HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY



               HOW YOU CAN TELL WHEN IT'S GOING TO BE A BAD DAY



         You wake up - face down on the pavement
         You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
         You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
         You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your
              office
         Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candle
         Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own
              business
         You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party
              but there aren't any
         You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out
              of the city
         Your twin sister forgets your birthday
         You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you
              realize you don't have a waterbed
         Your carhorn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you
              follow a group of hells angels on the freeway
         Your wife wakes up feeling amourous and YOU have a headache
         Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat
         The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
         You wake up and your braces are locked together
         You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of
              your panty hose
         You call your answering service and they tell you it's none
              of your business
         Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife
         Your income tax check bounces
         You put both contact lenses in the same eye
         Your pet rock snaps at you
         Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George
         
         
     


         
         




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

BOTTOM LIVE script

                                  BOTTOM                                   ======                     by Adrian Edmondson and Rik Mayall                                 Bottom Live                                 ===========                               Richie  Rik Mayall                                Eddie  Adrian Edmondson Introduction ------------ [Opening shot of theatre, with huge pictures of Richie and Eddie. Caption: "Live from the Mayflower Theatre, Southampton".] Vox Pop 1:  So I'm hoping that this is a lot ruder than the TV, because             they can get away with it. [Cut to Ade's dressing-room door. It opens to reveal a clothes rail, its only contents a brown jacket.] Vox Pop 2:  I just think they're ace, you know, absolutely excellent. [Cut to dressing-gown, pan across a pair of glasses and a revolver.] Vox Pop 3:  It couldn't be too rude, I mean that's what young people want. [Rik's dressing-room door.]
Read more

Fawlty Towers script for "A Touch of Class"

Fawlty Towers A Touch of Class Written by John Cleese and Connie Booth First of first series, first broadcast on September 19, 1975 on BBC2 Transcribed by Jason R. Heimbaugh (jrh@uiuc.edu) on October 10, 1993 Basil Fawlty  John Cleese Sybil Fawlty  Prunella Scales Manuel        Andrew Sachs Polly         Connie Booth Major Gowen   Ballard Berkeley Miss Tibbs    Gilly Flower Miss Gatsby   Renee Roberts Lord Melbury  Michael Gwynn Danny Brown   Robin Ellis Sir Richard   Morris Martin Wyldeck Mr Watson     Lionel Wheeler Mr Wareing    Terence Conoley Mr Mackenzie  David Simeon               [The Fawlty Towers reception lobby. The main entrance is at the               back, with the stairs to the right. The entrance to the dining               room is in the right wall; on the left, the reception desk               running along the left wall, with the entrance to the office               behind it. The entrance to the bar is beyond the desk.] Basil         [on th
Read more