The Night before Christmas (as told by Star Trek's Mr. Spock)
2J
(with apologies to Clement C. Moore)
The Night before Christmas
(as told by Star Trek's Mr. Spock)
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period immediately
preceding the annual yuletide festivities, and throughout our place
of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of that potential including that earth species of
domestic rodent known as "mus musculus."
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward protrusion
of the wood burning caloric apparatus pursuant to our anticipatory
visit from an eccentric philanthropist whose other cognomen is
known as St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take
slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
avenaceous exterior portion of the ground there ascended such a
cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the sole purpose of
ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was upon the surface of the
recent crystalline precipitation, quite possible could have
exceeded that of the solar meridian itself, thus permitting my
incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent
to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate
motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity what patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen, "now
Dasher, now Dancer, etc.," guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode through which structure I could readily
distinguish the concatenation of each of the 32 cloven pedal
extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the
exhaust outlet. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the
ebony residue from oxidation of carboniferous fuels that had
accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street
vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted child
playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillate with reflected luminosity, while his sub-
maxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the
subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of
Albion's floral emblem the latter that of the prunum avium. His
amusing sub-and-supra labials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like
small tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose
gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occupant, were
suggestive of a decorative seasonal circulet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his
corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectibated
fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short,
neither more nor less that an obese, jocund, multi-generian gnome,
the optical perception of whom rendered me risibly frolicsome
despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering
and then elevating one eyelid, and rotating his cranium slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned
previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion
of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, place a single
manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of departure, and
forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating the exhaust outlet.
He the propelled himself in a short vector onto his runnered
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of atmosphere through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden and
proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly
among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
However, I overheard his parting exclamation audible
immediately prior to his vesiculation beyond the limits of
visibility:
"Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that
selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn!"
~vc
(with apologies to Clement C. Moore)
The Night before Christmas
(as told by Star Trek's Mr. Spock)
'Twas the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period immediately
preceding the annual yuletide festivities, and throughout our place
of residence, kinetic activity was not in evidence among the
possessors of that potential including that earth species of
domestic rodent known as "mus musculus."
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward protrusion
of the wood burning caloric apparatus pursuant to our anticipatory
visit from an eccentric philanthropist whose other cognomen is
known as St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner and I,
attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about to take
slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the
avenaceous exterior portion of the ground there ascended such a
cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled to arise with
alacrity from my place of repose for the sole purpose of
ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was upon the surface of the
recent crystalline precipitation, quite possible could have
exceeded that of the solar meridian itself, thus permitting my
incredulous optical sensory organs to behold a minuscule, aged
chauffeur so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent
to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate
motive power traveling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity what patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia and
addressed each of the octet by his or her respective cognomen, "now
Dasher, now Dancer, etc.," guiding them to the uppermost exterior
level of our abode through which structure I could readily
distinguish the concatenation of each of the 32 cloven pedal
extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and was
performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant achieved,
with utmost celerity and via a downward leap, entry by way of the
exhaust outlet. He was clad entirely in animal pelts soiled by the
ebony residue from oxidation of carboniferous fuels that had
accumulated on the walls thereof. His resemblance to a street
vendor I attributed largely to the plethora of assorted child
playthings which he bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillate with reflected luminosity, while his sub-
maxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal
appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused the
subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration of
Albion's floral emblem the latter that of the prunum avium. His
amusing sub-and-supra labials resembled nothing so much as a common
loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like
small tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking-piece whose
gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occupant, were
suggestive of a decorative seasonal circulet of holly. His visage
was wider than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his
corpulent abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectibated
fruit syrup in a hemispherical container. He was, in short,
neither more nor less that an obese, jocund, multi-generian gnome,
the optical perception of whom rendered me risibly frolicsome
despite every effort to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering
and then elevating one eyelid, and rotating his cranium slightly to
one side, he indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the aforementioned
articles of merchandise extracted from his aforementioned
previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle. Upon completion
of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face, place a single
manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his olfactory organ,
inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of departure, and
forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating the exhaust outlet.
He the propelled himself in a short vector onto his runnered
conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of atmosphere through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden and
proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly
among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
However, I overheard his parting exclamation audible
immediately prior to his vesiculation beyond the limits of
visibility:
"Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that
selfsame assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset and
dawn!"
~vc
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