Alice in Wonderland

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                ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND




                          Lewis Carroll




               THE MILLENNIUM FULCRUM EDITION 2.5


                     (C)1991 Duncan Research








                            CHAPTER I




                      Down the Rabbit-Hole






  Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister


on the bank, and of having nothing to do:  once or twice she had


peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no


pictures or conversations in it, `and what is the use of a book,'


thought Alice `without pictures or conversation?'




  So she was considering in her own mind (as well as she could,


for the hot day made her feel very sleepy and stupid), whether


the pleasure of making a daisy-chain would be worth the trouble


of getting up and picking the daisies, when suddenly a White


Rabbit with pink eyes ran close by her.




  There was nothing so VERY remarkable in that; nor did Alice


think it so VERY much out of the way to hear the Rabbit say to


itself, `Oh dear!  Oh dear!  I shall be late!'  (when she thought


it over afterwards, it occurred to her that she ought to have


wondered at this, but at the time it all seemed quite natural);


but when the Rabbit actually TOOK A WATCH OUT OF ITS WAISTCOAT-


POCKET, and looked at it, and then hurried on, Alice started to


her feet, for it flashed across her mind that she had never


before see a rabbit with either a waistcoat-pocket, or a watch to


take out of it, and burning with curiosity, she ran across the


field after it, and fortunately was just in time to see it pop


down a large rabbit-hole under the hedge.




  In another moment down went Alice after it, never once


considering how in the world she was to get out again.




  The rabbit-hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way,


and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a


moment to think about stopping herself before she found herself


falling down a very deep well.




  Either the well was very deep, or she fell very slowly, for she


had plenty of time as she went down to look about her and to


wonder what was going to happen next.  First, she tried to look


down and make out what she was coming to, but it was too dark to


see anything; then she looked at the sides of the well, and


noticed that they were filled with cupboards and book-shelves;


here and there she saw maps and pictures hung upon pegs.  She


took down a jar from one of the shelves as she passed; it was


labelled `ORANGE MARMALADE', but to her great disappointment it


way empty:  she did not like to drop the jar for fear of killing


somebody, so managed to put it into one of the cupboards as she


fell past it.




  `Well!' thought Alice to herself, `after such a fall as this, I


shall think nothing of tumbling down stairs!  How brave they'll


all think me at home!  Why, I wouldn't say anything about it,


even if I fell off the top of the house!' (Which was very likely


true.)




  Down, down, down.  Would the fall NEVER come to an end!  `I


wonder how many miles I've fallen by this time?' she said aloud.


`I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth.  Let


me see:  that would be four thousand miles down, I think--' (for,


you see, Alice had learnt several things of this sort in her


lessons in the schoolroom, and though this was not a VERY good


opportunity for showing off her knowledge, as there was no one to


listen to her, still it was good practice to say it over) `--yes,


that's about the right distance--but then I wonder what Latitude


or Longitude I've got to?'  (Alice had no idea what Latitude was,


or Longitude either, but thought they were nice grand words to


say.)




  Presently she began again.  `I wonder if I shall fall right


THROUGH the earth!  How funny it'll seem to come out among the


people that walk with their heads downward!  The Antipathies, I


think--' (she was rather glad there WAS no one listening, this


time, as it didn't sound at all the right word) `--but I shall


have to ask them what the name of the country is, you know.


Please, Ma'am, is this New Zealand or Australia?' (and she tried


to curtsey as she spoke--fancy CURTSEYING as you're falling


through the air!  Do you think you could manage it?)  `And what


an ignorant little girl she'll think me for asking!  No, it'll


never do to ask:  perhaps I shall see it written up somewhere.'




  Down, down, down.  There was nothing else to do, so Alice soon


began talking again.  Dinah'll miss me very much to-night, I


should think!'  (Dinah was the cat.)  `I hope they'll remember


her saucer of milk at tea-time.  Dinah my dear!  I wish you were


down here with me!  There are no mice in the air, I'm afraid, but


you might catch a bat, and that's very like a mouse, you know.


But do cats eat bats, I wonder?'  And here Alice began to get


rather sleepy, and went on saying to herself, in a dreamy sort of


way, `Do cats eat bats?  Do cats eat bats?' and sometimes, `Do


bats eat cats?' for, you see, as she couldn't answer either


question, it didn't much matter which way she put it.  She felt


that she was dozing off, and had just begun to dream that she


was walking hand in hand with Dinah, and saying to her very


earnestly, `Now, Dinah, tell me the truth:  did you ever eat a


bat?' when suddenly, thump! thump! down she came upon a heap of


stick and dry leaves, and the fall was over.




  Alice was not a bit hurt, and she jumped up on to her feet in a


moment:  she looked up, but it was all dark overhead; before her


was another long passage, and the White Rabbit was still in


sight, hurrying down it.  There was not a moment to be lost:


away went Alice like the wind, and was just in time to hear it


say, as it turned a corner, `Oh my ears and whiskers, how late


it's getting!'  She was close behind it when she turned to


corner, but the Rabbit was no longer to be seen:  she found


herself in a long, low hall, which was lit up by a row of lamps


hanging from the roof.




  There were doors all round the hall, but they were all locked;


and when Alice had been all the way down one side and up the


other, trying every door, she walked sadly down the middle,


wondering how she was ever to get out again.




  Suddenly she came upon a little three-legged table, all made of


solid glass; there was nothing on it except a tiny golden key,


and Alice's first thought was that it might belong to one of the


doors of the hall; but, alas! either the locks were too large, or


the key was too small, but at any rate it would not open any of


them.  However, on the second time round, she came upon a low


curtain she had not noticed before, and behind it was a little


door about fifteen inches high:  she tried the little golden key


in the lock, and to her great delight it fitted!




  Alice opened the door and found that it led into a small


passage, not much larger than a rat-hole:  she knelt down and


looked along the passage into the loveliest garden you ever saw.


How she longed to get out of that dark hall, and wander about


among those beds of bright flowers and those cool fountains, but


she could to even get her head thought he doorway; `and even if


my head would go through,' thought poor Alice, `it would be of


very little use without my shoulders.  Oh, how I wish


I could shut up like a telescope!  I think I could, if I only


know how to begin.'  For, you see, so many out-of-the-way things


had happened lately, that Alice had begun to think that very few


things indeed were really impossible.




  There seemed to be no use in waiting by the little door, so she


went back to the table, half hoping she might find another key on


it, or at any rate a book or rules for shutting people up like


telescopes:  this time she found a little bottle on it, (`which


certainly was not here before,' said Alice,) and round the neck


of the bottle was a paper label, with the words `DRINK ME'


beautifully printed on it in large letters.




  It was all very well to say `Drink me,' but the wise little


Alice was not going to do THAT in a hurry.  `No, I'll look


first,' she said, `and see whether it's marked "poison" or not';


for she had read several nice little histories about children who


had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant


things, all because they WOULD not remember the simple rules


their friends had taught them:  such as, that a red-hot poker


will burn you if your hold it too long; and that if you cut your


finger VERY deeply with a knife, it usually bleeds; and she had


never forgotten that, if you drink much from a bottle marked


`poison,' it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or


later.




  However, this bottle was NOT marked `poison,' so Alice ventured


to taste it, and finding it very nice, (it had, in fact, a sort


of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pine-apple, roast


turkey, toffee, and hot buttered toast,) she very soon finished


it off.




     *       *       *       *       *       *       *




         *       *       *       *       *       *




     *       *       *       *       *       *       *




  `What a curious feeling!' said Alice; `I must be shutting up


like a telescope.'




  And so it was indeed:  she was now only ten inches high, and


her face brightened up at the thought that she was now the right


size for going though the little door into that lovely garden.


First, however, she waited for a few minutes to see if she was


going to shrink any further:  she felt a little nervous about


this; `for it might end, you know,' said Alice to herself, `in my


going out altogether, like a candle.  I wonder what I should be


like then?'  And she tried to fancy what the flame of a candle is


like after the candle is blown out, for she could not remember


ever having seen such a thing.




  After a while, finding that nothing more happened, she decided


on going into the garden at once; but, alas for poor Alice! when


she got to the door, she found he had forgotten the little golden


key, and when she went back to the table for it, she found she


could not possibly reach it:  she could see it quite plainly


through the glass, and she tried her best to climb up one of the


legs of the table, but it was too slippery; and when she had


tired herself out with trying, the poor little thing sat down and


cried.




  `Come, there's no use in crying like that!' said Alice to


herself, rather sharply; `I advise you to leave off this minute!'


She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very


seldom followed it), and sometimes she scolded herself so


severely as to bring tears into her eyes; and once she remembered


trying to box her own ears for having cheated herself in a game


of croquet she was playing against herself, for this curious


child was very fond of pretending to be two people.  `But it's no


use now,' thought poor Alice, `to pretend to be two people!  Why,


there's hardly enough of me left to make ONE respectable


person!'




  Soon her eye fell on a little glass box that was lying under


the table:  she opened it, and found in it a very small cake, on


which the words `EAT ME' were beautifully marked in currants.


`Well, I'll eat it,' said Alive, `and if it makes me grow larger,


I can reach the key; and if it makes me grow smaller, I can creep


under the door; so either way I'll get into the garden, and I


don't care which happens!'




  She ate a little bit, and said anxiously to herself, `Which


way?  Which way?', holding her hand on the top of her head to


feel which way it was growing, and she was quite surprised to


find that she remained the same size:  to be sure, this generally


happens when one eats cake, but Alice had got so much into the


way of expecting nothing but out-of-the-way things to happen,


that it seemed quite dull and stupid for life to go on in the


common way.




  So she set to work, and very soon finished off the cake.




     *       *       *       *       *       *       *




         *       *       *       *       *       *




     *       *       *       *       *       *       *








                           CHAPTER II




                        The Pool of Tears






  `Curiouser and curiouser!' cried Alice (she was so much


surprised, that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good


English); `now I'm opening out like the largest telescope that


ever was!  Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her


feet, they seemed to be almost out of sight, they were getting so


far off).  `Oh, my poor little feet, I wonder who will put on


your shoes and stockings for you now, dears?  I'm sure _I_ shan't


be able!  I shall be a great deal too far off to trouble myself


about you:  you must manage the best way you can; --but I must be


kind to them,' thought Alice, `or perhaps they won't walk the


way I want to go!  Let me see:  I'll give them a new pair of


boots every Christmas.'




  And she went on planning to herself how she would manage it.


`They must go by the carrier,' she thought; `and how funny it'll


seem, sending presents to one's own feet!  And how odd the


directions will look!




            ALICE'S RIGHT FOOT, ESQ.


                HEARTHRUG,


                    NEAR THE FENDER,


                        (WITH ALICE'S LOVE).




Oh dear, what nonsense I'm talking!'




  Just then her head struck against the roof of the hall:  in


fact she was now more than nine feet high, and she at once took


up the little golden key and hurried off to the garden door.




  Poor Alice!  It was as much as she could do, lying down on one


side, to look through into the garden with one eye; but to get


through was more hopeless than ever:  she sat down and began to


cry again.




  `You ought to be ashamed of yourself,' said Alice, `a great


girl like you,' (she might well say this), `to go on crying in


this way!  Stop this moment, I tell you!'  But she went on all


the same, shedding gallons of tears, until there was a large pool


all round her, about four inches deep and reaching half down the


hall.




  After a time she heard a little pattering of feet in the


distance, and she hastily dried her eyes to see what was coming.


It was the White Rabbit returning, splendidly dressed, with a


pair of white kid gloves in one hand and a large fan in the


other:  he came trotting along in a great hurry, muttering to


himself as he came, `Oh! the Duchess, the Duchess! Oh! won't she


be savage if I've kept her waiting!'  Alice felt so desperate


that she was ready to ask help of any one; so, when the Rabbit


came near her, she began, in a low, timid voice, `If you please,


sir--'  The Rabbit started violently, dropped the white kid


gloves and the fan, and skurried away into the darkness as hard


as he could go.




  Alice took up the fan and gloves, and, as the hall was very


hot, she kept fanning herself all the time she went on talking:


`Dear, dear!  How queer everything is to-day!  And yesterday


things went on just as usual.  I wonder if I've been changed in


the night?  Let me think:  was I the same when I got up this


morning?  I almost think I can remember feeling a little


different.  But if I'm not the same, the next question is, Who in


the world am I?  Ah, THAT'S the great puzzle!'  And she began


thinking over all the children she knew that were of the same age


as herself, to see if she could have been changed for any of


them.




  `I'm sure I'm not Ada,' she said, `for her hair goes in such


long ringlets, and mine doesn't go in ringlets at all; and I'm


sure I can't be Mabel, for I know all sorts of things, and she,


oh! she knows such a very little!  Besides, SHE'S she, and I'm I,


and--oh dear, how puzzling it all is!  I'll try if I know all the


things I used to know.  Let me see:  four times five is twelve,


and four times six is thirteen, and four times seven is--oh dear!


I shall never get to twenty at that rate!  However, the


Multiplication Table doesn't signify:  let's try Geography.


London is the capital of Paris, and Paris is the capital of


Rome, and Rome--no, THAT'S all wrong, I'm certain!  I must have


been changed for Mabel!  I'll try and say "How doth the little--


"' and she crossed her hands on her lap as if she were saying


lessons, and began to repeat it, but her voice sounded hoarse


and strange, and the words did not come the same as they used to


do:--




            `How doth the little crocodile


              Improve his shining tail,


            And pour the waters of the Nile


              On every golden scale!




            `How cheerfully he seems to grin,


              How neatly spread his claws,


            And welcome little fishes in


              With gently smiling jaws!'




  `I'm sure those are not the right words,' said poor Alice, and


her eyes filled with tears again as she went on, `I must be Mabel


after all, and I shall have to go and live in that poky little


house, and have next to no toys to play with, and oh! ever so


many lessons to learn!  No, I've made up my mind about it; if I'm


Mabel, I'll stay down here!  It'll be no use their putting their


heads down and saying "Come up again, dear!"  I shall only look


up and say "Who am I then?  Tell me that first, and then, if I


like being that person, I'll come up:  if not, I'll stay down


here till I'm somebody else"--but, oh dear!' cried Alice, with a


sudden burst of tears, `I do wish they WOULD put their heads


down!  I am so VERY tired of being all alone here!'




  As she said this she looked down at her hands, and was


surprised to see that she had put on one of the Rabbit's little


white kid gloves while she was talking.  `How CAN I have done


that?' she thought.  `I must be growing small again.'  She got up


and went to the table to measure herself by it, and found that,


as nearly as she could guess, she was now about two feet high,


and was going on shrinking rapidly:  she soon found out that the


cause of this was the fan she was holding, and she dropped it


hastily, just in time to avoid shrinking away altogether.




`That WAS a narrow escape!' said Alice, a good deal frightened at


the sudden change, but very glad to find herself still in


existence; `and now for the garden!' and she ran with all speed


back to the little door:  but, alas! the little door was shut


again, and the little golden key was lying on the glass table as


before, `and things are worse than ever,' thought the poor child,


`for I never was so small as this before, never!  And I declare


it's too bad, that it is!'




  As she said these words her foot slipped, and in another


moment, splash! she was up to her chin in salt water.  He first


idea was that she had somehow fallen into the sea, `and in that


case I can go back by railway,' she said to herself.  (Alice had


been to the seaside once in her life, and had come to the general


conclusion, that wherever you go to on the English coast you find


a number of bathing machines in the sea, some children digging in


the sand with wooden spades, then a row of lodging houses, and


behind them a railway station.)  However, she soon made out that


she was in the pool of tears which she had wept when she was nine


feet high.




