Star Trek light bulb joke 


Q: How many people in ST:TNG does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A: Nine.
 
     A light blub out on the bridge....
 
RIKER:  "Geordi!  What the hell is going on?!?"

PICARD:  "Someone remove the lightbulb.  Conference!"
 
     In the Conference room:
 
TROI:  (Putting her hand on the dead bulb.)  "I feel...pain."

WORF:  "The bulb is useless now, Captain.  Let me dispose of it."
        (Unholsters phaser and adjusts it to "OBLITERATE" setting.)

DATA:  (Thinking about what Worf said:)  "Captain, if I were to become
       non-functional like this bulb, would I receive a regular burial or
       would I be disposed of like..."

PICARD:  "Shut up, Data.  Hold your fire, Mr. Worf.  Where is Mr. LaForge?"

GEORDI:  (Stepping into the room.)  "Here, Captain.  I'm afraid we're out of
         light bulbs.  Who needs light anyway?  With my VISOR, I can clearly
         see despite the absence of visible light."

BEVERLY:  "I can surgically remove everyone's eyes and outfit us all with
          VISORs...."

WESLEY:  "No way, Mom.  Wait!  I got it!  I'll build us a positronic 
         kreiger-wave-condensing incandescent light generator!"

RIKER:  "Excellent, Wes.  By the way, what the hell are you doing in this 
        meeting?  This is for senior officers only!  Worf, put Ensign Crusher
        in the brig!"

WORF:  (To Wesley, grinning.)  "You will walk or I will carry you!"

BEVERLY:  "You're not touching my son!"
 
     Everyone lurches.  Outside, two Borg ships begin attacking the 
ENTERPRISE.  Everyone rushes to the bridge.  Q suddenly appears on the bridge
in a flash of light.
 
PICARD:  "Q!  End this!"

Q:  "Temper temper, mon capitan.  Can't you humans take a joke?"  (Snaps
    fingers--Borg ships disappear.)

PICARD:  "I didn't mean the Borg ships--I meant the light bulb!"

Q:  "Oh.  Sorry."  (Snaps fingers again--bulb is restored.)  "Until next
    time!"  (Flash of light--Q disappears.)

PICARD:  (Hands restored bulb to Wesley.)  "Mr. Crusher.  Prepare to screw
         light bulb."

WESLEY:  "Aye, Captain."  (Holds bulb in position over bulb socket.)

PICARD:  "Engage!"



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