Almanac chapter 17: Ben Franklin

                                     Chapter 17

                                    BEN FRANKLIN

              Ben  was  born into a family of 19 in 1706. He was one of the
         most amazingly productive people that  have  ever  lived  on  this
         earth.   Not  only  is his list of accomplishments impressive, but
         much of his humor in writing lives to this day.  He died  in  1790
         at the age of 83. He did not waste his time on this earth.

              The  Franklin  stove  as we know it today is a fireplace with
         cast iron doors. This is not the woodstove that Ben invented.  His
         version  has  disappeared  from modern times.  It was an airtight,
         which is more efficient than most of the stoves  in  use  at  that
         time.  But, his invention was so complex and awkward to light that
         it never did gain much favor in American homes.
              It looked somewhat like an egg on a pedestal. The air came in
         through  vents  in  the  top  of the egg, passed the wood, and was
         sucked out the bottom, which was connected to the chimney  through
         pipes  running  under  the  floor. This design caused almost total
         combustion of the wood, which most stoves cannot do, and the pipes
         under  the  floor  warmed  the  floor,  which  was  pleasant   and
         efficient.   The  problem  was  that  the  system had to be warmed
         gradually in order to get the draft or suction sufficient to avoid
         smoking up the whole house.  Ben always claimed that the  servants
         were  too  stupid to manage it. He was reluctant to say that maybe
         his design was just too cumbersome.

              Here are some Franklin quotes:  (Most  of  these  were  first
         published in Poor Richard's Almanac, which Franklin produced.)

              A  little  neglect  may breed great mischief....for want of a
         nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe  the  horse  was  lost;
         and for want of a horse the rider was lost.

              Necessity never made a good bargain.

              Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

              Keep   your   eyes  wide  open  before  marriage,  half  shut
         afterwards.

              When the well's dry, we know the worth of water.

              Dost thou love life? Then do not squander  time;  for  that's
         the stuff life is made of.

              Little strokes, Fell great oaks.

              Work  as  if you were to live a hundred years, Pray as if you
         were to die tomorrow.

              A word to the wise is enough, and many  words  won't  fill  a
         bushel.

              To lengthen thy life, lessen thy meals.

              Attributed to Ben Franklin:
              * Franklin Stove
              * Bifocal eyeglasses
              * The discovery that lightning is electricity
              * First public U.S. library
              * First U.S.Post Office
              * Poor Richard's Almanac
              * Better street lights
              * First pavement in America
              * First crop insurance
              * First playing cards made in America
              * First willow trees planted in America
              * First public hospital
              * Discovery and charting of ocean currents
              * Acquisition of funds to win independence for America
              * Invention of artificial fertilizer

              Ben  Franklin  was  responsible for the first paved street in
         America, and the first department of  sanitation,  and  the  first
         taxes to pay for sanitation.

              Ben  Franklin  organized the first circulating library.  This
         club was called the Junto. I think this may be  the  club  out  of
         which Mensa grew. Is that so? Someone let me know.

              Franklin was the first postmaster to put the post office into
         a  profitable position.  Was the first elected Postmaster General.
         He was paid $1000/year, which he donated to charity.

              Ben Franklin along with a friend, Thomas  Bond,  started  the
         first hospital in America.

              When  Ben Franklin saw a rotten, sprouting willow basket in a
         stream he took it home and planted it, starting the  first  willow
         tree in America.

              When  plans  were required for a new house of government, Ben
         Franklin  was  given  a  crack  at  the  architect's job,  but his
         design  was  rejected.   It  was just too weird. He had planned to
         hook all the  seats  in the meeting room to the fireplace chimney.
         The bottoms of the seats would have many small  holes.  The  draft
         from the chimney would create a slight suction at  these  holes in
         the seats, carrying away what he called "personal odours."

              Ben Franklin created  a  musical  instrument  he  called  the
         harmonica.  It was horizontal shaft with glass bell-shaped objects
         mounted on it.  The shaft was turned  by  a  foot  pedal,  like  a
         treadle  sewing  machine.  Ben  would dip his fingers in water and
         then rub various of the glass bells, causing a  wonderful  ringing
         tone.   He  became  quite  practiced  at  this  machine  and  gave
         occasional concerts.