  `I wish I hadn't cried so much!' said Alice, as she swam about,


trying to find her way out.  `I shall be punished for it now, I


suppose, by being drowned in my own tears!  That WILL be a queer


thing, to be sure!  However, everything is queer to-day.'




  Just then she heard something splashing about in the pool a


little way off, and she swam nearer to make out what it was:  at


first she thought it must be a walrus or hippopotamus, but then


she remembered how small she was now, and she soon made out that


it was only a mouse that had slipped in like herself.




  `Would it be of any use, now,' thought Alice, `to speak to this


mouse?  Everything is so out-of-the-way down here, that I should


think very likely it can talk:  at any rate, there's no harm in


trying.'  So she began:  `O Mouse, do you know the way out of


this pool?  I am very tired of swimming about here, O Mouse!'


(Alice thought this must be the right way of speaking to a mouse:


she had never done such a thing before, but she remembered having


seen in her brother's Latin Grammar, `A mouse--of a mouse--to a


mouse--a mouse--O mouse!'  The Mouse looked at her rather


inquisitively, and seemed to her to wink with one of its little


eyes, but it said nothing.




  `Perhaps it doesn't understand English,' thought Alice; `I


daresay it's a French mouse, come over with William the


Conqueror.'  (For, with all her knowledge of history, Alice had


no very clear notion how long ago anything had happened.)  So she


began again:  `Ou est ma chatte?' which was the first sentence in


her French lesson-book.  The Mouse gave a sudden leap out of the


water, and seemed to quiver all over with fright.  `Oh, I beg


your pardon!' cried Alice hastily, afraid that she had hurt the


poor animal's feelings.  `I quite forgot you didn't like cats.'




  `Not like cats!' cried the Mouse, in a shrill, passionate


voice.  `Would YOU like cats if you were me?'




  `Well, perhaps not,' said Alice in a soothing tone:  `don't be


angry about it.  And yet I wish I could show you our cat Dinah:


I think you'd take a fancy to cats if you could only see her.


She is such a dear quiet thing,' Alice went on, half to herself,


as she swam lazily about in the pool, `and she sits purring so


nicely by the fire, licking her paws and washing her face--and


she is such a nice soft thing to nurse--and she's such a capital


one for catching mice--oh, I beg your pardon!' cried Alice again,


for this time the Mouse was bristling all over, and she felt


certain it must be really offended.  `We won't talk about her any


more if you'd rather not.'




  `We indeed!' cried the Mouse, who was trembling down to the end


of his tail.  `As if I would talk on such a subject!  Our family


always HATED cats:  nasty, low, vulgar things!  Don't let me hear


the name again!'




  `I won't indeed!' said Alice, in a great hurry to change the


subject of conversation.  `Are you--are you fond--of--of dogs?'


The Mouse did not answer, so Alice went on eagerly:  `There is


such a nice little dog near our house I should like to show you!


A little bright-eyed terrier, you know, with oh, such long curly


brown hair!  And it'll fetch things when you throw them, and


it'll sit up and beg for its dinner, and all sorts of thins--I


can't remember half of them--and it belongs to a farmer, you


know, and he says it's so useful, it's worth a hundred pounds!


He says it kills all the rats and--oh dear!' cried Alice in a


sorrowful tone, `I'm afraid I've offended it again!'  For the


Mouse was swimming away from her as hard as it could go, and


making quite a commotion in the pool as it went.




  So she called softly after it, `Mouse dear!  Do come back


again, and we won't talk about cats or dogs either, if you don't


like them!'  When the Mouse heard this, it turned round and swam


slowly back to her:  its face was quite pale (with passion, Alice


thought), and it said in a low trembling voice, `Let us get to


the shore, and then I'll tell you my history, and you'll


understand why it is I hate cats and dogs.'




  It was high time to go, for the pool was getting quite crowded


with the birds and animals that had fallen into it:  there were a


Duck and a Dodo, a Lory and an Eaglet, and several other curious


creatures.  Alice led the way, and the whole party swam to the


shore.










                           CHAPTER III




                  A Caucus-Race and a Long Tale






  They were indeed a queer-looking party that assembled on the


bank--the birds with draggled feathers, the animals with their


fur clinging close to them, and all dripping wet, cross, and


uncomfortable.




  The first question of course was, how to get dry again:  they


had a consultation about this, and after a few minutes it seemed


quite natural to Alice to find herself talking familiarly with


them, as if she had known them all her life.  Indeed, she had


quite a long argument with the Lory, who at last turned sulky,


and would only say, `I am older than you, and must know better';


and this Alice would not allow without knowing how old it was,


and, as the Lory positively refused to tell its age, there was no


more to be said.




  At last the Mouse, who seemed to be a person of authority among


them, called out, `Sit down, all of you, and listen to me!  I'LL


soon make you dry enough!'  They all sat down at once, in a large


ring, with the Mouse in the middle.  Alice kept her eyes


anxiously fixed on it, for she felt sure she would catch a bad


cold if she did not get dry very soon.




  `Ahem!' said the Mouse with an important air, `are you all


ready?  This is the driest thing I know.  Silence all round, if


you please!  "William the Conqueror, whose cause was favoured by


the pope, was soon submitted to by the English, who wanted


leaders, and had been of late much accustomed to usurpation and


conquest.  Edwin and Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria-


-"'




  `Ugh!' said the Lory, with a shiver.




  `I beg your pardon!' said the Mouse, frowning, but very


politely:  `Did you speak?'




  `Not I!' said the Lory hastily.




  `I thought you did,' said the Mouse.  `--I proceed.  "Edwin and


Morcar, the earls of Mercia and Northumbria, declared for him:


and even Stigand, the patriotic archbishop of Canterbury, found


it advisable--"'




  `Found WHAT?' said the Duck.




  `Found IT,' the Mouse replied rather crossly:  `of course you


know what "it" means.'




  `I know what "it" means well enough, when I find a thing,' said


the Duck:  `it's generally a frog or a worm.  The question is,


what did the archbishop find?'




  The Mouse did not notice this question, but hurriedly went on,


`"--found it advisable to go with Edgar Atheling to meet William


and offer him the crown.  William's conduct at first was


moderate.  But the insolence of his Normans--"  How are you


getting on now, my dear?' it continued, turning to Alice as it


spoke.




  `As wet as ever,' said Alice in a melancholy tone:  `it doesn't


seem to dry me at all.'




  `In that case,' said the Dodo solemnly, rising to its feet, `I


move that the meeting adjourn, for the immediate adoption of more


energetic remedies--'




  `Speak English!' said the Eaglet.  `I don't know the meaning of


half those long words, and, what's more, I don't believe you do


either!'  And the Eaglet bent down its head to hide a smile:


some of the other birds tittered audibly.




  `What I was going to say,' said the Dodo in an offended tone,


`was, that the best thing to get us dry would be a Caucus-race.'




  `What IS a Caucus-race?' said Alice; not that she wanted much


to know, but the Dodo had paused as if it thought that SOMEBODY


ought to speak, and no one else seemed inclined to say anything.




  `Why,' said the Dodo, `the best way to explain it is to do it.'


(And, as you might like to try the thing yourself, some winter


day, I will tell you how the Dodo managed it.)




  First it marked out a race-course, in a sort of circle, (`the


exact shape doesn't matter,' it said,) and then all the party


were placed along the course, here and there.  There was no `One,


two, three, and away,' but they began running when they liked,


and left off when they liked, so that it was not easy to know


when the race was over.  However, when they had been running half


an hour or so, and were quite dry again, the Dodo suddenly called


out `The race is over!' and they all crowded round it, panting,


and asking, `But who has won?'




  This question the Dodo could not answer without a great deal of


thought, and it sat for a long time with one finger pressed upon


its forehead (the position in which you usually see Shakespeare,


in the pictures of him), while the rest waited in silence.  At


last the Dodo said, `EVERYBODY has won, and all must have


prizes.'




  `But who is to give the prizes?' quite a chorus of voices


asked.




  `Why, SHE, of course,' said the Dodo, pointing to Alice with


one finger; and the whole party at once crowded round her,


calling out in a confused way, `Prizes! Prizes!'




  Alice had no idea what to do, and in despair she put her hand


in her pocket, and pulled out a box of comfits, (luckily the salt


water had not got into it), and handed them round as prizes.


There was exactly one a-piece all round.




  `But she must have a prize herself, you know,' said the Mouse.




  `Of course,' the Dodo replied very gravely.  `What else have


you got in your pocket?' he went on, turning to Alice.




  `Only a thimble,' said Alice sadly.




  `Hand it over here,' said the Dodo.




  Then they all crowded round her once more, while the Dodo


solemnly presented the thimble, saying `We beg your acceptance of


this elegant thimble'; and, when it had finished this short


speech, they all cheered.




  Alice thought the whole thing very absurd, but they all looked


so grave that she did not dare to laugh; and, as she could not


think of anything to say, she simply bowed, and took the thimble,


looking as solemn as she could.




  The next thing was to eat the comfits:  this caused some noise


and confusion, as the large birds complained that they could not


taste theirs, and the small ones choked and had to be patted on


the back.  However, it was over at last, and they sat down again


in a ring, and begged the Mouse to tell them something more.




  `You promised to tell me your history, you know,' said Alice,


`and why it is you hate--C and D,' she added in a whisper, half


afraid that it would be offended again.




  `Mine is a long and a sad tale!' said the Mouse, turning to


Alice, and sighing.




  `It IS a long tail, certainly,' said Alice, looking down with


wonder at the Mouse's tail' `but why do you call it sad?'  And


she kept on puzzling about it while the Mouse was speaking, so


that her idea of the tale was something like this:--




                    `Fury said to a


                   mouse, That he


                 met in the


               house,


            "Let us


              both go to


                law:  I will


                  prosecute


                    YOU.  --Come,


                       I'll take no


                        denial; We


                     must have a


                 trial:  For


              really this


           morning I've


          nothing


         to do."


           Said the


             mouse to the


               cur, "Such


                 a trial,


                   dear Sir,


                         With


                     no jury


                  or judge,


                would be


              wasting


             our


              breath."


               "I'll be


                 judge, I'll


                   be jury,"


                         Said


                    cunning


                      old Fury:


                     "I'll


                      try the


                         whole


                          cause,


                             and


                        condemn


                       you


                      to


                       death."






  `You are not attending!' said the Mouse to Alice severely.


`What are you thinking of?'




  `I beg your pardon,' said Alice very humbly:  `you had got to


the fifth bend, I think?'




  `I had NOT!' cried the Mouse, sharply and very angrily.




  `A knot!' said Alice, always ready to make herself useful, and


looking anxiously about her.  `Oh, do let me help to undo it!'




  `I shall do nothing of the sort,' said the Mouse, getting up


and walking away.  `You insult me by talking such nonsense!'




  `I didn't mean it!' pleaded poor Alice.  `But you're so easily


offended, you know!'




  The Mouse only growled in reply.




  `Please come back and finish your story!' Alice called after


it; and the others all joined in chorus, `Yes, please do!' but


the Mouse only shook its head impatiently, and walked a little


quicker.




  `What a pity it wouldn't stay!' sighed the Lory, as soon as it


was quite out of sight; and an old Crab took the opportunity of


saying to her daughter `Ah, my dear!  Let this be a lesson to you


never to lose YOUR temper!'  `Hold your tongue, Ma!' said the


young Crab, a little snappishly.  `You're enough to try the


patience of an oyster!'




  `I wish I had our Dinah here, I know I do!' said Alice aloud,


addressing nobody in particular.  `She'd soon fetch it back!'




  `And who is Dinah, if I might venture to ask the question?'


said the Lory.




  Alice replied eagerly, for she was always ready to talk about


her pet:  `Dinah's our cat.  And she's such a capital one for


catching mice you can't think!  And oh, I wish you could see her


after the birds!  Why, she'll eat a little bird as soon as look


at it!'




  This speech caused a remarkable sensation among the party.


Some of the birds hurried off at once:  one the old Magpie began


wrapping itself up very carefully, remarking, `I really must be


getting home; the night-air doesn't suit my throat!' and a Canary


called out in a trembling voice to its children, `Come away, my


dears!  It's high time you were all in bed!'  On various pretexts


they all moved off, and Alice was soon left alone.




  `I wish I hadn't mentioned Dinah!' she said to herself in a


melancholy tone.  `Nobody seems to like her, down here, and I'm


sure she's the best cat in the world!  Oh, my dear Dinah!  I


wonder if I shall ever see you any more!'  And here poor Alice


began to cry again, for she felt very lonely and low-spirited.


In a little while, however, she again heard a little pattering of


footsteps in the distance, and she looked up eagerly, half hoping


that the Mouse had changed his mind, and was coming back to


finish his story.








                           CHAPTER IV




                The Rabbit Sends in a Little Bill






  It was the White Rabbit, trotting slowly back again, and


looking anxiously about as it went, as if it had lost something;


and she heard it muttering to itself `The Duchess!  The Duchess!


Oh my dear paws!  Oh my fur and whiskers!  She'll get me


executed, as sure as ferrets are ferrets!  Where CAN I have


dropped them, I wonder?'  Alice guessed in a moment that it was


looking for the fan and the pair of white kid gloves, and she


very good-naturedly began hunting about for them, but they were


nowhere to be seen--everything seemed to have changed since her


swim in the pool, and the great hall, with the glass table and


the little door, had vanished completely.




  Very soon the Rabbit noticed Alice, as she went hunting about,


and called out to her in an angry tone, `Why, Mary Ann, what ARE


you doing out here?  Run home this moment, and fetch me a pair of


gloves and a fan!  Quick, now!'  And Alice was so much frightened


that she ran off at once in the direction it pointed to, without


trying to explain the mistake it had made.




  `He took me for his housemaid,' she said to herself as she ran.


`How surprised he'll be when he finds out who I am!  But I'd


better take him his fan and gloves--that is, if I can find them.'


As she said this, she came upon a neat little house, on the door


of which was a bright brass plate with the name `W. RABBIT'


engraved upon it.  She went in without knocking, and hurried


upstairs, in great fear lest she should meet the real Mary Ann,


and be turned out of the house before she had found the fan and


gloves.




  `How queer it seems,' Alice said to herself, `to be going


messages for a rabbit!  I suppose Dinah'll be sending me on


messages next!'  And she began fancying the sort of thing that


would happen:  `"Miss Alice!  Come here directly, and get ready


for your walk!" "Coming in a minute, nurse!  But I've got to see


that the mouse doesn't get out."  Only I don't think,' Alice went


on, `that they'd let Dinah stop in the house if it began ordering


people about like that!'




  By this time she had found her way into a tidy little room with


a table in the window, and on it (as she had hoped) a fan and two


or three pairs of tiny white kid gloves:  she took up the fan and


a pair of the gloves, and was just going to leave the room, when


her eye fell upon a little bottle that stood near the looking-


glass.  There was no label this time with the words `DRINK ME,'


but nevertheless she uncorked it and put it to her lips.  `I know


SOMETHING interesting is sure to happen,' she said to herself,


`whenever I eat or drink anything; so I'll just see what this


bottle does.  I do hope it'll make me grow large again, for


really I'm quite tired of being such a tiny little thing!'




  It did so indeed, and much sooner than she had expected:


before she had drunk half the bottle, she found her head pressing


against the ceiling, and had to stoop to save her neck from being


broken.  She hastily put down the bottle, saying to herself


`That's quite enough--I hope I shan't grow any more--As it is, I


can't get out at the door--I do wish I hadn't drunk quite so


much!'




