Video Game Humor

 ==

Here are some r.g.p intentional misnomers for games and features.  Figure

out the references yourself :)

Captive Drain

Dr*c*l*

Fun With Bonus

Hurri-Drain

Jabba's Joke

Judge Dreadful

Last Action Here

Last Action Zero

Lethal Outlane 3

Missed Multiball

Operation: Blunder!

Path of Frustration

Supertosser

I'm sure I've missed some.  Send me any good ones you've heard.

==

"Pinball is like sex - you have to know when to be gentle,

and when to be rough--"

"Yeah, and if you do it well enough, you don't have to pay the second time."

==

Super-Newbie:

- doesn't know there are flippers, can't find Start button

- walks away after ball 1

- uses a lighter

- never finishes a game

Newbie:

- plays without using flippers

- shoves machine when game is over

- walks away when he gets a Match

- five digit scores

Novice:

- plays by flipping both flippers at once

- shoves machine as each ball drains

- feels victorious when he gets a Match

- six digit scores

Casual:

- plays by flipping early and/or late

- doesn't shove machine

- feels happy when he gets a Match

- seven digit scores

Intermediate:

- plays by flipping w/o catches

- nudges machine somewhat at random

- feels relieved when he gets a Match

- eight digit scores

Advanced:

- plays with dead catches and fumbling flipper passes

- nudges machine, sometimes makes Death Save

- feels insulted when he gets a Match

- nine digit scores

Expert:

- plays with dead and live catches, bounce passes, flipper passes

- nudges machine, makes Death Saves, gets bruise on Bang Back

- feels amused when he gets a Match

- ten digit scores

Wizard:

- plays with flair and tendency to injure nearby onlookers

- nudges machine, makes Death Saves and Bang Backs, even on the Powerfield

- never needs a Match

- eleven digit scores (roll 'em over)

Guru:

- plays without using flippers

- doesn't touch machine, plays by telekinesis and sense of smell

- always Matches

- transcendental scores

==

Lyle(TM), n: any arcade attendant or operator who shows no regard for

concerns of the customers, condition of the machines, or otherwise displays

a disgusting and negative attitude which inspires one to never spend money

at that arcade again; this term can also be used as a noun form of the

adjective below

  Ex. "That guy who yelled at me for getting a Tilt warning on Dr. Who was

       a real Lyle(TM)!"

Lyle(TM), adj: used to describe any machine which has been maintained or

setup by a Lyle(TM) person; such machines are typically badly broken and

unrepaired or intentionally broken or grossly mismanaged; in extreme cases,

more effort is expended making a machine bad than would be required to make

it good

  Ex. "Jeez, this F-14 Tomcat is Lyle(TM)!  The top flippers are missing!"

Lyle(TM), v.t. (obscene): to be genuinely ripped off by a Lyle(TM) machine

or operator, or mistreated by same

  Ex. "This is a ripoff - if I wanted to get Lyled(TM), I could go home

       and have my wife do it for free!"

==

From: Orin Day <oday@lobster.gsfc.nasa.gov>

This reminds me of the "Lyle (tm) Song" (c1992), sung to the tune

of "Beans, Beans..."

Pinball, pinball, the magical take:

The more they're played, the more they break!

The more they break, the less folks can score,

When they complain, I show them the door!

==

From: s924105@yallara.cs.rmit.OZ.AU (Cameron Silver)

Subject: Elle McFeast in TZM!!

Date: 29 Oct 1993 12:45:15 GMT

Here in the far-too-olympic-obsessed land of Oz there is this little magazine

produced by Time Zone (a chain of arcades). This issue features an interview

with Elle McFeast (no relation to the burger). She is a bit of an Aussie

sports person. Anyway .. she's talking a bit about pinball...

And I'll tell you the other one I like - The Batman game where it says,

"Shoot Flugelheim ... Shoot Flugelheim," I'v never quite worked out what

"Flugelheim" is, or how to shoot it, but gee I enjoy it.

Perhaps this calls for a Super Novice mode .. where everything is spelt out

_REALLY_ clearly. Like on TZ, 'When the ball pops out, shoot it into the

bumpers' (all lights except for the bumpers will be off). 'Now, the ball

will be popped out .. 3 .. 2 .. 1'

===

From: milder@shc.uiowa.edu (Martin A. Milder)

Subject: Humor: RGP top 10 list.

Date: 24 Apr 1994 03:25:03 GMT

 Over a fews beers and games, a friend and I came up with this.

    A proto-R.P.G. Top 10 list.  (and possible T-shirt)

10. Discover what those funny buttons on the side of the cabinet

    really do.

9.  You can post comments and criticisms that designers desperately

    want to hear.

8.  Find out about the secret mode that actually makes Popeye fun to

    play.

7.  The only rule in RGP is: When in doubt, post.

6.  Learn how to tell a #44 from a #47 just by the smell.

5.  4 out of 5 pinball world champions read RGP.

4.  There is no grammer or spelling errors in RGP posts.

3.  Find the only other person who thinks Gilligan's Island is the 

    best pinball machine ever made.

2.  I can't get enough of that phrase, "Visit the pinball archives at

    FTP.RAHUL.NET"

And the number one reason for reading RGP is ...

1.  It's the first step in getting a job at Data East.

The alternates...

Discover how easy it is to design and build your own pinball machine.

Learn how to pack 6 pins into a VW bug, without using the glove box.

FAQ me?!? Dyna-FAQ you!!!

Era swoc eht erehw wonk ew.

Discover that Lyman can crush your best score on the first ball while 

talking with Bryant Gumbel.

You can download gifs of every pinball machine ever made.