Red Dwarf series V reviews
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V: Holoship (SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!)
Organization: Computer Science, Heriot-Watt U., Scotland
Red Dwarf V/1: Holoship. (BBC2 20/02/92 @ 21.00Hrs)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rimmer, Lister, Kryten Cat and Holly are in Starbug flying about.
They are discussion various things when they come across a mysterious
unscannable light entity. It transfers Rimmer to a Holoship.
The Holoship is crewed entirely by holograms, though not
Series I holograms like Rimmer. They are all extremely intelligent,
the cream of the 'deadies'. Rimmer tries to join the crew of the Holoship.
He must intellectually combat one of the crew to 'win' a place.
Meanwhile Starbug is being analysed for any salvage value.
One of the main pastimes on the Holoship is sex. Constant twice
a day sex. People are considered rude if they refuse anybodies request
for sex (Rimmer is pleased !). Rimmer 'beds' Nirvanah Crane. He is
compared, in bed, to a Jananese meal. Small portions, but MANY courses.
If Rimmer beats his opponent, he will gain officer status and
take the place of his opponent. Rimmer decides to cheat, by having a
mind patch, with 2 of the most intelligent people in Red Dwarf's
hologram store and he becomes very intelligent, but a total pain in
the arse, (!).
Rimmer starts the contest and is doing very well in the initial
stages, far outstripping his opponent. Suddenly disaster strikes and Rimmer
runs for it and ends up back on Red Dwarf. His mind, which was in control
of the two patches, has rejected the added intelligence. He is startled
to discover Lister/Cat/Kryten are interviewing Red Dwarf Crew from the
ship hologram store, for a replacement. The main qualification appears
to be a deep interest in curries, even a curry pizza. The first
applicant, she isn't interested and would rather be dead.
Rimmer is pursuaded to return and continue the contest as himself,
by Nirvanah Crane who assures him, that he will win. The contest continues
and Rimmer does indeed win. He gains officer status and replaces his opponent
on the Holoship. He bids the Red Dwarf crew a sad farewell. The are more
than people who have become his friends, they are 'people he just MET'.
However, on the Holoship, Rimmer discovers that his opponent
was Nirvanah, whom he has fallen in love with, as she has with him. She
withdrew from the competition so that he would win. The fate if he lost
was to have his runtime withdrawn. She has decided to give up her life
for him.
Rimmer can't take this and decides to resign his commission so that
Nirvanah can live, he will return to Red Dwarf.
At the start, Lister, Rimmer, Cat, Kryten are watching a film.(It
could be Casablanca though I'm not sure here. I didn't recognise the
dialogue we got Listers 2 fave films are 1/ It's a Wonderful Life and
2/ Casablanca. It was a slushy parting, one character gave up their
life (?) to save the other who they would never see again. Rimmer says the
film was a load of bollocks and he would never do that). The exact quote
from the end of the film was the last scene where Rimmer resigned to save
Nirvanah on the Holoship. 'He couldn't believe he said that'.
Episode summary end.
Comments
========
The episode seemed very slow moving compared with previous. There
was a deathly silence between character dialogue, with the exception of
the laugh-track. The laugh track in previous series' was ok(ish), as laugh
tracks go. The new one is APPALING. IRRITATING canned laughter which really
spoiled my appreciation of the show. It needs to be flamed down. The old ones
were at least recorded FOR the show, syncing with the gags. The new is just
canned which could be from any crap sit-com. Get rid of them, yeuch !!!!
Holly had almost no scenes. The characters seem to be in order
of importance. Rimmer, Lister, Kryten, Cat, Holly.(RD Only).
New(ish) cinemascope on the titles. Start one's the same, end ones
are different(ish) not cinemascoped. Music same.
I don't know if it is because of the new director or what but
I didn't enjoy it as much as Red Dwarf IV, though lets give it time
before we start a get back Ed Bye war.
The gags and lines are as good as ever. The effects are RD IV
standard. All in all, worth the wait, though please get rid of the cans
of laughter. I prefer none at all, like UK version of M*A*SH, but
if they must be their PLEASE record them for the show.
Credits (From Radio Times).
~~~~~~
Arnold Rimmer...............................CHRIS BARRIE
Dave Lister.................................CRAIG CHARLES
Kryten......................................ROBERT LLEWELLYN
Cat.........................................DANNY JOHN-JULES
Holly.......................................HATTIE HAYRIDGE
Nirvanah Crane..............................JANE HORROCKS
Captain Platini.............................MATTHEW MARSH
Commander Binks.............................DON WARRINGTON
Director....................................JULIET MAY
Producer....................................HILARY BEVAN JONES
Executive Production........................ROB GRANT/DOUG NAYLOR.