  Alas! it was too late to wish that!  She went on growing, and


growing, and very soon had to kneel down on the floor:  in


another minute there was not even room for this, and she tried


the effect of lying down with one elbow against the door, and the


other arm curled round her head.  Still she went on growing, and,


as a last resource, she put one arm out of the window, and one


foot up the chimney, and said to herself `Now I can do no more,


whatever happens.  What WILL become of me?'




  Luckily for Alice, the little magic bottle had now had its full


effect, and she grew no larger:  still it was very uncomfortable,


and, as there seemed to be no sort of chance of her ever getting


out of the room again, no wonder she felt unhappy.




  `It was much pleasanter at home,' thought poor Alice, `when one


wasn't always growing larger and smaller, and being ordered about


by mice and rabbits.  I almost wish I hadn't gone down that


rabbit-hole--and yet--and yet--it's rather curious, you know,


this sort of life!  I do wonder what CAN have happened to me!


When I used to read fairy-tales, I fancied that kind of thing


never happened, and now here I am in the middle of one!  There


ought to be a book written about me, that there ought!  And when


I grow up, I'll write one--but I'm grown up now,' she added in a


sorrowful tone; `at least there's no room to grow up any more


HERE.'




  `But then,' thought Alice, `shall I NEVER get any older than I


am now?  That'll be a comfort, one way--never to be an old woman-


-but then--always to have lessons to learn!  Oh, I shouldn't like


THAT!'




  `Oh, you foolish Alice!' she answered herself.  `How can you


learn lessons in here?  Why, there's hardly room for YOU, and no


room at all for any lesson-books!'




  And so she went on, taking first one side and then the other,


and making quite a conversation of it altogether; but after a few


minutes she heard a voice outside, and stopped to listen.




  `Mary Ann!  Mary Ann!' said the voice.  `Fetch me my gloves


this moment!'  Then came a little pattering of feet on the


stairs.  Alice knew it was the Rabbit coming to look for her, and


she trembled till she shook the house, quite forgetting that she


was now about a thousand times as large as the Rabbit, and had no


reason to be afraid of it.




  Presently the Rabbit came up to the door, and tried to open it;


but, as the door opened inwards, and Alice's elbow was pressed


hard against it, that attempt proved a failure.  Alice heard it


say to itself `Then I'll go round and get in at the window.'




  `THAT you won't' thought Alice, and, after waiting till she


fancied she heard the Rabbit just under the window, she suddenly


spread out her hand, and made a snatch in the air.  She did not


get hold of anything, but she heard a little shriek and a fall,


and a crash of broken glass, from which she concluded that it was


just possible it had fallen into a cucumber-frame, or something


of the sort.




  Next came an angry voice--the Rabbit's--`Pat! Pat!  Where are


you?'  And then a voice she had never heard before, `Sure then


I'm here!  Digging for apples, yer honour!'




  `Digging for apples, indeed!' said the Rabbit angrily.  `Here!


Come and help me out of THIS!'  (Sounds of more broken glass.)




  `Now tell me, Pat, what's that in the window?'




  `Sure, it's an arm, yer honour!'  (He pronounced it `arrum.')




  `An arm, you goose!   Who ever saw one that size?  Why, it


fills the whole window!'




  `Sure, it does, yer honour:  but it's an arm for all that.'




  `Well, it's got no business there, at any rate:  go and take it


away!'




  There was a long silence after this, and Alice could only hear


whispers now and then; such as, `Sure, I don't like it, yer


honour, at all, at all!'  `Do as I tell you, you coward!' and at


last she spread out her hand again, and made another snatch in


the air.  This time there were TWO little shrieks, and more


sounds of broken glass.  `What a number of cucumber-frames there


must be!' thought Alice.  `I wonder what they'll do next!  As for


pulling me out of the window, I only wish they COULD!  I'm sure I


don't want to stay in here any longer!'




  She waited for some time without hearing anything more:  at


last came a rumbling of little cartwheels, and the sound of a


good many voice all talking together:  she made out the words:


`Where's the other ladder?--Why, I hadn't to bring but one;


Bill's got the other--Bill! fetch it here, lad!--Here, put 'em up


at this corner--No, tie 'em together first--they don't reach half


high enough yet--Oh! they'll do well enough; don't be particular-


-Here, Bill! catch hold of this rope--Will the roof bear?--Mind


that loose slate--Oh, it's coming down!  Heads below!' (a loud


crash)--`Now, who did that?--It was Bill, I fancy--Who's to go


down the chimney?--Nay, I shan't! YOU do it!--That I won't,


then!--Bill's to go down--Here, Bill! the master says you're to


go down the chimney!'




  `Oh! So Bill's got to come down the chimney, has he?' said


Alice to herself.  `Shy, they seem to put everything upon Bill!


I wouldn't be in Bill's place for a good deal:  this fireplace is


narrow, to be sure; but I THINK I can kick a little!'




  She drew her foot as far down the chimney as she could, and


waited till she heard a little animal (she couldn't guess of what


sort it was) scratching and scrambling about in the chimney close


above her:  then, saying to herself `This is Bill,' she gave one


sharp kick, and waited to see what would happen next.




  The first thing she heard was a general chorus of `There goes


Bill!' then the Rabbit's voice along--`Catch him, you by the


hedge!' then silence, and then another confusion of voices--`Hold


up his head--Brandy now--Don't choke him--How was it, old fellow?


What happened to you?  Tell us all about it!'




  Last came a little feeble, squeaking voice, (`That's Bill,'


thought Alice,) `Well, I hardly know--No more, thank ye; I'm


better now--but I'm a deal too flustered to tell you--all I know


is, something comes at me like a Jack-in-the-box, and up I goes


like a sky-rocket!'




  `So you did, old fellow!' said the others.




  `We must burn the house down!' said the Rabbit's voice; and


Alice called out as loud as she could, `If you do.  I'll set


Dinah at you!'




  There was a dead silence instantly, and Alice thought to


herself, `I wonder what they WILL do next!  If they had any


sense, they'd take the roof off.'  After a minute or two, they


began moving about again, and Alice heard the Rabbit say, `A


barrowful will do, to begin with.'




  `A barrowful of WHAT?' thought Alice; but she had not long to


doubt, for the next moment a shower of little pebbles came


rattling in at the window, and some of them hit her in the face.


`I'll put a stop to this,' she said to herself, and shouted out,


`You'd better not do that again!' which produced another dead


silence.




  Alice noticed with some surprise that the pebbles were all


turning into little cakes as they lay on the floor, and a bright


idea came into her head.  `If I eat one of these cakes,' she


thought, `it's sure to make SOME change in my size; and as it


can't possibly make me larger, it must make me smaller, I


suppose.'




  So she swallowed one of the cakes, and was delighted to find


that she began shrinking directly.  As soon as she was small


enough to get through the door, she ran out of the house, and


found quite a crowd of little animals and birds waiting outside.


The poor little Lizard, Bill, was in the middle, being held up by


two guinea-pigs, who were giving it something out of a bottle.


They all made a rush at Alice the moment she appeared; but she


ran off as hard as she could, and soon found herself safe in a


thick wood.




  `The first thing I've got to do,' said Alice to herself, as she


wandered about in the wood, `is to grow to my right size again;


and the second thing is to find my way into that lovely garden.


I think that will be the best plan.'




  It sounded an excellent plan, no doubt, and very neatly and


simply arranged; the only difficulty was, that she had not the


smallest idea how to set about it; and while she was peering


about anxiously among the trees, a little sharp bark just over


her head made her look up in a great hurry.




  An enormous puppy was looking down at her with large round


eyes, and feebly stretching out one paw, trying to touch her.


`Poor little thing!' said Alice, in a coaxing tone, and she tried


hard to whistle to it; but she was terribly frightened all the


time at the thought that it might be hungry, in which case it


would be very likely to eat her up in spite of all her coaxing.




  Hardly knowing what she did, she picked up a little bit of


stick, and held it out to the puppy; whereupon the puppy jumped


into the air off all its feet at once, with a yelp of delight,


and rushed at the stick, and made believe to worry it; then Alice


dodged behind a great thistle, to keep herself from being run


over; and the moment she appeared on the other side, the puppy


made another rush at the stick, and tumbled head over heels in


its hurry to get hold of it; then Alice, thinking it was very


like having a game of play with a cart-horse, and expecting every


moment to be trampled under its feet, ran round the thistle


again; then the puppy began a series of short charges at the


stick, running a very little way forwards each time and a long


way back, and barking hoarsely all the while, till at last it sat


down a good way off, panting, with its tongue hanging out of its


mouth, and its great eyes half shut.




  This seemed to Alice a good opportunity for making her escape;


so she set off at once, and ran till she was quite tired and out


of breath, and till the puppy's bark sounded quite faint in the


distance.




  `And yet what a dear little puppy it was!' said Alice, as she


leant against a buttercup to rest herself, and fanned herself


with one of the leaves:  `I should have liked teaching it tricks


very much, if--if I'd only been the right size to do it!  Oh


dear!  I'd nearly forgotten that I've got to grow up again!  Let


me see--how IS it to be managed?  I suppose I ought to eat or


drink something or other; but the great question is, what?'




  The great question certainly was, what?  Alice looked all round


her at the flowers and the blades of grass, but she did not see


anything that looked like the right thing to eat or drink under


the circumstances.  There was a large mushroom growing near her,


about the same height as herself; and when she had looked under


it, and on both sides of it, and behind it, it occurred to her


that she might as well look and see what was on the top of it.




  She stretched herself up on tiptoe, and peeped over the edge of


the mushroom, and her eyes immediately met those of a large


caterpillar, that was sitting on the top with its arms folded,


quietly smoking a long hookah, and taking not the smallest notice


of her or of anything else.








                            CHAPTER V




                    Advice from a Caterpillar






  The Caterpillar and Alice looked at each other for some time in


silence:  at last the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its


mouth, and addressed her in a languid, sleepy voice.




  `Who are YOU?' said the Caterpillar.




  This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation.  Alice


replied, rather shyly, `I--I hardly know, sir, just at present--


at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think


I must have been changed several times since then.'




  `What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly.


`Explain yourself!'




  `I can't explain MYSELF, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, `because


I'm not myself, you see.'




  `I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.




  `I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very


politely, `for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and


being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.'




  `It isn't,' said the Caterpillar.




  `Well, perhaps you haven't found it so yet,' said Alice; `but


when you have to turn into a chrysalis--you will some day, you


know--and then after that into a butterfly, I should think you'll


feel it a little queer, won't you?'




  `Not a bit,' said the Caterpillar.




  `Well, perhaps your feelings may be different,' said Alice;


`all I know is, it would feel very queer to ME.'




  `You!' said the Caterpillar contemptuously.  `Who are YOU?'




  Which brought them back again to the beginning of the


conversation.  Alice felt a little irritated at the Caterpillar's


making such VERY short remarks, and she drew herself up and said,


very gravely, `I think, you out to tell me who YOU are, first.'




  `Why?' said the Caterpillar.




  Here was another puzzling question; and as Alice could not


think of any good reason, and as the Caterpillar seemed to be in


a VERY unpleasant state of mind, she turned away.




  `Come back!' the Caterpillar called after her.  `I've something


important to say!'




  This sounded promising, certainly:  Alice turned and came back


again.




  `Keep your temper,' said the Caterpillar.




  `Is that all?' said Alice, swallowing down her anger as well as


she could.




  `No,' said the Caterpillar.




  Alice thought she might as well wait, as she had nothing else


to do, and perhaps after all it might tell her something worth


hearing.  For some minutes it puffed away without speaking, but


at last it unfolded its arms, took the hookah out of its mouth


again, and said, `So you think you're changed, do you?'




  `I'm afraid I am, sir,' said Alice; `I can't remember things as


I used--and I don't keep the same size for ten minutes together!'




  `Can't remember WHAT things?' said the Caterpillar.




  `Well, I've tried to say "HOW DOTH THE LITTLE BUSY BEE," but it


all came different!' Alice replied in a very melancholy voice.




  `Repeat, "YOU ARE OLD, FATHER WILLIAM,"' said the Caterpillar.




  Alice folded her hands, and began:--




    `You are old, Father William,' the young man said,


      `And your hair has become very white;


    And yet you incessantly stand on your head--


      Do you think, at your age, it is right?'




    `In my youth,' Father William replied to his son,


      `I feared it might injure the brain;


    But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none,


      Why, I do it again and again.'




    `You are old,' said the youth, `as I mentioned before,


      And have grown most uncommonly fat;


    Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door--


      Pray, what is the reason of that?'




    `In my youth,' said the sage, as he shook his grey locks,


      `I kept all my limbs very supple


    By the use of this ointment--one shilling the box--


      Allow me to sell you a couple?'




    `You are old,' said the youth, `and your jaws are too weak


      For anything tougher than suet;


    Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak--


      Pray how did you manage to do it?'




    `In my youth,' said his father, `I took to the law,


      And argued each case with my wife;


    And the muscular strength, which it gave to my jaw,


      Has lasted the rest of my life.'




    `You are old,' said the youth, `one would hardly suppose


      That your eye was as steady as ever;


    Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose--


      What made you so awfully clever?'




    `I have answered three questions, and that is enough,'


      Said his father; `don't give yourself airs!


    Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff?


      Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs!'






  `That is not said right,' said the Caterpillar.




  `Not QUITE right, I'm afraid,' said Alice, timidly; some of the


words have got altered.'




  `It is wrong from beginning to end,' said the Caterpillar


decidedly, and there was silence for some minutes.




  The Caterpillar was the first to speak.




  `What size do you want to be?' it asked.




  `Oh, I'm not particular as to size,' Alice hastily replied;


`only one doesn't like changing so often, you know.'




  `I DON'T know,' said the Caterpillar.




  Alice said nothing:  she had never been so much contradicted in


her life before, and she felt that she was losing her temper.




  `Are you content now?' said the Caterpillar.




  `Well, I should like to be a LITTLE larger, sir, if you


wouldn't mind,' said Alice:  `three inches is such a wretched


height to be.'




  `It is a very good height indeed!' said the Caterpillar


angrily, rearing itself upright as it spoke (it was exactly three


inches high).




  `But I'm not used to it!' pleaded poor Alice in a piteous tone.


And she thought of herself, `I wish the creatures wouldn't be so


easily offended!'




  `You'll get used to it in time,' said the Caterpillar; and it


put the hookah into its mouth and began smoking again.




  This time Alice waited patiently until it chose to speak again.


In a minute or two the Caterpillar took the hookah out of its


mouth and yawned once or twice, and shook itself.  Then it got


down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely


remarking as it went, `One side will make you grow taller, and


the other side will make you grow shorter.'




  `One side of WHAT?  The other side of WHAT?' thought Alice to


herself.




  `Of the mushroom,' said the Caterpillar, just as if she had


asked it aloud; and in another moment it was out of sight.




  Alice remained looking thoughtfully at the mushroom for a


minute, trying to make out which were the two sides of it; and as


it was perfectly round, she found this a very difficult question.


However, at last she stretched her arms round it as far as they


would go, and broke off a bit of the edge with each hand.




  `And now which is which?' she said to herself, and nibbled a


little of the right-hand bit to try the effect:  the next moment


she felt a violent blow underneath her chin:  it had struck her


foot!




  She was a good deal frightened by this very sudden change, but


she felt that there was no time to be lost, as she was shrinking


rapidly; so she set to work at once to eat some of the other bit.


Her chin was pressed so closely against her foot, that there was


hardly room to open her mouth; but she did it at last, and


managed to swallow a morsel of the lefthand bit.






