Almanac chapter 10: Goofy Laws

                                     Chapter 10

                                     GOOFY LAWS

              The following are bits excerpted from a book,  itself  almost
         one hundred years old:

              THE  FAMOUS CONNECTICUT BLUE LAWS. - These laws, enacted
              by the people of the "Dominion  of  New  Haven,"  became
              known as the blue laws because they were printed on blue
              paper.  They were as follows: -
                   The  governor  and  magistrates convened in general
              assembly are  the  supreme  power,  under  god,  of  the
              independent  dominion.  From  the  determination  of the
              assembly no appeal shall be made.
                   No one shall be a freeman or have a vote unless  he
              is  converted  and  a  member  of  one  of  the churches
              allowed in the dominion.
                   Each freeman shall swear  by  the  blessed  God  to
              bear  true allegiance to this dominion and that Jesus is
              the only king.
                   No dissenter from the  essential  worship  of  this
              dominion shall be allowed to give a vote for electing of
              magistrates or any officer.
                   No food or lodging shall be offered to a heretic.
                   No  one  shall  cross  a  river  on the Sabbath but
              authorized clergymen.
                   No one shall  travel,  cook  victuals,  make  beds,
              sweep houses, cut hair, or shave on the Sabbath Day.
                   No  one  shall  kiss  his  or  her  children on the
              Sabbath or feasting days.
                   The Sabbath Day shall begin at sunset Saturday.
                   Whoever wears clothes trimmed  with  gold,  silver,
              or  bone  lace  above  one  shilling  per  yard shall be
              presented by the grand jurors and  the  selectmen  shall
              tax the estate L300.
                   Whoever  brings  cards  or  dice  into the dominion
              shall pay a fine of L5.
                   No one shall eat mince pies, dance, play cards,  or
              play  any  instrument of music except the drum, trumpet,
              or jewsharp.
                   No gospel minister shall join people  in  marriage.
              The  magistrate may join them, as he may do it with less
              scandal to Christ's church.
                   When  parents  refuse  their  children   convenient
              marriages, the magistrate shall determine the point.
                   A man who strikes his wife shall be fined L10.
                   A  woman  who strikes her husband shall be punished
              as the law directs.
                   No man shall court a maid in person  or  by  letter
              without   obtaining  the  consent  of  her  parents;  L5
              penalty for the first offense; L10 for the  second,  and
              for  the  third  imprisonment during the pleasure of the
              court.

              MASSACHUSETTS BLUE-LAWS.  - In regard to  the  so-called
              "blue-laws"  of   Massachusetts   it   is  difficult  to
              determine just where the line between fact and fancy  is
              to  be  drawn.  It  is  claimed  that  the  founders  of
              Connecticut borrowed most of  their  laws  and  judicial
              proceedings  from Massachusetts. Many of these laws were
              enacted previous to 1640, and a number were  the  orders
              and  sentences  of the Massachusetts Court of Assistants
              and General Court.  For instance, one order we  find  is
              as  follows:  "It  is  ordered,  that all Rich. Clough's
              strong water shall presently be  seazed  upon,  for  his
              selling   greate   quantytie   thereof  to  several  men
              servants, which  was  the  occasion  of  much  disorder,
              drunkeness, and misdemeanor.
                   Another  record,  in  March, 1631, is to the effect
              that "Nieh. Knopp is fyned 5L for takeing  upon  him  to
              cure  the  scurvey,  by  a water of noe worth nor value,
              which he solde att a very deare rate, to  be  imprisoned
              till  hee pay his fine or give securitye for it, or else
              to be whipped; and shal be lyable to any man's action of
              whome he hath receved money for the said water.
                   In September, 1636: Robert Shorthose, for  swearing
              by  the  bloud  of God, was sentenced to have his tongue
              put into a cleft stick, and to stand so by the space  of
              haulfe an houre.
                            -  from The Century Book of Facts, 1900

              When Marquis de Pelier whistled at Queen Marie Antoinette, he
         was promptly thrown in jail and kept there for fifty years.

              Four hundred years ago in Turkey drinking coffee was illegal.
         The sentence: death.

              Anyone  caught  drunk  in  public in ancient China was put to
         death.

              In 1871, James Macandrew was the Chief  Executive  of  Otago,
         New  Zealand.   He  was  ordered  to go to debtors' prison. So, he
         declared a law that his home was a prison.

              When Peter the Great, who couldn't grow a respectable  beard,
         was in power, any Russian who had a beard had to pay a beard tax.

              During  the 1920's there was a law in Russia that all private
         automobiles (not ones used by the government) had to have a yellow
         stripe painted all the way around the whole body.

              It was illegal to teach evolution in Tennessee until 1968.

              In Massachusetts you  can't  legally  use  tomatoes  in  clam
         chowder.

              There  is  a man whose official name has been legally changed
         to Mr. 1069.

              According to one source, in Idaho it is illegal to give  your
         lover  a box of candy smaller than fifty pounds in weight. Another
         source stated that it is illegal to give any other citizen  a  box
         of  candy weighing more than 50 pounds. In any case, the giving of
         huge quantities of candy is regulated in Idaho.

              There is a law against shooting rabbits from a New York  City
         trolley car.

              In  Texas  when  two trains meet at a crossing "neither shall
         proceed until the other has gone."

              You are violating the law if you  mispronounce  the  name  of
         Arkansas.

              In  Memphis,  Tennessee,  a woman cannot legally drive unless
         there is a man running on foot ahead of her car with a red flag to
         warn motorists that a woman is driving.

              In Chaseville, New York, you may not "drive  a  goat  past  a
         church in a ridiculous fashion."

              In  New  York  City  is  a special court that hears about 400
         complaints per day against taxi drivers. Since the cabbies in  the
         Big  Apple  carry approximately 400,000 people per day, that means
         about one in every thousand passengers feel the need  to  bring  a
         complaint against a driver.
              Overheard  in  court  recently: A cab driver who had recently
         immigrated from  Pakistan  was  in  court  because  he  punched  a
         passenger.   Asked  why,  the  driver  said,  "In my country women
         aren't allowed to speak disrespectfully to a man."
              Many cabbies do not like this  court  because  they  have  to
         waste  hours  waiting  for  their case to come up.  In one case, a
         professor from Columbia University took  a  cab  driver  to  court
         because  he had made a face when he discovered the tip was a small
         one.

              Draft  resisters  take  note:  The  U.S. Navy will not accept
         anyone with an obscene tattoo.

              All gondolas  must  be  black  in  Venice.   Only  government
         officials are allowed fancy colors.

              Do  not  burn  "offal"  or bones, or grow ragweed in New York
         City. These are legal offenses.

              It is illegal in Arizona to hunt camels.