              Ben Franklin noticed that many  printers,  plumbers  painters
         and  potters were getting sick the same way.  He then looked for a
         common habit among them and found that they all handled lead.   He
         was the first to identify industrial lead poisoning.

              Ben  Franklin's eyesight was diminishing as his age advanced.
         He had to carry two pairs of glasses, one for seeing close and the
         other for distant views. He had a lens maker modify his two  pairs
         of  glasses,  putting  parts  of both sets of lenses in one set of
         frames, creating the world's first bifocals.  One of  the  reasons
         he  was  so  famous in his own time was these glasses. Photography
         had not yet been invented, artists drawings in the newspapers  was
         the only people had of being recognized. But Ben Franklin was very
         obvious  with  his glasses in a time when very few people wore any
         glasses at all, and none wore bifocals.

              Ben Franklin was one of the first people to realize that  the
         common cold is contagious from one person to another. In that time
         viruses  were  unknown,  but  at least Franklin refuted the notion
         that getting your body cold was the cause.

              Ben Franklin discovered the ocean currents. When on ships  he
         would  take sightings and temperature readings and eventually made
         valuable charts  to  help  ship's  captains  plot  more  efficient
         courses.

              One  of  the few things Ben Franklin didn't invent was street
         lights, but he did improve them. Until  he  thought  of  a  better
         idea,  they  always  had  round globes. His improvement was to use
         four separate flat panes of glass. This way, if  one  was  broken,
         only one inexpensive pane had to be replaced, not the whole globe.
         Some gas lamps of this design are still in use today.

              He also didn't come up with the idea volunteer fire fighters,
         but  did  organize the fire fighters in Philadelphia into the best
         outfit in the world.

                            On the Choice of a Mistress
                                  by Ben Franklin

         1. Because they have more Knowledge of the world, and their  Minds
         are  better  stored  with Observations; their Conversation is more
         improving, and more lastingly agreeable.

         2.Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be  good.
         To  maintain  their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution
         of Beauty by an Augmentation  of  utility.  They  learn  to  do  a
         thousand  Services,  small  and great, and are the most tender and
         useful of all Friends when  you  are  sick.   Thus  they  continue
         amiable.  And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an
         old Woman who is not a good Woman.

         3.Because there  is  no  hazard  of  children,  which  irregularly
         procured may be attended with much inconvenience.

         4.   Because  through  more  Experience  they are more prudent and
         discreet in conducting an  Intrigue  to  prevent  Suspicion.   The
         Commerce  with  them  is  therefore  safer  with  regard  to  your
         reputation; and with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen
         to be known, considerate People might be rather inclined to excuse
         an old Woman, who would kindly take care of a young Man, form  his
         manners  by  her good Councils, and prevent his ruining his Health
         and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

         5.Because in every Animal that walks upright,  the  Deficiency  of
         the  Fluids  that  fill  the  Muscles appears first in the highest
         Part. The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck;  then
         the  Breast  and  Arms;  the lower parts continuing to the last as
         plump as ever; so that covering  all  above  with  a  Basket,  and
         regarding  only  what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two
         Women to know an old one from a young one. And as in the Dark  all
         Cats  are  grey,  the  Pleasure  of Corporal Enjoyment with an old
         Woman is at least equal and frequently superior; every Knack being
         by Practice capable of improvement.

         6.Because the sin is less. The Debouching of a Virgin may  be  her
         Ruin, and make her Life unhappy.

         7.Because  the  Compunction  is less. The having made a young Girl
         miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of  which
         can attend making an old Woman happy.

         8th & lastly. They are so grateful!!!"


              This was Ben Franklin's own epitaph:

              "The body of Benjamin Franklin, Printer (like the  cover
              of an old book, its contents torn out and striped of its
              lettering  and  gilding), lies here, food for worms; but
              the work shall not be lost, for it will (as he believed)
              appear once more in a  new  and  more  elegant  edition,
              revised and corrected by the Author"