     *       *       *       *       *       *       *




         *       *       *       *       *       *




     *       *       *       *       *       *       *




  `Come, my head's free at last!' said Alice in a tone of


delight, which changed into alarm in another moment, when she


found that her shoulders were nowhere to be found:  all she could


see, when she looked down, was an immense length of neck, which


seemed to rise like a stalk out of a sea of green leaves that lay


far below her.




  `What CAN all that green stuff be?' said Alice.  `And where


HAVE my shoulders got to?  And oh, my poor hands, how is it I


can't see you?'  She was moving them about as she spoke, but no


result seemed to follow, except a little shaking among the


distant green leaves.




  As there seemed to be no chance of getting her hands up to her


head, she tried to get her head down to them, and was delighted


to find that her neck would bend about easily in any direction,


like a serpent.  She had just succeeded in curving it down into a


graceful zigzag, and was going to dive in among the leaves, which


she found to be nothing but the tops of the trees under which she


had been wandering, when a sharp hiss made her draw back in a


hurry:  a large pigeon had flown into her face, and was beating


her violently with its wings.




  `Serpent!' screamed the Pigeon.




  `I'm NOT a serpent!' said Alice indignantly.  `Let me alone!'




  `Serpent, I say again!' repeated the Pigeon, but in a more


subdued tone, and added with a kind of sob, `I've tried every


way, and nothing seems to suit them!'




  `I haven't the least idea what you're talking about,' said


Alice.




  `I've tried the roots of trees, and I've tried banks, and I've


tried hedges,' the Pigeon went on, without attending to her; `but


those serpents!  There's no pleasing them!'




  Alice was more and more puzzled, but she thought there was no


use in saying anything more till the Pigeon had finished.




  `As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs,' said the


Pigeon; `but I must be on the look-out for serpents night and


day!  Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks!'




  `I'm very sorry you've been annoyed,' said Alice, who was


beginning to see its meaning.




  `And just as I'd taken the highest tree in the wood,' continued


the Pigeon, raising its voice to a shriek, `and just as I was


thinking I should be free of them at last, they must needs come


wriggling down from the sky!  Ugh, Serpent!'




  `But I'm NOT a serpent, I tell you!' said Alice.  `I'm a--I'm


a--'




  `Well!  WHAT are you?' said the Pigeon.  `I can see you're


trying to invent something!'




  `I--I'm a little girl,' said Alice, rather doubtfully, as she


remembered the number of changes she had gone through that day.




  `A likely story indeed!' said the Pigeon in a tone of the


deepest contempt.  `I've seen a good many little girls in my


time, but never ONE with such a neck as that!  No, no!  You're a


serpent; and there's no use denying it.  I suppose you'll be


telling me next that you never tasted an egg!'




  `I HAVE tasted eggs, certainly,' said Alice, who was a very


truthful child; `but little girls eat eggs quite as much as


serpents do, you know.'




  `I don't believe it,' said the Pigeon; `but if they do, why


then they're a kind of serpent, that's all I can say.'




  This was such a new idea to Alice, that she was quite silent


for a minute or two, which gave the Pigeon the opportunity of


adding, `You're looking for eggs, I know THAT well enough; and


what does it matter to me whether you're a little girl or a


serpent?'




  `It matters a good deal to ME,' said Alice hastily; `but I'm


not looking for eggs, as it happens; and if I was, I shouldn't


want YOURS:  I don't like them raw.'




  `Well, be off, then!' said the Pigeon in a sulky tone, as it


settled down again into its nest.  Alice crouched down among the


trees as well as she could, for her neck kept getting entangled


among the branches, and every now and then she had to stop and


untwist it.  After a while she remembered that she still held the


pieces of mushroom in her hands, and she set to work very


carefully, nibbling first at one and then at the other, and


growing sometimes taller and sometimes shorter, until she had


succeeded in bringing herself down to her usual height.




  It was so long since she had been anything near the right size,


that it felt quite strange at first; but she got used to it in a


few minutes, and began talking to herself, as usual.  `Come,


there's half my plan done now!  How puzzling all these changes


are!  I'm never sure what I'm going to be, from one minute to


another!  However, I've got back to my right size:  the next


thing is, to get into that beautiful garden--how IS that to be


done, I wonder?'  As she said this, she came suddenly upon an


open place, with a little house in it about four feet high.


`Whoever lives there,' thought Alice, `it'll never do to come


upon them THIS size:  why, I should frighten them out of their


wits!'  So she began nibbling at the righthand bit again, and did


not venture to go near the house till she had brought herself


down to nine inches high.








                           CHAPTER VI




                         Pig and Pepper






  For a minute or two she stood looking at the house, and


wondering what to do next, when suddenly a footman in livery came


running out of the wood--(she considered him to be a footman


because he was in livery:  otherwise, judging by his face only,


she would have called him a fish)--and rapped loudly at the door


with his knuckles.  It was opened by another footman in livery,


with a round face, and large eyes like a frog; and both footmen,


Alice noticed, had powdered hair that curled all over their


heads.  She felt very curious to know what it was all about, and


crept a little way out of the wood to listen.




  The Fish-Footman began by producing from under his arm a great


letter, nearly as large as himself, and this he handed over to


the other, saying, in a solemn tone, `For the Duchess.  An


invitation from the Queen to play croquet.'  The Frog-Footman


repeated, in the same solemn tone, only changing the order of the


words a little, `From the Queen.  An invitation for the Duchess


to play croquet.'




  Then they both bowed low, and their curls got entangled


together.




  Alice laughed so much at this, that she had to run back into


the wood for fear of their hearing her; and when she next peeped


out the Fish-Footman was gone, and the other was sitting on the


ground near the door, staring stupidly up into the sky.




  Alice went timidly up to the door, and knocked.




  `There's no sort of use in knocking,' said the Footman, `and


that for two reasons.  First, because I'm on the same side of the


door as you are; secondly, because they're making such a noise


inside, no one could possibly hear you.'  And certainly there was


a most extraordinary noise going on within--a constant howling


and sneezing, and every now and then a great crash, as if a dish


or kettle had been broken to pieces.




  `Please, then,' said Alice, `how am I to get in?'




  `There might be some sense in your knocking,' the Footman went


on without attending to her, `if we had the door between us.  For


instance, if you were INSIDE, you might knock, and I could let


you out, you know.'  He was looking up into the sky all the time


he was speaking, and this Alice thought decidedly uncivil.  `But


perhaps he can't help it,' she said to herself; `his eyes are so


VERY nearly at the top of his head.  But at any rate he might


answer questions.--How am I to get in?' she repeated, aloud.




  `I shall sit here,' the Footman remarked, `till tomorrow--'




  At this moment the door of the house opened, and a large plate


came skimming out, straight at the Footman's head:  it just


grazed his nose, and broke to pieces against one of the trees


behind him.




  `--or next day, maybe,' the Footman continued in the same tone,


exactly as if nothing had happened.




  `How am I to get in?' asked Alice again, in a louder tone.




  `ARE you to get in at all?' said the Footman.  `That's the


first question, you know.'




  It was, no doubt:  only Alice did not like to be told so.


`It's really dreadful,' she muttered to herself, `the way all the


creatures argue.  It's enough to drive one crazy!'




  The Footman seemed to think this a good opportunity for


repeating his remark, with variations.  `I shall sit here,' he


said, `on and off, for days and days.'




  `But what am I to do?' said Alice.




  `Anything you like' said the Footman, and began whistling.




  `Oh, there's no use in talking to him,' said Alice desperately:


`he's perfectly idiotic!'  And she opened the door and went in.




  The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of


smoke from one end to the other:  the Duchess was sitting on a


three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook was


leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to


be full of soup.




  `There's certainly too much pepper in that soup!' Alice said to


herself, as well as she could for sneezing.




  There was certainly too much of it in the air.  Even the


Duchess sneezed occasionally; and as for the baby, it was


sneezing and howling alternately without a moment's pause.  The


only things in the kitchen that did not sneeze, were the cook,


and a large cat which was sitting on the hearth and grinning from


ear to ear.




  `Please would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, for


she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to


speak first, `why your cat grins like that?'




  `It's a Cheshire cat,' said the Duchess, `and that's why.


Pig!'




  She said the last word with such sudden violence that Alice


quite jumped; but she saw in another moment that it was addressed


to the baby, and not to her, so she took courage, and went on


again:--




  I didn't know that Cheshire cats always grinned; in fact, I


didn't know that cats COULD grin.'




  `They all can,' said the Duchess; `and most of 'em do.'




  `I don't know of any that do,' Alice said very politely,


feeling quite pleased to have got into a conversation.




  `You don't know much,' said the Duchess; `and that's a fact.'




  Alice did not at all like the tone of this remark, and thought


it would be as well to introduce some other subject of


conversation.  While she was trying to fix on one, the cook took


the cauldron of soup off the fire, and at once set to work


throwing everything within her reach at the Duchess and the baby-


-the fire-irons came first; then followed a shower of saucepans,


plates, and dishes.  The Duchess took no notice of them even when


they hit her; and the baby was howling so much already, that it


was quite impossible to say whether the blows hurt it or not.




  `Oh, PLEASE mind what you're doing!' cried Alice, jumping up


and down in an agony of terror.  `Oh, there goes his PRECIOUS


nose'; as an unusually large saucepan flew close by it, and very


nearly carried it off.




  `If everybody minded their own business,' the Duchess said in a


hoarse growl, `the world would go round a deal faster than it


does.'




  `Which would NOT be an advantage,' said Alice, who felt very


glad to get an opportunity of showing off a little of her


knowledge.  `Just think of what work it would make with the day


and night!  You see the earth takes twenty-four hours to turn


round on its axis--'




  `Talking of axes,' said the Duchess, `chop off her head!'




  Alice glanced rather anxiously at the cook, to see if she meant


to take the hint; but the cook was busily stirring the soup, and


seemed not to be listening, so she went on again:  `Twenty-four


hours, I THINK; or is it twelve?  I--'




  `Oh, don't bother ME,' said the Duchess; `I never could abide


figures!'  And with that she began nursing her child again,


singing a sort of lullaby to it as she did so, and giving it a


violent shake at the end of every line:




        `Speak roughly to your little boy,


          And beat him when he sneezes:


        He only does it to annoy,


          Because he knows it teases.'




                    CHORUS.




    (In which the cook and the baby joined):--




                `Wow! wow! wow!'




  While the Duchess sang the second verse of the song, she kept


tossing the baby violently up and down, and the poor little thing


howled so, that Alice could hardly hear the words:--




        `I speak severely to my boy,


          I beat him when he sneezes;


        For he can thoroughly enjoy


          The pepper when he pleases!'




                    CHORUS.




                `Wow! wow! wow!'




  `Here! you may nurse it a bit, if you like!' the Duchess said


to Alice, flinging the baby at her as she spoke.  `I must go and


get ready to play croquet with the Queen,' and she hurried out of


the room.  The cook threw a frying-pan after her as she went out,


but it just missed her.




  Alice caught the baby with some difficulty, as it was a queer-


shaped little creature, and held out its arms and legs in all


directions, `just like a star-fish,' thought Alice.  The poor


little thing was snorting like a steam-engine when she caught it,


and kept doubling itself up and straightening itself out again,


so that altogether, for the first minute or two, it was as much


as she could do to hold it.




  As soon as she had made out the proper way of nursing it,


(which was to twist it up into a sort of knot, and then keep


tight hold of its right ear and left foot, so as to prevent its


undoing itself,) she carried it out into the open air.  `IF I


don't take this child away with me,' thought Alice, `they're sure


to kill it in a day or two:  wouldn't it be murder to leave it


behind?'  She said the last words out loud, and the little thing


grunted in reply (it had left off sneezing by this time).  `Don't


grunt,' said Alice; `that's not at all a proper way of expressing


yourself.'




  The baby grunted again, and Alice looked very anxiously into


its face to see what was the matter with it.  There could be no


doubt that it had a VERY turn-up nose, much more like a snout


than a real nose; also its eyes were getting extremely small for


a baby:  altogether Alice did not like the look of the thing at


all.  `But perhaps it was only sobbing,' she thought, and looked


into its eyes again, to see if there were any tears.




  No, there were no tears.  `If you're going to turn into a pig,


my dear,' said Alice, seriously, `I'll have nothing more to do


with you.  Mind now!'  The poor little thing sobbed again (or


grunted, it was impossible to say which), and they went on for


some while in silence.




  Alice was just beginning to think to herself, `Now, what am I


to do with this creature when I get it home?' when it grunted


again, so violently, that she looked down into its face in some


alarm.  This time there could be NO mistake about it:  it was


neither more nor less than a pig, and she felt that it would be


quite absurd for her to carry it further.




  So she set the little creature down, and felt quite relieved to


see it trot away quietly into the wood.  `If it had grown up,'


she said to herself, `it would have made a dreadfully ugly child:


but it makes rather a handsome pig, I think.'  And she began


thinking over other children she knew, who might do very well as


pigs, and was just saying to herself, `if one only knew the right


way to change them--' when she was a little startled by seeing


the Cheshire Cat sitting on a bough of a tree a few yards off.




  The Cat only grinned when it saw Alice.  It looked good-


natured, she thought:  still it had VERY long claws and a great


many teeth, so she felt that it ought to be treated with respect.




  `Cheshire Puss,' she began, rather timidly, as she did not at


all know whether it would like the name:  however, it only


grinned a little wider.  `Come, it's pleased so far,' thought


Alice, and she went on.  `Would you tell me, please, which way I


ought to go from here?'




  `That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said


the Cat.




  `I don't much care where--' said Alice.




  `Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat.




  `--so long as I get SOMEWHERE,' Alice added as an explanation.




  `Oh, you're sure to do that,' said the Cat, `if you only walk


long enough.'




  Alice felt that this could not be denied, so she tried another


question.  `What sort of people live about here?'




  `In THAT direction,' the Cat said, waving its right paw round,


`lives a Hatter:  and in THAT direction,' waving the other paw,


`lives a March Hare.  Visit either you like:  they're both mad.'




  `But I don't want to go among mad people,' Alice remarked.




  `Oh, you can't help that,' said the Cat:  `we're all mad here.


I'm mad.  You're mad.'




  `How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.




  `You must be,' said the Cat, `or you wouldn't have come here.'




  Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on


`And how do you know that you're mad?'




  `To begin with,' said the Cat, `a dog's not mad.  You grant


that?'




  `I suppose so,' said Alice.




  `Well, then,' the Cat went on, `you see, a dog growls when it's


angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.  Now I growl when I'm


pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry.  Therefore I'm mad.'




  `I call it purring, not growling,' said Alice.




  `Call it what you like,' said the Cat.  `Do you play croquet


with the Queen to-day?'




  `I should like it very much,' said Alice, `but I haven't been


invited yet.'




  `You'll see me there,' said the Cat, and vanished.




  Alice was not much surprised at this, she was getting so used


to queer things happening.  While she was looking at the place


where it had been, it suddenly appeared again.




  `By-the-bye, what became of the baby?' said the Cat.  `I'd


nearly forgotten to ask.'




  `It turned into a pig,' Alice quietly said, just as if it had


come back in a natural way.




  `I thought it would,' said the Cat, and vanished again.




  Alice waited a little, half expecting to see it again, but it


did not appear, and after a minute or two she walked on in the


direction in which the March Hare was said to live.  `I've seen


hatters before,' she said to herself; `the March Hare will be


much the most interesting, and perhaps as this is May it won't be


raving mad--at least not so mad as it was in March.'  As she said


this, she looked up, and there was the Cat again, sitting on a


branch of a tree.




  `Did you say pig, or fig?' said the Cat.




  `I said pig,' replied Alice; `and I wish you wouldn't keep


appearing and vanishing so suddenly:  you make on quite giddy.'