Regerds for now,
Neil
*****************************| Sig' Time |**********************************
JANET: neilp@uk.ac.hw.cs * Neil Postlethwaite, Computer Science,
INTERNET: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk * Heriot-Watt University,
UUCP: ..mcsun!ukc!hwcs!neilp * Edinburgh, Scotland, UK.
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V/3: Terrorform (SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
Red Dwarf V/3: 'Terrorform'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening scene. One of the Starbugs has crashed on a planteoid on the shore
of a lake or sea. The planet is primeval in nature with many yellow gas
fires burning in the distance.
--------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid|
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
|Error Finding Server .............. |
| |
|No Panacea |
--------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'Remain calm Kryten, this is your
| | CPU speaking. There has been an
|Damage Assessment | accident, both your legs have been
|----------------- | crushed beyond repair. Your
| | ambulatory system has been destroyed
|Overview 72% | and your life expectancy is
|Opticals 35% | estimated at 67 minutes'.
|Ambulation 100% |
|Scanning .......... |
| |
|Condition: MAUVE |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'If there is any further news we
| | will keep you updated. In the
| Options: | meantime here is a little music'.
| |
| Refer to qualified service personnel|
| Limited frontline repair |
| Cannibalise and reconfigure |
| Check trade in price against a |
| series 5000 model |
| |
| Condition: MAUVE |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | 'Your auto-repair systems are now
| | able to restore visuals.'
| |
| |
| |
| OFF-LINE |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
---------------------------------------
'Kryten personal black box recording. Time- unknown, location -
unknown, cause of accident- unknown. Should someone find this recording
perhaps it will shed some light on what happened here'.
'My short term memory has been erased. This I ascribe to the close
proximity of the magnetic coils from Starbugs read engine. Secondly due
to the close proximity of the magnetic coils, my short term memory seems
to have been erased. This combined with the erasure of my short term
memory has left me a little disoriented. 67 minutes, I'd better get out
of here'.
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| |
| Damage Assessment |
| |
| Overview 80% |
| Opticals 35% |
| Ambulation 100% |
| |
| Remedial Action Required |
| |
| Condition: Magenta |
---------------------------------------
Kryten is trapped underneath several large metal crossbeams. He says
'Of course' to himself and starts to whistle to himself as he chops off
his left hand. To this he fits one of his eyeballs, that is hanging loose
by a wire. The hand-eye machine comes to life. 'Find and ore sample pod.
Initiate the homing procedure. Bring help. Good luck !'. The hand scampers
off.
The pod is seen arriving at the Red Dwarf and the hand is seen
scuttling about.
Holly announces to Lister that a pod has arrived and that the contents
have broke free. Lister is told not to panic because there is a tiny
possibility that the 'intruder' is a Tarantula. Lister does not like
Tarantula's in the least. He doesn't even like the sound of the thought
of one crawling across his clammy, naked, helpless body. The security
cameras pick up something, but the picture is very blurred. The thing
appears to be like a spider.
Something crawls up Listers trouser leg. He is absolutely petrified.
He communicates with the Cat, who has just arrived, on a console by typing
at a keyboard.
Terminal Talking
---------------------------------------------------------
L | Something is crawling up my leg. I think it's a |
| Taranshula |
| |
C | | Oh your playing
| | that dumb adve-
| | nture game again
| | aren't you.
L | It's in my boxers. It's making a nest. |
| |
C | | Buy a potion
| | from Gandalf (?)
| | the master
| | wizard. It always
| | works for me.
L | I'm SERIOUS |
| |
C | It has an eye the size of a meat ball |
| |
L | Kill it |
| |
C | How ? |
| |
L | I can't think straight. I've got a Taranshula with an |
| eye the size of a meatball setting up home in my joy |
| dept. Help me |
| |
C | I'm scared |
| |
L | YOU'RE scared. How do you think I feel |
| |
C | You haven't seen it |
| |
L | The lower half of my body has gone numb |
| |
C | That's probably for the best |
| |
L | It's moving. Oh *#%^!!!! |
| |
---------------------------------------------------------
The hand pops up on to the table at this point and
starts typing as well.
---------------------------------------------------------
| |
H | Hello. |
| |
| Kryten is in trouble. No time to explain. Follow |
| |
---------------------------------------------------------
They follow the hand and get into another Starbug and head off to
the planetoid. They arrive at the crash site and discover Kryten and say
they will get him out of there, though as his legs are trapped under the
beams, they will have to cut him in 2.
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 |
| | Kryten: 'Begging your pardon sir !'
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| Condition: Taupe |
---------------------------------------
---------------------------------------
|Model: Kryten (c) Divadroid |
|Series: 4000 Int. 2340 | Lister: 'Hold still Kryten, I'm
| | trying to draw a line
| | here. I don't want it all
| | wonky'
| |
| | Lister lights up a blowtorch.
| | Kryten flips on and off again.
| | He says Lister is not a surgeon,
| | it will invalidate his guarantee
| | and he would not trust Lister to
| Condition: Heliotrope | open a can of sardines, that was
--------------------------------------- already open.