  `All right,' said the Cat; and this time it vanished quite


slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the


grin, which remained some time after the rest of it had gone.




  `Well!  I've often seen a cat without a grin,' thought Alice;


`but a grin without a cat!  It's the most curious thing I ever


say in my life!'




  She had not gone much farther before she came in sight of the


house of the March Hare:  she thought it must be the right house,


because the chimneys were shaped like ears and the roof was


thatched with fur.  It was so large a house, that she did not


like to go nearer till she had nibbled some more of the lefthand


bit of mushroom, and raised herself to about two feet high:  even


then she walked up towards it rather timidly, saying to herself


`Suppose it should be raving mad after all!  I almost wish I'd


gone to see the Hatter instead!'








                           CHAPTER VII




                         A Mad Tea-Party






  There was a table set out under a tree in front of the house,


and the March Hare and the Hatter were having tea at it:  a


Dormouse was sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two


were using it as a cushion, resting their elbows on it, and the


talking over its head.  `Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,'


thought Alice; `only, as it's asleep, I suppose it doesn't mind.'




  The table was a large one, but the three were all crowded


together at one corner of it:  `No room!  No room!' they cried


out when they saw Alice coming.  `There's PLENTY of room!' said


Alice indignantly, and she sat down in a large arm-chair at one


end of the table.




  `Have some wine,' the March Hare said in an encouraging tone.




  Alice looked all round the table, but there was nothing on it


but tea.  `I don't see any wine,' she remarked.




  `There isn't any,' said the March Hare.




  `Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it,' said Alice


angrily.




  `It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being


invited,' said the March Hare.




  `I didn't know it was YOUR table,' said Alice; `it's laid for a


great many more than three.'




  `Your hair wants cutting,' said the Hatter.  He had been


looking at Alice for some time with great curiosity, and this was


his first speech.




  `You should learn not to make personal remarks,' Alice said


with some severity; `it's very rude.'




  The Hatter opened his eyes very wide on hearing this; but all


he SAID was, `Why is a raven like a writing-desk?'




  `Come, we shall have some fun now!' thought Alice.  `I'm glad


they've begun asking riddles.--I believe I can guess that,' she


added aloud.




  `Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?'


said the March Hare.




  `Exactly so,' said Alice.




  `Then you should say what you mean,' the March Hare went on.




  `I do,' Alice hastily replied; `at least--at least I mean what


I say--that's the same thing, you know.'




  `Not the same thing a bit!' said the Hatter.  `You might just


as well say that "I see what I eat" is the same thing as "I eat


what I see"!'




  `You might just as well say,' added the March Hare, `that "I


like what I get" is the same thing as "I get what I like"!'




  `You might just as well say,' added the Dormouse, who seemed to


be talking in his sleep, `that "I breathe when I sleep" is the


same thing as "I sleep when I breathe"!'




  `It IS the same thing with you,' said the Hatter, and here the


conversation dropped, and the party sat silent for a minute,


while Alice thought over all she could remember about ravens and


writing-desks, which wasn't much.




  The Hatter was the first to break the silence.  `What day of


the month is it?' he said, turning to Alice:  he had taken his


watch out of his pocket, and was looking at it uneasily, shaking


it every now and then, and holding it to his ear.




  Alice considered a little, and then said `The fourth.'




  `Two days wrong!' sighed the Hatter.  `I told you butter


wouldn't suit the works!' he added looking angrily at the March


Hare.




  `It was the BEST butter,' the March Hare meekly replied.




  `Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well,' the Hatter


grumbled:  `you shouldn't have put it in with the bread-knife.'




  The March Hare took the watch and looked at it gloomily:  then


he dipped it into his cup of tea, and looked at it again:  but he


could think of nothing better to say than his first remark, `It


was the BEST butter, you know.'




  Alice had been looking over his shoulder with some curiosity.


`What a funny watch!' she remarked.  `It tells the day of the


month, and doesn't tell what o'clock it is!'




  `Why should it?' muttered the Hatter.  `Does YOUR watch tell


you what year it is?'




  `Of course not,' Alice replied very readily:  `but that's


because it stays the same year for such a long time together.'




  `Which is just the case with MINE,' said the Hatter.




  Alice felt dreadfully puzzled.  The Hatter's remark seemed to


have no sort of meaning in it, and yet it was certainly English.


`I don't quite understand you,' she said, as politely as she


could.




  `The Dormouse is asleep again,' said the Hatter, and he poured


a little hot tea upon its nose.




  The Dormouse shook its head impatiently, and said, without


opening its eyes, `Of course, of course; just what I was going to


remark myself.'




  `Have you guessed the riddle yet?' the Hatter said, turning to


Alice again.




  `No, I give it up,' Alice replied:  `that's the answer?'




  `I haven't the slightest idea,' said the Hatter.




  `Nor I,' said the March Hare.




  Alice sighed wearily.  `I think you might do something better


with the time,' she said, `than waste it in asking riddles that


have no answers.'




  `If you knew Time as well as I do,' said the Hatter, `you


wouldn't talk about wasting IT.  It's HIM.'




  `I don't know what you mean,' said Alice.




  `Of course you don't!' the Hatter said, tossing his head


contemptuously.  `I dare say you never even spoke to Time!'




  `Perhaps not,' Alice cautiously replied:  `but I know I have to


beat time when I learn music.'




  `Ah! that accounts for it,' said the Hatter.  `He won't stand


beating.  Now, if you only kept on good terms with him, he'd do


almost anything you liked with the clock.  For instance, suppose


it were nine o'clock in the morning, just time to begin lessons:


you'd only have to whisper a hint to Time, and round goes the


clock in a twinkling!  Half-past one, time for dinner!'




  (`I only wish it was,' the March Hare said to itself in a


whisper.)




  `That would be grand, certainly,' said Alice thoughtfully:


`but then--I shouldn't be hungry for it, you know.'




  `Not at first, perhaps,' said the Hatter:  `but you could keep


it to half-past one as long as you liked.'




  `Is that the way YOU manage?' Alice asked.




  The Hatter shook his head mournfully.  `Not I!' he replied.


`We quarrelled last March--just before HE went mad, you know--'


(pointing with his tea spoon at the March Hare,) `--it was at the


great concert given by the Queen of Hearts, and I had to sing




            "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat!


            How I wonder what you're at!"




You know the song, perhaps?'




  `I've heard something like it,' said Alice.




  `It goes on, you know,' the Hatter continued, `in this way:--




            "Up above the world you fly,


            Like a tea-tray in the sky.


                    Twinkle, twinkle--"'




Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep


`Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle--' and went on so long that


they had to pinch it to make it stop.




  `Well, I'd hardly finished the first verse,' said the Hatter,


`when the Queen jumped up and bawled out, "He's murdering the


time!  Off with his head!"'




  `How dreadfully savage!' exclaimed Alice.




  `And ever since that,' the Hatter went on in a mournful tone,


`he won't do a thing I ask!  It's always six o'clock now.'




  A bright idea came into Alice's head.  `Is that the reason so


many tea-things are put out here?' she asked.




  `Yes, that's it,' said the Hatter with a sigh:  `it's always


tea-time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.'




  `Then you keep moving round, I suppose?' said Alice.




  `Exactly so,' said the Hatter:  `as the things get used up.'




  `But what happens when you come to the beginning again?' Alice


ventured to ask.




  `Suppose we change the subject,' the March Hare interrupted,


yawning.  `I'm getting tired of this.  I vote the young lady


tells us a story.'




  `I'm afraid I don't know one,' said Alice, rather alarmed at


the proposal.




  `Then the Dormouse shall!' they both cried.  `Wake up,


Dormouse!'  And they pinched it on both sides at once.




  The Dormouse slowly opened his eyes.  `I wasn't asleep,' he


said in a hoarse, feeble voice:  `I heard every word you fellows


were saying.'




  `Tell us a story!' said the March Hare.




  `Yes, please do!' pleaded Alice.




  `And be quick about it,' added the Hatter, `or you'll be asleep


again before it's done.'




  `Once upon a time there were three little sisters,' the


Dormouse began in a great hurry; `and their names were Elsie,


Lacie, and Tillie; and they lived at the bottom of a well--'




  `What did they live on?' said Alice, who always took a great


interest in questions of eating and drinking.




  `They lived on treacle,' said the Dormouse, after thinking a


minute or two.




  `They couldn't have done that, you know,' Alice gently


remarked; `they'd have been ill.'




  `So they were,' said the Dormouse; `VERY ill.'




  Alice tried to fancy to herself what such an extraordinary ways


of living would be like, but it puzzled her too much, so she went


on:  `But why did they live at the bottom of a well?'




  `Take some more tea,' the March Hare said to Alice, very


earnestly.




  `I've had nothing yet,' Alice replied in an offended tone, `so


I can't take more.'




  `You mean you can't take LESS,' said the Hatter:  `it's very


easy to take MORE than nothing.'




  `Nobody asked YOUR opinion,' said Alice.




  `Who's making personal remarks now?' the Hatter asked


triumphantly.




  Alice did not quite know what to say to this:  so she helped


herself to some tea and bread-and-butter, and then turned to the


Dormouse, and repeated her question.  `Why did they live at the


bottom of a well?'




  The Dormouse again took a minute or two to think about it, and


then said, `It was a treacle-well.'




  `There's no such thing!'  Alice was beginning very angrily, but


the Hatter and the March Hare went `Sh! sh!' and the Dormouse


sulkily remarked, `If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the


story for yourself.'




  `No, please go on!' Alice said very humbly; `I won't interrupt


again.  I dare say there may be ONE.'




  `One, indeed!' said the Dormouse indignantly.  However, he


consented to go on.  `And so these three little sisters--they


were learning to draw, you know--'




  `What did they draw?' said Alice, quite forgetting her promise.




  `Treacle,' said the Dormouse, without considering at all this


time.




  `I want a clean cup,' interrupted the Hatter:  `let's all move


one place on.'




  He moved on as he spoke, and the Dormouse followed him:  the


March Hare moved into the Dormouse's place, and Alice rather


unwillingly took the place of the March Hare.  The Hatter was the


only one who got any advantage from the change:  and Alice was a


good deal worse off than before, as the March Hare had just upset


the milk-jug into his plate.




  Alice did not wish to offend the Dormouse again, so she began


very cautiously:  `But I don't understand.  Where did they draw


the treacle from?'




  `You can draw water out of a water-well,' said the Hatter; `so


I should think you could draw treacle out of a treacle-well--eh,


stupid?'




  `But they were IN the well,' Alice said to the Dormouse, not


choosing to notice this last remark.




  `Of course they were', said the Dormouse; `--well in.'




  This answer so confused poor Alice, that she let the Dormouse


go on for some time without interrupting it.




  `They were learning to draw,' the Dormouse went on, yawning and


rubbing its eyes, for it was getting very sleepy; `and they drew


all manner of things--everything that begins with an M--'




  `Why with an M?' said Alice.




  `Why not?' said the March Hare.




  Alice was silent.




  The Dormouse had closed its eyes by this time, and was going


off into a doze; but, on being pinched by the Hatter, it woke up


again with a little shriek, and went on:  `--that begins with an


M, such as mouse-traps, and the moon, and memory, and muchness--


you know you say things are "much of a muchness"--did you ever


see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?'




  `Really, now you ask me,' said Alice, very much confused, `I


don't think--'




  `Then you shouldn't talk,' said the Hatter.




  This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear:  she got


up in great disgust, and walked off; the Dormouse fell asleep


instantly, and neither of the others took the least notice of her


going, though she looked back once or twice, half hoping that


they would call after her:  the last time she saw them, they were


trying to put the Dormouse into the teapot.




  `At any rate I'll never go THERE again!' said Alice as she


picked her way through the wood.  `It's the stupidest tea-party I


ever was at in all my life!'




  Just as she said this, she noticed that one of the trees had a


door leading right into it.  `That's very curious!' she thought.


`But everything's curious today.  I think I may as well go in at


once.'  And in she went.




  Once more she found herself in the long hall, and close to the


little glass table.  `Now, I'll manage better this time,' she


said to herself, and began by taking the little golden key, and


unlocking the door that led into the garden.  Then she wet to


work nibbling at the mushroom (she had kept a piece of it in her


pocked) till she was about a foot high:  then she walked down the


little passage:  and THEN--she found herself at last in the


beautiful garden, among the bright flower-beds and the cool


fountains.








                          CHAPTER VIII




                   The Queen's Croquet-Ground






  A large rose-tree stood near the entrance of the garden:  the


roses growing on it were white, but there were three gardeners at


it, busily painting them red.  Alice thought this a very curious


thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up


to them she heard one of them say, `Look out now, Five!  Don't go


splashing paint over me like that!'




  `I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; `Seven jogged


my elbow.'




  On which Seven looked up and said, `That's right, Five!  Always


lay the blame on others!'




  `YOU'D better not talk!'said Five.  `I heard the Queen say only


yesterday you deserved to be beheaded!'




  `What for?' said the one who had spoken first.




  `That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.




  `Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, `and I'll tell him--it


was for bringing the cook tulip-roots instead of onions.'




  Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun `Well, of all


the unjust things--' when his eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as


she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly:  the


others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.




  `Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, `why you are


painting those roses?'




  Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two.  Two began in a


low voice, `Why the fact is, you see, Miss, this here ought to


have been a RED rose-tree, and we put a white one in by mistake;


and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads


cut off, you know.  So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore


she comes, to--'  At this moment Five, who had been anxiously


looking across the garden, called out `The Queen!  The Queen!'


and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon


their faces.  There was a sound of many footsteps, and Alice


looked round, eager to see the Queen.




  First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped


like the three gardeners, oblong and flat, with their hands and


feet at the corners:  next the ten courtiers; these were


ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the


soldiers did.  After these came the royal children; there were


ten of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand


in hand, in couples:  they were all ornamented with hearts.  Next


came the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice


recognised the White Rabbit:  it was talking in a hurried nervous


manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without


noticing her.  Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the


King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion; and, last of all this


grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.




  Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on


her face like the three gardeners, but she could not remember


every having heard of such a rule at processions; `and besides,


what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, `if people


had all to lie down upon their faces, so that they couldn't see


it?'  So she stood still where she was, and waited.




  When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped


and looked at her, and the Queen said severely `Who is this?'


She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed and smiled in


reply.




  `Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and,


turning to Alice, she went on, `What's your name, child?'




  `My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very


politely; but she added, to herself, `Why, they're only a pack of


cards, after all.  I needn't be afraid of them!'




  `And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three


gardeners who were lying round the rosetree; for, you see, as


they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs


was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether


they were gardeners, or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her


own children.




  `How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage.


`It's no business of MINE.'




  The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her


for a moment like a wild beast, screamed `Off with her head!


Off--'




  `Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the


Queen was silent.




  The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said


`Consider, my dear:  she is only a child!'




  The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave


`Turn them over!'




  The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.




  `Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the


three gardeners instantly jumped up, and began bowing to the


King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.




  `Leave off that!' screamed the Queen.  `You make me giddy.'


And then, turning to the rose-tree, she went on, `What HAVE you


been doing here?'




  `May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone,


going down on one knee as he spoke, `we were trying--'




  `I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the


roses.  `Off with their heads!' and the procession moved on,


three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute the unfortunate


gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.




  `You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a


large flower-pot that stood near.  The three soldiers wandered


about for a minute or two, looking for them, and then quietly


marched off after the others.




  `Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.




  `Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers


shouted in reply.




  `That's right!' shouted the Queen.  `Can you play croquet?'




  The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question


was evidently meant for her.




  `Yes!' shouted Alice.




  `Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the


procession, wondering very much what would happen next.




  `It's--it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side.


She was walking by the White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously


into her face.




  `Very,' said Alice:  `--where's the Duchess?'




  `Hush!  Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone.  He


looked anxiously over his shoulder as he spoke, and then raised


himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and


whispered `She's under sentence of execution.'




  `What for?' said Alice.




  `Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.




  `No, I didn't,' said Alice:  `I don't think it's at all a pity.


I said "What for?"'




  `She boxed the Queen's ears--' the Rabbit began.  Alice gave a


little scream of laughter.  `Oh, hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a


frightened tone.  `The Queen will hear you!  You see, she came


rather late, and the Queen said--'




  `Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder,


and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up


against each other; however, they got settled down in a minute or


two, and the game began.  Alice thought she had never seen such a


curious croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and


furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs, the mallets live


flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to


stand on their hands and feet, to make the arches.




  The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her


flamingo:  she succeeded in getting its body tucked away,


comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging down,


but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened


out, and was going to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it


WOULD twist itself round and look up in her face, with such a


puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing:


and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again,


it was very provoking to find that the hedgehog had unrolled


itself, and was in the act of crawling away:  besides all this,


there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she


wanted to send the hedgehog to, and, as the doubled-up soldiers


were always getting up and walking off to other parts of the


ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very


difficult game indeed.




  The players all played at once without waiting for turns,


quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedgehogs; and in


a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion, and went


stamping about, and shouting `Off with his head!' or `Off with


her head!' about once in a minute.




  Alice began to feel very uneasy:  to be sure, she had not as


yet had any dispute with the Queen, but she knew that it might


happen any minute, `and then,' thought she, `what would become of


me?  They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great


wonder is, that there's any one left alive!'




  She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering


whether she could get away without being seen, when she noticed a


curious appearance in the air:  it puzzled her very much at


first, but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to


be a grin, and she said to herself `It's the Cheshire Cat:  now I


shall have somebody to talk to.'




  `How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was


mouth enough for it to speak with.




  Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded.  `It's no


use speaking to it,' she thought, `till its ears have come, or at


least one of them.'  In another minute the whole head appeared,


and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the


game, feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her.  The


Cat seemed to think that there was enough of it now in sight, and


no more of it appeared.




  `I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather


a complaining tone,' and they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't


hear oneself speak--and they don't seem to have any rules in


particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them--and


you've no idea how confusing it is all the things being alive;


for instance, there's the arch I've got to go through next


walking about at the other end of the ground--and I should have


croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it


saw mine coming?'




  `How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.




  `Not at all,' said Alice:  `she's so extremely--'  Just then


she noticed that the Queen was close behind her, listening:  so


she went on, `--likely to win, that it's hardly worth while


finishing the game.'




  The Queen smiled and passed on.




  `Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and


looking at the Cat's head with great curiosity.




  `It's a friend of mine--a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice:  `allow me


to introduce it.'




  `I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King:  `however,


it may kiss my hand if it likes.'




  `I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.




  `Don't be impertinent,' said the King, `and don't look at me


like that!'  He got behind Alice as he spoke.




  `A cat may look at a king,' said Alice.  `I've read that in


some book, but I don't remember where.'




  `Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and


he called the Queen, who was passing at the moment, `My dear!  I


wish you would have this cat removed!'




  The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great


or small.  `Off with his head!' she said, without even looking


round.




  `I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and


he hurried off.




  Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game


was going on, as she heard the Queen's voice in the distance,


screaming with passion.  She had already heard her sentence three


of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and


she did not like the look of things at all, as the game was in


such confusion that she never knew whether it was her turn or


not.  So she went in search of her hedgehog.




  The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog,


which seemed to Alice an excellent opportunity for croqueting one


of them with the other:  the only difficulty was, that her


flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where


Alice could see it trying in a helpless sort of way to fly up


into a tree.




  By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back,


the fight was over, and both the hedgehogs were out of sight:


`but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, `as all the arches


are gone from the side of the ground.'  So she tucked it away


under her arm, that it might not escape again, and went back for


a little more conversation with her friend.




  When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to


find quite a large crowd collected round it:  there was a dispute


going on between the executioner, the King, and the Queen, who


were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent,


and looked very uncomfortable.




  The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to


settle the question, and they repeated their arguments to her,


though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very hard indeed


to make out exactly what they said.




  The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a


head unless there was a body to cut it off from:  that he had


never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going to begin


at HIS time of life.




  The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be


beheaded, and that you weren't to talk nonsense.




  The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about


it in less than no time she'd have everybody executed, all round.


(It was this last remark that had made the whole party look so


grave and anxious.)




  Alice could think of nothing else to say but `It belongs to the


Duchess:  you'd better ask HER about it.'




  `She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner:  `fetch


her here.'  And the executioner went off like an arrow.




  The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,


by the time he had disappeared; so the King and the executioner


ran wildly up and down looking for it, while the rest of the


party went back to the game.








                           CHAPTER IX




                     The Mock Turtle's Story






  `You can't think you glad I am to see you again, you dear old


thing!' said the Duchess, as she tucked her arm affectionately


into Alice's, and they walked off together.




  Alice was very glad to find her in such a pleasant temper, and


thought to herself that perhaps it was only the pepper that had


made her so savage when they met in the kitchen.




  `When I'M a Duchess,' she said to herself, (not in a very


hopeful tone though), `I won't have any pepper in my kitchen AT


ALL.  Soup does very well without--Maybe it's always pepper that


makes people hot-tempered,' she went on, very much pleased at


having found out a new kind of rule, `and vinegar that makes them


sour--and camomile that makes them bitter--and--and barley-sugar


and such things that make children sweet-tempered.  I only wish


people knew that:  then they wouldn't be so stingy about it, you


know--'




  She had quite forgotten the Duchess by this time, and was a


little startled when she heard her voice close to her ear.


`You're thinking about something, my dear, and that makes you


forget to talk.  I can't tell you just now what the moral of that


is, but I shall remember it in a bit.'




  `Perhaps it hasn't one,' Alice ventured to remark.




  `Tut, tut, child!' said the Duchess.  `Everything's got a


moral, if only you can find it.'  And she squeezed herself up


closer to Alice's side as she spoke.




  Alice did not much like keeping so close to her:  first,


because the Duchess was VERY ugly; and secondly, because she was


exactly the right height to rest her chin upon Alice's shoulder,


and it was an uncomfortably sharp chin.  However, she did not


like to be rude, so she bore it as well as she could.




  `The game's going on rather better now,' she said, by way of


keeping up the conversation a little.




  `'Tis so,' said the Duchess:  `and the moral of that is--"Oh,


'tis love, 'tis love, that makes the world go round!"'




  `Somebody said,' Alice whispered, `that it's done by everybody


minding their own business!'




  `Ah, well!  It means much the same thing,' said the Duchess,


digging her sharp little chin into Alice's shoulder as she added,


`and the moral of THAT is--"Take care of the sense, and the


sounds will take care of themselves."'




  `How fond she is of finding morals in things!' Alice thought to


herself.




  `I dare say you're wondering why I don't put my arm round your


waist,' the Duchess said after a pause:  `the reason is, that I'm


doubtful about the temper of your flamingo.  Shall I try the


experiment?'




  `HE might bite,' Alice cautiously replied, not feeling at all


anxious to have the experiment tried.




  `Very true,' said the Duchess:  `flamingoes and mustard both


bite.  And the moral of that is--"Birds of a feather flock


together."'




  `Only mustard isn't a bird,' Alice remarked.




  `Right, as usual,' said the Duchess:  `what a clear way you


have of putting things!'




  `It's a mineral, I THINK,' said Alice.




  `Of course it is,' said the Duchess, who seemed ready to agree


to everything that Alice said; `there's a large mustard-mine near


here.  And the moral of that is--"The more there is of mine, the


less there is of yours."'




  `Oh, I know!' exclaimed Alice, who had not attended to this


last remark, `it's a vegetable.  It doesn't look like one, but it


is.'




  `I quite agree with you,' said the Duchess; `and the moral of


that is--"Be what you would seem to be"--or if you'd like it put


more simply--"Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than


what it might appear to others that what you were or might have


been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared


to them to be otherwise."'




  `I think I should understand that better,' Alice said very


politely, `if I had it written down:  but I can't quite follow it


as you say it.'




  `That's nothing to what I could say if I chose,' the Duchess


replied, in a pleased tone.




  `Pray don't trouble yourself to say it any longer than that,'


said Alice.




  `Oh, don't talk about trouble!' said the Duchess.  `I make you


a present of everything I've said as yet.'




  `A cheap sort of present!' thought Alice.  `I'm glad they don't


give birthday presents like that!'  But she did not venture to


say it out loud.




  `Thinking again?' the Duchess asked, with another dig of her


sharp little chin.




  `I've a right to think' said Alice sharply, for she was


beginning to feel a little worried.




  `Just about as much right,' said the Duchess, `as pigs have to


fly; and the m--'




  But here, to Alice's great surprise, the Duchess's voice died


away, even in the middle of her favourite word `moral,' and the


arm that was linked into hers began to tremble.  Alice looked up,


and there stood the Queen in front of them, with her arms folded,


frowning like a thunderstorm.




  `A fine day, your Majesty!' the Duchess began in a low, weak


voice.




  `Now, I give you fair warning,' shouted the Queen, stamping on


the ground as she spoke; `either you or your head must be off,


and that in about half no time!  Take your choice!'




  The Duchess took her choice, and was gone in a moment.




  `Let's go on with the game,' the Queen said to Alice; and Alice


was too much frightened to say a word, but slowly followed her


back to the croquet-ground.




  The other guests had taken advantage of the Queen's absence,


and were resting in the shade:  however, the moment they saw her,


they hurried back to the game, the Queen merely remarking that a


moment's delay would cost them their lives.




  All the time they were playing the Queen never left off


quarrelling with the other players, and shouting `Off with his


head!' or `Off with her head!'  Those whom she sentenced were


taken into custody by the soldiers, who of course had to leave


off being arches to do this, so that by the end of half an hour


or so there were no arches left, and all the players, except the


King, the Queen, and Alice, were in custody and under sentence of


execution.




  Then the Queen left off, quite out of breath, and said to


Alice, `Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?'




  `No,' said Alice.  `I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.'




  `It's the thing Mock Turtle Soup is made from,' said the Queen.




  `I never saw one, or heard of one,' said Alice.




  `Come on, then,' said the Queen, `and he shall tell you his


history,'




  As they walked off together, Alice heard the King say in a low


voice, to the company generally, `You are all pardoned.'  `Come,


THAT'S a good thing!' she said to herself, for she had felt quite


unhappy at the number of executions the Queen had ordered.




  They very soon came upon a Gryphon, lying fast asleep in the


sun.  (IF you don't know what a Gryphon is, look at the picture.)


`Up, lazy thing!' said the Queen, `and take this young lady to


see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history.  I must go back and


see after some executions I have ordered'; and she walked off,


leaving Alice alone with the Gryphon.  Alice did not quite like


the look of the creature, but on the whole she thought it would


be quite as safe to stay with it as to go after that savage


Queen:  so she waited.




  The Gryphon sat up and rubbed its eyes:  then it watched the


Queen till she was out of sight:  then it chuckled.  `What fun!'


said the Gryphon, half to itself, half to Alice.




  `What IS the fun?' said Alice.




  `Why, SHE,' said the Gryphon.  `It's all her fancy, that:  they


never executes nobody, you know.  Come on!'




  `Everybody says "come on!" here,' thought Alice, as she went


slowly after it:  `I never was so ordered about in all my life,


never!'




  They had not gone far before they saw the Mock Turtle in the


distance, sitting sad and lonely on a little ledge of rock, and,


as they came nearer, Alice could hear him sighing as if his heart


would break.  She pitied him deeply.  `What is his sorrow?' she


asked the Gryphon, and the Gryphon answered, very nearly in the


same words as before, `It's all his fancy, that:  he hasn't got


no sorrow, you know.  Come on!'




  So they went up to the Mock Turtle, who looked at them with


large eyes full of tears, but said nothing.




  `This here young lady,' said the Gryphon, `she wants for to


know your history, she do.'




  `I'll tell it her,' said the Mock Turtle in a deep, hollow


tone:  `sit down, both of you, and don't speak a word till I've


finished.'




  So they sat down, and nobody spoke for some minutes.  Alice


thought to herself, `I don't see how he can EVEN finish, if he


doesn't begin.'  But she waited patiently.




  `Once,' said the Mock Turtle at last, with a deep sigh, `I was


a real Turtle.'




  These words were followed by a very long silence, broken only


by an occasional exclamation of `Hjckrrh!' from the Gryphon, and


the constant heavy sobbing of the Mock Turtle.  Alice was very


nearly getting up and saying, `Thank you, sir, for your


interesting story,' but she could not help thinking there MUST be


more to come, so she sat still and said nothing.




  `When we were little,' the Mock Turtle went on at last, more


calmly, though still sobbing a little now and then, `we went to


school in the sea.  The master was an old Turtle--we used to call


him Tortoise--'




  `Why did you call him Tortoise, if he wasn't one?' Alice asked.




  `We called him Tortoise because he taught us,' said the Mock


Turtle angrily:  `really you are very dull!'




  `You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple


question,' added the Gryphon; and then they both sat silent and


looked at poor Alice, who felt ready to sink into the earth.  At


last the Gryphon said to the Mock Turtle, `Drive on, old fellow!


Don't be all day about it!' and he went on in these words:




  `Yes, we went to school in the sea, though you mayn't believe


it--'




  `I never said I didn't!' interrupted Alice.




  `You did,' said the Mock Turtle.




  `Hold your tongue!' added the Gryphon, before Alice could speak


again.  The Mock Turtle went on.




  `We had the best of educations--in fact, we went to school


every day--'




  `I'VE been to a day-school, too,' said Alice; `you needn't be


so proud as all that.'




  `With extras?' asked the Mock Turtle a little anxiously.




  `Yes,' said Alice, `we learned French and music.'




  `And washing?' said the Mock Turtle.




  `Certainly not!' said Alice indignantly.




  `Ah! then yours wasn't a really good school,' said the Mock


Turtle in a tone of great relief.  `Now at OURS they had at the


end of the bill, "French, music, AND WASHING--extra."'




  `You couldn't have wanted it much,' said Alice; `living at the


bottom of the sea.'




  `I couldn't afford to learn it.' said the Mock Turtle with a


sigh.  `I only took the regular course.'




  `What was that?' inquired Alice.




  `Reeling and Writhing, of course, to begin with,' the Mock


Turtle replied; `and then the different branches of Arithmetic--


Ambition, Distraction, Uglification, and Derision.'




  `I never heard of "Uglification," Alice ventured to say.  `What


is it?'




  The Gryphon lifted up both its paws in surprise.  `What!  Never


heard of uglifying!' it exclaimed.  `You know what to beautify


is, I suppose?'




  `Yes,' said Alice doubtfully:  `it means--to--make--anything--


prettier.'




  `Well, then,' the Gryphon went on, `if you don't know what to


uglify is, you ARE a simpleton.'




  Alice did not feel encouraged to ask any more questions about


it, so she turned to the Mock Turtle, and said `What else had you


to learn?'




  `Well, there was Mystery,' the Mock Turtle replied, counting


off the subjects on his flappers, `--Mystery, ancient and modern,


with Seaography:  then Drawling--the Drawling-master was an old


conger-eel, that used to come once a week:  HE taught us


Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.'




  `What was THAT like?' said Alice.




  `Well, I can't show it you myself,' the Mock Turtle said:  `I'm


too stiff.  And the Gryphon never learnt it.'