Next scene. Lister has fixed Kryten, but has some stuff left over-
like you always do when you do some D.I.Y. Kryten asks about Mr Rimmer.
What has happened to him. Lister was about to ask Kryten the same. Kryten
recounts the story of the accident.
Kryten and Rimmer were in starbug when Rimmer found a S3 class planet
and wanted to claim it for the Space Corp. The ceremony consisted of all
23 stanza's of the Space Corp. anthem. The planet started to erupt around
them, which came as something of a relief to Kryten, and the planetoid
tera-formed as they watched. There was an explosion and then blackness.
Rimmer screamed in pain, anguish, dread. He was absolutely mortified. The
Cat comments, 'Why did someone suggest he pick up the tab for lunch ?'.
Holly manages to track Rimmer down from the signal given off by his
Light Bee. The other Starbug heads off, on caterpillar tracks (!), in
the direction of Rimmer. The Planetoid is weird. Strange animal noises,
a constant disgusting stench, squelchy underfoot. Just like Listers
laundry basket at the end of the month.
Kryten surmises that they are on a Psy-Moon. A Psy-Moon is an
artificial planetoid which tunes in to an individuals psyche and adapts
its terrain to mimic the persons mental state. It has reconfigured
using Rimmers sub-conscious as a template. They are in Rimmer's mind .....
The Cat says this IS definitely a 12 change of underwear trip.
Rimmer has been captured by his neuroses (* Pl of neurosis), his
personal demons. They have been made real. On this planet Rimmer will
have a physical presence, until he leaves, because it is all created by
his mind. They are all in danger.
Rimmer is a prisoner and is being taken somewhere. He starts to quibble
and demands his phone call. Hie is chained up in a dungeon type place.
Why is he here ? He is to be sacrificed to slake the vile depraved thirstings
of the unspeakable one. 'Well that clear that up'. Rimmer has his sheet
like clothing ripped of by 2 scantily clad maidens. They start to oil him
up.
Lister, Cat and the newly repaired Kryten have reached the point where
they must continue for Rimmer on foot as they have come across a swamp.
Lister says, 'Remember it's Rimmer's mind out there. Expect sickness !',
while hoisting a bazookoid onto his shoulder.
Rimmer says all he is obliged to give is his Name, Rand and Number. No
amount of oiling, tonguing, full sensual lip caressing his erogenous
zones onto a plateau of sexual ecstasy will make him talk. 'This nuts
not for cracking'. Both the maidens start to twiddle with Rimmers nipples
and he instantly cracks. If they insist on erotic pursuation to achieve
their devious ends, so be it. But have a 'Quatra-Formaggio' (?) Pizza
with extra olives at the end. Their master is summond. The oil is to
facilitate the conduction of electricity.
The swamp that has stopped the rest of the crew is signposted 'The
Swamp of Despair'. Frogs are heard in the background saying 'useless'
instead of croaking. There is a large blood sucking leech on Listers
neck. It is pulled off. Lister looks at it. It has a human face. it is
Rimmers mother face.
They come across a graveyard. There are several gravestones in the plot,
they are marked
Self Respect, died aged 21
Generosity " 9
Self Confidence " 22
Honour (Not Forgotten) " 12
Cat fonds a minute gravestone. It does not have a date on in, but it is
marked charm. They also find a freshly dug grave, though not filled in yet.
The stone is marked hope.
Psychologically speaking Rimmer is in big trouble. If they don't get to
Rimmer before before this grave is filled all of them may not get out of
this nightmare.
Rimmer, still chained up by the hands to a beam, sees the unspeakable
one appear from a steaming pit. We only get to see its legs and a shadow
of the beast, but that is hideous enough. It has 2 horses legs and a
tail that looks like a lizards. Rimmer says there had been a GIGANTIC
administrative cock-up, but to no avail. He is to be branded, with a
cattle/horse brand sitting in a fire, with a large H. All Rimmers
nightmares will come true here.
Lister, Cat and Kryten finally come across Rimmer. They see him from
above through a prison type grille. The unspeakable one says that Rimmer
has created him, nurtured and made him the Unspeakable One. He is the part
of Rimmer that hates himself. The self loathing, detests his own stupidity,
incompetence etc .... what the world calls the walking vomit stain
Arnold Rimmer. Rimmer squeaks out a tiny .... yes !
Lister says the others have 2 choices. Go in Bazookoids blazing, or
just watch. The Cat asks for 'Opera Glasses'. They raise the grille and
jump down, firing at the Unspeakable One (USO). The roof caves in partially.
They discuss whether to continue firing for fear of bringing it all down.