  `Hadn't time,' said the Gryphon:  `I went to the Classics


master, though.  He was an old crab, HE was.'




  `I never went to him,' the Mock Turtle said with a sigh:  `he


taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.'




  `So he did, so he did,' said the Gryphon, sighing in his turn;


and both creatures hid their faces in their paws.




  `And how many hours a day did you do lessons?' said Alice, in a


hurry to change the subject.




  `Ten hours the first day,' said the Mock Turtle: `nine the


next, and so on.'




  `What a curious plan!' exclaimed Alice.




  `That's the reason they're called lessons,' the Gryphon


remarked:  `because they lessen from day to day.'




  This was quite a new idea to Alice, and she thought it over a


little before she made her next remark.  `Then the eleventh day


must have been a holiday?'




  `Of course it was,' said the Mock Turtle.




  `And how did you manage on the twelfth?' Alice went on eagerly.




  `That's enough about lessons,' the Gryphon interrupted in a


very decided tone:  `tell her something about the games now.'








                            CHAPTER X




                      The Lobster Quadrille






  The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and drew the back of one flapper


across his eyes.  He looked at Alice, and tried to speak, but for


a minute or two sobs choked his voice.  `Same as if he had a bone


in his throat,' said the Gryphon:  and it set to work shaking him


and punching him in the back.  At last the Mock Turtle recovered


his voice, and, with tears running down his cheeks, he went on


again:--




  `You may not have lived much under the sea--' (I haven't,' said


Alice)--`and perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster-


-'  (Alice began to say `I once tasted--' but checked herself


hastily, and said `No, never') `--so you can have no idea what a


delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is!'




  `No, indeed,' said Alice.  `What sort of a dance is it?'




  `Why,' said the Gryphon, `you first form into a line along the


sea-shore--'




  `Two lines!' cried the Mock Turtle.  `Seals, turtles, salmon,


and so on; then, when you've cleared all the jelly-fish out of


the way--'




  `THAT generally takes some time,' interrupted the Gryphon.




  `--you advance twice--'




  `Each with a lobster as a partner!' cried the Gryphon.




  `Of course,' the Mock Turtle said:  `advance twice, set to


partners--'




  `--change lobsters, and retire in same order,' continued the


Gryphon.




  `Then, you know,' the Mock Turtle went on, `you throw the--'




  `The lobsters!' shouted the Gryphon, with a bound into the air.




  `--as far out to sea as you can--'




  `Swim after them!' screamed the Gryphon.




  `Back to land again, and that's all the first figure,' said the


Mock Turtle, suddenly dropping his voice; and the two creatures,


who had been jumping about like mad things all this time, sat


down again very sadly and quietly, and looked at Alice.




  `It must be a very pretty dance,' said Alice timidly.




  `Would you like to see a little of it?' said the Mock Turtle.




  `Very much indeed,' said Alice.




  `Come, let's try the first figure!' said the Mock Turtle to the


Gryphon.  `We can do without lobsters, you know.  Which shall


sing?'




  `Oh, YOU sing,' said the Gryphon.  `I've forgotten the words.'




  So they began solemnly dancing round and round Alice, every now


and then treading on her toes when they passed too close, and


waving their forepaws to mark the time, while the Mock Turtle


sang this, very slowly and sadly:--






`"Will you walk a little faster?" said a whiting to a snail.


"There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my


 tail.


See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance!


They are waiting on the shingle--will you come and join the


dance?




Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the


dance?


Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the


dance?






"You can really have no notion how delightful it will be


When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters, out to


                                                      sea!"


But the snail replied "Too far, too far!" and gave a look


                                                       askance--


Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the


   dance.


    Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join


        the dance.


    Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join


        the dance.




`"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied.


"There is another shore, you know, upon the other side.


The further off from England the nearer is to France--


Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance.




    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the


         dance?


    Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the


         dance?"'








  `Thank you, it's a very interesting dance to watch,' said


Alice, feeling very glad that it was over at last:  `and I do so


like that curious song about the whiting!'




  `Oh, as to the whiting,' said the Mock Turtle, `they--you've


seen them, of course?'




  `Yes,' said Alice, `I've often seen them at dinn--' she


checked herself hastily.




  `I don't know where Dinn may be,' said the Mock Turtle, `but


if you've seen them so often, of course you know what they're


like.'




  `I believe so,' Alice replied thoughtfully.  `They have their


tails in their mouths--and they're all over crumbs.'




  `You're wrong about the crumbs,' said the Mock Turtle:


`crumbs would all wash off in the sea.  But they HAVE their tails


in their mouths; and the reason is--' here the Mock Turtle


yawned and shut his eyes.--`Tell her about the reason and all


that,' he said to the Gryphon.




  `The reason is,' said the Gryphon, `that they WOULD go with


the lobsters to the dance.  So they got thrown out to sea.  So


they had to fall a long way.  So they got their tails fast in


their mouths.  So they couldn't get them out again.  That's all.'




  `Thank you,' said Alice, `it's very interesting.  I never knew


so much about a whiting before.'




  `I can tell you more than that, if you like,' said the


Gryphon.  `Do you know why it's called a whiting?'




  `I never thought about it,' said Alice.  `Why?'




  `IT DOES THE BOOTS AND SHOES.' the Gryphon replied very


solemnly.




  Alice was thoroughly puzzled.  `Does the boots and shoes!' she


repeated in a wondering tone.




  `Why, what are YOUR shoes done with?' said the Gryphon.  `I


mean, what makes them so shiny?'




  Alice looked down at them, and considered a little before she


gave her answer.  `They're done with blacking, I believe.'




  `Boots and shoes under the sea,' the Gryphon went on in a deep


voice, `are done with a whiting.  Now you know.'




  `And what are they made of?' Alice asked in a tone of great


curiosity.




  `Soles and eels, of course,' the Gryphon replied rather


impatiently:  `any shrimp could have told you that.'




  `If I'd been the whiting,' said Alice, whose thoughts were


still running on the song, `I'd have said to the porpoise, "Keep


back, please:  we don't want YOU with us!"'




  `They were obliged to have him with them,' the Mock Turtle


said:  `no wise fish would go anywhere without a porpoise.'




  `Wouldn't it really?' said Alice in a tone of great surprise.




  `Of course not,' said the Mock Turtle:  `why, if a fish came


to ME, and told me he was going a journey, I should say "With


what porpoise?"'




  `Don't you mean "purpose"?' said Alice.




  `I mean what I say,' the Mock Turtle replied in an offended


tone.  And the Gryphon added `Come, let's hear some of YOUR


adventures.'




  `I could tell you my adventures--beginning from this morning,'


said Alice a little timidly:  `but it's no use going back to


yesterday, because I was a different person then.'




  `Explain all that,' said the Mock Turtle.




  `No, no!  The adventures first,' said the Gryphon in an


impatient tone:  `explanations take such a dreadful time.'




  So Alice began telling them her adventures from the time when


she first saw the White Rabbit.  She was a little nervous about


it just at first, the two creatures got so close to her, one on


each side, and opened their eyes and mouths so VERY wide, but she


gained courage as she went on.  Her listeners were perfectly


quiet till she got to the part about her repeating `YOU ARE OLD,


FATHER WILLIAM,' to the Caterpillar, and the words all coming


different, and then the Mock Turtle drew a long breath, and said


`That's very curious.'




  `It's all about as curious as it can be,' said the Gryphon.




  `It all came different!' the Mock Turtle repeated


thoughtfully.  `I should like to hear her try and repeat


something now.  Tell her to begin.'  He looked at the Gryphon as


if he thought it had some kind of authority over Alice.




  `Stand up and repeat "'TIS THE VOICE OF THE SLUGGARD,"' said


the Gryphon.




  `How the creatures order one about, and make one repeat


lessons!' thought Alice; `I might as well be at school at once.'


However, she got up, and began to repeat it, but her head was so


full of the Lobster Quadrille, that she hardly knew what she was


saying, and the words came very queer indeed:--




    "'Tis the voice of the Lobster; I heard him declare,


    "You have baked me too brown, I must sugar my hair."


    As a duck with its eyelids, so he with his nose


    Trims his belt and his buttons, and turns out his toes.'




              [later editions continued as follows


    When the sands are all dry, he is gay as a lark,


    And will talk in contemptuous tones of the Shark,


    But, when the tide rises and sharks are around,


    His voice has a timid and tremulous sound.]




  `That's different from what I used to say when I was a child,'


said the Gryphon.




  `Well, I never heard it before,' said the Mock Turtle; `but it


sounds uncommon nonsense.'




  Alice said nothing; she had sat down with her face in her


hands, wondering if anything would EVER happen in a natural way


again.




  `I should like to have it explained,' said the Mock Turtle.




  `She can't explain it,' said the Gryphon hastily.  `Go on with


the next verse.'




  `But about his toes?' the Mock Turtle persisted.  `How COULD


he turn them out with his nose, you know?'




  `It's the first position in dancing.' Alice said; but was


dreadfully puzzled by the whole thing, and longed to change the


subject.




  `Go on with the next verse,' the Gryphon repeated impatiently:


`it begins "I passed by his garden."'




  Alice did not dare to disobey, though she felt sure it would


all come wrong, and she went on in a trembling voice:--




    `I passed by his garden, and marked, with one eye,


    How the Owl and the Panther were sharing a pie--'




        [later editions continued as follows


    The Panther took pie-crust, and gravy, and meat,


    While the Owl had the dish as its share of the treat.


    When the pie was all finished, the Owl, as a boon,


    Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon:


    While the Panther received knife and fork with a growl,


    And concluded the banquet--]




  `What IS the use of repeating all that stuff,' the Mock Turtle


interrupted, `if you don't explain it as you go on?  It's by far


the most confusing thing I ever heard!'




  `Yes, I think you'd better leave off,' said the Gryphon:  and


Alice was only too glad to do so.




  `Shall we try another figure of the Lobster Quadrille?' the


Gryphon went on.  `Or would you like the Mock Turtle to sing you


a song?'




  `Oh, a song, please, if the Mock Turtle would be so kind,'


Alice replied, so eagerly that the Gryphon said, in a rather


offended toe, `Hm! No accounting for tastes!  Sing her "Turtle


Soup," will you, old fellow?'




  The Mock Turtle sighed deeply, and began, in a voice sometimes


choked with sobs, to sing this:--






    `Beautiful Soup, so rich and green,


    Waiting in a hot tureen!


    Who for such dainties would not stoop?


    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!


    Soup of the evening, beautiful Soup!


        Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!


        Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!


    Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,


        Beautiful, beautiful Soup!




    `Beautiful Soup!  Who cares for fish,


    Game, or any other dish?


    Who would not give all else for two p


    ennyworth only of beautiful Soup?


    Pennyworth only of beautiful Soup?


        Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!


        Beau--ootiful Soo--oop!


    Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,


        Beautiful, beauti--FUL SOUP!'




  `Chorus again!' cried the Gryphon, and the Mock Turtle had


just begun to repeat it, when a cry of `The trial's beginning!'


was heard in the distance.




  `Come on!' cried the Gryphon, and, taking Alice by the hand,


it hurried off, without waiting for the end of the song.




  `What trial is it?' Alice panted as she ran; but the Gryphon


only answered `Come on!' and ran the faster, while more and more


faintly came, carried on the breeze that followed them, the


melancholy words:--




    `Soo--oop of the e--e--evening,


        Beautiful, beautiful Soup!'








                           CHAPTER XI




                      Who Stole the Tarts?






  The King and Queen of Hearts were seated on their throne when


they arrived, with a great crowd assembled about them--all sorts


of little birds and beasts, as well as the whole pack of cards:


the Knave was standing before them, in chains, with a soldier on


each side to guard him; and near the King was the White Rabbit,


with a trumpet in one hand, and a scroll of parchment in the


other.  In the very middle of the court was a table, with a large


dish of tarts upon it:  they looked so good, that it made Alice


quite hungry to look at them--`I wish they'd get the trial done,'


she thought, `and hand round the refreshments!'  But there seemed


to be no chance of this, so she began looking at everything about


her, to pass away the time.




  Alice had never been in a court of justice before, but she had


read about them in books, and she was quite pleased to find that


she knew the name of nearly everything there.  `That's the


judge,' she said to herself, `because of his great wig.'




  The judge, by the way, was the King; and as he wore his crown


over the wig, (look at the frontispiece if you want to see how he


did it,) he did not look at all comfortable, and it was certainly


not becoming.




  `And that's the jury-box,' thought Alice, `and those twelve


creatures,' (she was obliged to say `creatures,' you see, because


some of them were animals, and some were birds,) `I suppose they


are the jurors.'  She said this last word two or three times over


to herself, being rather proud of it:  for she thought, and


rightly too, that very few little girls of her age knew the


meaning of it at all.  However, `jury-men' would have done just


as well.




  The twelve jurors were all writing very busily on slates.


`What are they doing?'  Alice whispered to the Gryphon.  `They


can't have anything to put down yet, before the trial's begun.'




  `They're putting down their names,' the Gryphon whispered in


reply, `for fear they should forget them before the end of the


trial.'




  `Stupid things!' Alice began in a loud, indignant voice, but


she stopped hastily, for the White Rabbit cried out, `Silence in


the court!' and the King put on his spectacles and looked


anxiously round, to make out who was talking.




  Alice could see, as well as if she were looking over their


shoulders, that all the jurors were writing down `stupid things!'


on their slates, and she could even make out that one of them


didn't know how to spell `stupid,' and that he had to ask his


neighbour to tell him.  `A nice muddle their slates'll be in


before the trial's over!' thought Alice.




  One of the jurors had a pencil that squeaked.  This of course,


Alice could not stand, and she went round the court and got


behind him, and very soon found an opportunity of taking it


away.  She did it so quickly that the poor little juror (it was


Bill, the Lizard) could not make out at all what had become of


it; so, after hunting all about for it, he was obliged to write


with one finger for the rest of the day; and this was of very


little use, as it left no mark on the slate.




  `Herald, read the accusation!' said the King.




  On this the White Rabbit blew three blasts on the trumpet, and


then unrolled the parchment scroll, and read as follows:--




    `The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts,


          All on a summer day:


      The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts,


          And took them quite away!'




  `Consider your verdict,' the King said to the jury.




  `Not yet, not yet!' the Rabbit hastily interrupted.  `There's


a great deal to come before that!'




  `Call the first witness,' said the King; and the White Rabbit


blew three blasts on the trumpet, and called out, `First


witness!'




  The first witness was the Hatter.  He came in with a teacup in


one hand and a piece of bread-and-butter in the other.  `I beg


pardon, your Majesty,' he began, `for bringing these in:  but I


hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for.'




  `You ought to have finished,' said the King.  `When did you


begin?'




  The Hatter looked at the March Hare, who had followed him into


the court, arm-in-arm with the Dormouse.  `Fourteenth of March, I


think it was,' he said.




  `Fifteenth,' said the March Hare.




  `Sixteenth,' added the Dormouse.




  `Write that down,' the King said to the jury, and the jury


eagerly wrote down all three dates on their slates, and then


added them up, and reduced the answer to shillings and pence.




  `Take off your hat,' the King said to the Hatter.




  `It isn't mine,' said the Hatter.




  `Stolen!' the King exclaimed, turning to the jury, who


instantly made a memorandum of the fact.




  `I keep them to sell,' the Hatter added as an explanation;


`I've none of my own.  I'm a hatter.'




  Here the Queen put on her spectacles, and began staring at the


Hatter, who turned pale and fidgeted.




  `Give your evidence,' said the King; `and don't be nervous, or


I'll have you executed on the spot.'




  This did not seem to encourage the witness at all:  he kept


shifting form one foot to the other, looking uneasily at the


Queen, and in his confusion he bit a large piece out of his


teacup instead of the bread-and-butter.




  Just at this moment Alice felt a very curious sensation, which


puzzled her a good deal until she made out what it was:  she was


beginning to grow larger again, and she thought at first she


would get up and leave the court; but on second thoughts she


decided to remain where she was as long as there was room for


her.




  `I wish you wouldn't squeeze so.' said the Dormouse, who was


sitting next to her.  `I can hardly breathe.'




  `I can't help it,' said Alice very meekly:  `I'm growing.'




  `You've no right to grow here,' said the Dormouse.




  `Don't talk nonsense,' said Alice more boldly:  `you know


you're growing too.'




  `Yes, but I grow at a reasonable pace,' said the Dormouse:


`not in that ridiculous fashion.'  And he got up very sulkily


and crossed over to the other side of the court.




  All this time the Queen had never left off staring at the


Hatter, and, just as the Dormouse crossed the court, she said to


one of the officers of the court, `Bring me the list of the


singers in the last concert!' on which the wretched Hatter


trembled so, that he shook both his shoes off.




  `Give your evidence,' the King repeated angrily, `or I'll have


you executed, whether you're nervous or not.'




  `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' the Hatter began, in a


trembling voice, `--and I hadn't begun my tea--not above a week


or so--and what with the bread-and-butter getting so thin--and


the twinkling of the tea--'




  `The twinkling of the what?' said the King.




  `It began with the tea,' the Hatter replied.




  `Of course twinkling begins with a T!' said the King sharply.


`Do you take me for a dunce?  Go on!'




  `I'm a poor man,' the Hatter went on, `and most things


twinkled after that--only the March Hare said--'




  `I didn't!' said the Hatter.




  `I deny it!' said the King:  `leave out that part.'




  `Well, at any rate, the Dormouse said--' the Hatter went on,


looking anxiously round to see if he would deny it too:  but the


Dormouse denied nothing, being fast asleep.




  `After that,' continued the Hatter, `I cut some more bread-


and-butter--'




  `But what did the Dormouse say?' one of the jury asked.




  `That I can't remember,' said the Hatter.




  `You MUST remember,' remarked the King, `or I'll have you


executed.'




  The miserable Hatter dropped his teacup and bread-and-butter,


and went down on one knee.  `I'm a poor man, your Majesty,' he


began.




  `You're a very poor speaker,' said the King.




  Here one of the guinea-pigs cheered, and was immediately


suppressed by the officers of the court.  (As that is rather a


hard word, I will just explain to you how it was done.  They had


a large canvas bag, which tied up at the mouth with strings:


into this they slipped the guinea-pig, head first, and then sat


upon it.)




  `I'm glad I've seen that done,' thought Alice.  `I've so often


read in the newspapers, at the end of trials, "There was some


attempts at applause, which was immediately suppressed by the


officers of the court," and I never understood what it meant


till now.'




  `If that's all you know about it, you may stand down,'


continued the King.




  `I can't go no lower,' said the Hatter:  `I'm on the floor, as


it is.'




  `Then you may SIT down,' the King replied.




  Here the other guinea-pig cheered, and was suppressed.




  `Come, that finished the guinea-pigs!' thought Alice.  `Now we


shall get on better.'




  `I'd rather finish my tea,' said the Hatter, with an anxious


look at the Queen, who was reading the list of singers.




  `You may go,' said the King, and the Hatter hurriedly left the


court, without even waiting to put his shoes on.




  `--and just take his head off outside,' the Queen added to one


of the officers:  but the Hatter was out of sight before the


officer could get to the door.




  `Call the next witness!' said the King.




  The next witness was the Duchess's cook.  She carried the


pepper-box in her hand, and Alice guessed who it was, even before


she got into the court, by the way the people near the door began


sneezing all at once.




  `Give your evidence,' said the King.




  `Shan't,' said the cook.




  The King looked anxiously at the White Rabbit, who said in a


low voice, `Your Majesty must cross-examine THIS witness.'




  `Well, if I must, I must,' the King said, with a melancholy


air, and, after folding his arms and frowning at the cook till


his eyes were nearly out of sight, he said in a deep voice, `What


are tarts made of?'




  `Pepper, mostly,' said the cook.




  `Treacle,' said a sleepy voice behind her.




  `Collar that Dormouse,' the Queen shrieked out.  `Behead that


Dormouse!  Turn that Dormouse out of court!  Suppress him!  Pinch


him!  Off with his whiskers!'




  For some minutes the whole court was in confusion, getting the


Dormouse turned out, and, by the time they had settled down


again, the cook had disappeared.




  `Never mind!' said the King, with an air of great relief.


`Call the next witness.'  And he added in an undertone to the


Queen, `Really, my dear, YOU must cross-examine the next witness.


It quite makes my forehead ache!'




  Alice watched the White Rabbit as he fumbled over the list,


feeling very curious to see what the next witness would be like,


`--for they haven't got much evidence YET,' she said to herself.


Imagine her surprise, when the White Rabbit read out, at the top


of his shrill little voice, the name `Alice!'








                           CHAPTER XII




                        Alice's Evidence






  `Here!' cried Alice, quite forgetting in the flurry of the


moment how large she had grown in the last few minutes, and she


jumped up in such a hurry that she tipped over the jury-box with


the edge of her skirt, upsetting all the jurymen on to the heads


of the crowd below, and there they lay sprawling about, reminding


her very much of a globe of goldfish she had accidentally upset


the week before.




  `Oh, I BEG your pardon!' she exclaimed in a tone of great


dismay, and began picking them up again as quickly as she could,


for the accident of the goldfish kept running in her head, and


she had a vague sort of idea that they must be collected at once


and put back into the jury-box, or they would die.




  `The trial cannot proceed,' said the King in a very grave


voice, `until all the jurymen are back in their proper places--


ALL,' he repeated with great emphasis, looking hard at Alice as


he said do.




  Alice looked at the jury-box, and saw that, in her haste, she


had put the Lizard in head downwards, and the poor little thing


was waving its tail about in a melancholy way, being quite unable


to move.  She soon got it out again, and put it right; `not that


it signifies much,' she said to herself; `I should think it


would be QUITE as much use in the trial one way up as the other.'




  As soon as the jury had a little recovered from the shock of


being upset, and their slates and pencils had been found and


handed back to them, they set to work very diligently to write


out a history of the accident, all except the Lizard, who seemed


too much overcome to do anything but sit with its mouth open,


gazing up into the roof of the court.




  `What do you know about this business?' the King said to


Alice.




  `Nothing,' said Alice.




  `Nothing WHATEVER?' persisted the King.




  `Nothing whatever,' said Alice.




  `That's very important,' the King said, turning to the jury.


They were just beginning to write this down on their slates, when


the White Rabbit interrupted:  `UNimportant, your Majesty means,


of course,' he said in a very respectful tone, but frowning and


making faces at him as he spoke.




  `UNimportant, of course, I meant,' the King hastily said, and


went on to himself in an undertone, `important--unimportant--


unimportant--important--' as if he were trying which word


sounded best.




  Some of the jury wrote it down `important,' and some


`unimportant.'  Alice could see this, as she was near enough to


look over their slates; `but it doesn't matter a bit,' she


thought to herself.




  At this moment the King, who had been for some time busily


writing in his note-book, cackled out `Silence!' and read out


from his book, `Rule Forty-two.  ALL PERSONS MORE THAN A MILE


HIGH TO LEAVE THE COURT.'




  Everybody looked at Alice.




  `I'M not a mile high,' said Alice.




  `You are,' said the King.




  `Nearly two miles high,' added the Queen.




  `Well, I shan't go, at any rate,' said Alice:  `besides,


that's not a regular rule:  you invented it just now.'




  `It's the oldest rule in the book,' said the King.




  `Then it ought to be Number One,' said Alice.




  The King turned pale, and shut his note-book hastily.


`Consider your verdict,' he said to the jury, in a low, trembling


voice.




  `There's more evidence to come yet, please your Majesty,' said


the White Rabbit, jumping up in a great hurry; `this paper has


just been picked up.'




  `What's in it?' said the Queen.




  `I haven't opened it yet, said the White Rabbit, `but it seems


to be a letter, written by the prisoner to--to somebody.'




  `It must have been that,' said the King, `unless it was


written to nobody, which isn't usual, you know.'




  `Who is it directed to?' said one of the jurymen.




  `It isn't directed at all,' said the White Rabbit; `in fact,


there's nothing written on the OUTSIDE.'  He unfolded the paper


as he spoke, and added `It isn't a letter, after all:  it's a set


of verses.'




  `Are they in the prisoner's handwriting?' asked another of


they jurymen.




  `No, they're not,' said the White Rabbit, `and that's the


queerest thing about it.'  (The jury all looked puzzled.)




  `He must have imitated somebody else's hand,' said the King.


(The jury all brightened up again.)




  `Please your Majesty,' said the Knave, `I didn't write it, and


they can't prove I did:  there's no name signed at the end.'




  `If you didn't sign it,' said the King, `that only makes the


matter worse.  You MUST have meant some mischief, or else you'd


have signed your name like an honest man.'




  There was a general clapping of hands at this:  it was the


first really clever thing the King had said that day.




  `That PROVES his guilt,' said the Queen.




  `It proves nothing of the sort!' said Alice.  `Why, you don't


even know what they're about!'




  `Read them,' said the King.




  The White Rabbit put on his spectacles.  `Where shall I begin,


please your Majesty?' he asked.




  `Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, `and go on


till you come to the end:  then stop.'




  These were the verses the White Rabbit read:--




        `They told me you had been to her,


          And mentioned me to him:


        She gave me a good character,


          But said I could not swim.




        He sent them word I had not gone


          (We know it to be true):


        If she should push the matter on,


          What would become of you?




        I gave her one, they gave him two,


          You gave us three or more;


        They all returned from him to you,


          Though they were mine before.




        If I or she should chance to be


          Involved in this affair,


        He trusts to you to set them free,


          Exactly as we were.




        My notion was that you had been


          (Before she had this fit)


        An obstacle that came between


          Him, and ourselves, and it.




        Don't let him know she liked them best,


          For this must ever be


        A secret, kept from all the rest,


          Between yourself and me.'




  `That's the most important piece of evidence we've heard yet,'


said the King, rubbing his hands; `so now let the jury--'




  `If any one of them can explain it,' said Alice, (she had


grown so large in the last few minutes that she wasn't a bit


afraid of interrupting him,) `I'll give him sixpence.  _I_ don't


believe there's an atom of meaning in it.'




  The jury all wrote down on their slates, `SHE doesn't believe


there's an atom of meaning in it,' but none of them attempted to


explain the paper.




  `If there's no meaning in it,' said the King, `that saves a


world of trouble, you know, as we needn't try to find any.  And


yet I don't know,' he went on, spreading out the verses on his


knee, and looking at them with one eye; `I seem to see some


meaning in them, after all.  "--SAID I COULD NOT SWIM--" you


can't swim, can you?' he added, turning to the Knave.




  The Knave shook his head sadly.  `Do I look like it?' he said.


(Which he certainly did NOT, being made entirely of cardboard.)




  `All right, so far,' said the King, and he went on muttering


over the verses to himself:  `"WE KNOW IT TO BE TRUE--" that's


the jury, of course-- "I GAVE HER ONE, THEY GAVE HIM TWO--" why,


that must be what he did with the tarts, you know--'




  `But, it goes on "THEY ALL RETURNED FROM HIM TO YOU,"' said


Alice.




  `Why, there they are!' said the King triumphantly, pointing to


the tarts on the table.  `Nothing can be clearer than THAT.


Then again--"BEFORE SHE HAD THIS FIT--"  you never had fits, my


dear, I think?' he said to the Queen.




  `Never!' said the Queen furiously, throwing an inkstand at the


Lizard as she spoke.  (The unfortunate little Bill had left off


writing on his slate with one finger, as he found it made no


mark; but he now hastily began again, using the ink, that was


trickling down his face, as long as it lasted.)




  `Then the words don't FIT you,' said the King, looking round


the court with a smile.  There was a dead silence.




  `It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and


everybody laughed, `Let the jury consider their verdict,' the


King said, for about the twentieth time that day.




  `No, no!' said the Queen.  `Sentence first--verdict


afterwards.'




  `Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly.  `The idea of having


the sentence first!'




  `Hold your tongue!' said the Queen, turning purple.




  `I won't!' said Alice.




  `Off with her head!' the Queen shouted at the top of her


voice.  Nobody moved.




  `Who cares for you?' said Alice, (she had grown to her full


size by this time.)  `You're nothing but a pack of cards!'




  At this the whole pack rose up into the air, and came flying


down upon her:  she gave a little scream, half of fright and half


of anger, and tried to beat them off, and found herself lying on


the bank, with her head in the lap of her sister, who was gently


brushing away some dead leaves that had fluttered down from the


trees upon her face.




  `Wake up, Alice dear!' said her sister; `Why, what a long


sleep you've had!'




  `Oh, I've had such a curious dream!' said Alice, and she told


her sister, as well as she could remember them, all these strange


Adventures of hers that you have just been reading about; and


when she had finished, her sister kissed her, and said, `It WAS a


curious dream, dear, certainly:  but now run in to your tea; it's


getting late.'  So Alice got up and ran off, thinking while she


ran, as well she might, what a wonderful dream it had been.




  But her sister sat still just as she left her, leaning her


head on her hand, watching the setting sun, and thinking of


little Alice and all her wonderful Adventures, till she too began


dreaming after a fashion, and this was her dream:--




  First, she dreamed of little Alice herself, and once again the


tiny hands were clasped upon her knee, and the bright eager eyes


were looking up into hers--she could hear the very tones of her


voice, and see that queer little toss of her head to keep back


the wandering hair that WOULD always get into her eyes--and


still as she listened, or seemed to listen, the whole place


around her became alive the strange creatures of her little


sister's dream.




  The long grass rustled at her feet as the White Rabbit hurried


by--the frightened Mouse splashed his way through the


neighbouring pool--she could hear the rattle of the teacups as


the March Hare and his friends shared their never-ending meal,


and the shrill voice of the Queen ordering off her unfortunate


guests to execution--once more the pig-baby was sneezing on the


Duchess's knee, while plates and dishes crashed around it--once


more the shriek of the Gryphon, the squeaking of the Lizard's


slate-pencil, and the choking of the suppressed guinea-pigs,


filled the air, mixed up with the distant sobs of the miserable


Mock Turtle.




  So she sat on, with closed eyes, and half believed herself in


Wonderland, though she knew she had but to open them again, and


all would change to dull reality--the grass would be only


rustling in the wind, and the pool rippling to the waving of the


reeds--the rattling teacups would change to tinkling sheep-


bells, and the Queen's shrill cries to the voice of the shepherd


boy--and the sneeze of the baby, the shriek of the Gryphon, and


all thy other queer noises, would change (she knew) to the


confused clamour of the busy farm-yard--while the lowing of the


cattle in the distance would take the place of the Mock Turtle's


heavy sobs.




  Lastly, she pictured to herself how this same little sister of


hers would, in the after-time, be herself a grown woman; and how


she would keep, through all her riper years, the simple and


loving heart of her childhood:  and how she would gather about


her other little children, and make THEIR eyes bright and eager


with many a strange tale, perhaps even with the dream of


Wonderland of long ago:  and how she would feel with all their


simple sorrows, and find a pleasure in all their simple joys,


remembering her own child-life, and the happy summer days.




                             THE END


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