Lister says yes. Rimmer says, 'You would risk your own lives to try and
save me !'. Kryten replies, 'Of course. You're one of the crew'. The USO
goes 'aagghh!!!' and disappears down the pit. The chains break and Rimmers
uniform re-appears on him. They do a runner back to Starbug, while Kryten
quotes an applicable mechanoid saying 100011110110011000111010101, which
roughly translated means don't stand about talking, RUN ! at this sort
of time. As the Cat passes Rimmer outside, he says to him 'You're a
wierd guy, you know that'.
Back on Starbug Rimmer asks why they are staring at him. It's not
ny fault. I've had a bad day. I've been stripped, oiled, licked, chained,
humiliated and almost had a knobbly thing the size of a Mexican Agave
cactus jammed up where only customs men dare probe. Cat says don't you
know what this place is. Rimmer says that it is a stinking infested hell-
hole. Lister says, 'It's your mind'. Rimmer says it can't be. He doesn't
loath himself. What is there possibly to loath about me ?
Kryten asks if he wants a list ? He starts the list. He is despised by
his parents because he didn't reach their standards. His brothers are
the high fliers in the Space Corp. He is a vending machine repair man,
his inability to form long term relationships, his cowardliness, lack
of charm, honour and grace, he is not liked because of his fundamental
unlikeableness. Rimmer says, 'Oh that'. Kryten asks him not to interrupt,
because he is only half way through the list. Starbug starts to sink
into the swamp/quick sand at this point.
Cat suggests they get into the 'Jet powered rocket packs and junior
birdman the hell out of there'. Kryten says there are only 2 drawbacks to
this otherwise excellent plan. 1/ Bo such thing as Jet powered rocket
packs and 2/ Jet powered rocket packs don't exist outside of the fictional
comic series 'Robbie Rocket Pack'.
The USO voice demands they hand over Rimmer, and the rest of them can go.
Rimmer makes out a speech as though he was going to give himself up to save
the others. Infact he admits, he is going to cower behind one of the boilers
in the engine room. Holly says they must kill it, but Bazookoids have no
effect against it.
Kryten starts insulting Rimmer, and each time a truth hits home Starbug
sinks a little deeper into the quagmire. Cat, Lister and Kryten have a
private discussion in the cockpit. The real enemy is not out there, it is
in there with them. The real enemy is in Rimmers head. The Cat suggests they
cut off Rimmers head to deal with it. They must make Rimmer feel wanted.
They must restore his self-esteem. Earlier on when Kryten said to Rimmer
'you're one of the crew', the USO was hurt and they got away. They must
make him feel good. They must tell Rimmer that 'they love him'. The Cat
says 'YOU'RE SICK'. Lister, Cat and Kryten all start to suck up to Rimmer.
They say they won't leave him, they will stay and face certain death with
him.
They start to explain to Rimmer how guys muck about and insult each
other because they can't say how they really feel. Lister and Kryten both
tell Rimmer that they REALLY CARE and put a hand on one of Rimmers knees.
Cat says, 'It's true, THEY really do care about you'.
Rimmer thinks they are trying to shame him into going outside to face
the USO and his hordes of Rimmer mind demons. Lister says no, 'I love you
man, I really love you'. Kryten says they should have a 4 way hug situation.
They all say they love you, big man, AJ, Arnie, beautiful man to Rimmer.
Outside something strange happens. From the Rimmer graves several
cavalier/musketeer dressed people appear. They are all Rimmer, they are his
dead emotions. They sa#tart to fight the mind demon hordes. Goodbye
loneliness, self doubt take this die like the dog you are mistrust. Starbug
gets loose of the quicksand and takes off and leaves the planetoid.
Rimmer later says, 'It was all baloney all that hugging stuff. It was
just a way of escaping. You don't really think that deep down I'm an OK
bloke, not such a bad stick once you get to know me.
REPLY : GUESS THE REPLY !!!!!!!!!!!
---------------------------------------
End Of Summary
---------------------------------------
Comments
~~~~~~~
The episode started off very strongly. Especially the 'Taranshula'
crawling about Listers 'joy dept' and it was a scream when the hand/eye
popped up on the table and typed 'Hello' on the terminal.
The Rimmer prisoner scene was a bit off. Chris Barrie seemed at
times to lapse into 'Gordon Brittas' Mode. The rescue scene was OK.
The fact they had to kill the USO by making Rimmer feel wanted was
reasonably obvious. The Cavalier scene was a bit ho-hum, never mind.
The gags were as good as ever. Laughtrack still a bit off though. Holly
still doesn't get much of a look in. The episode seem very Rimmer based,
Kryten explaining the story, Lister doing the biz, Cat wise-cracking.
Found it was a better watch the second time around.
Cast:
~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Handmaidens Sara Stockbridge
Francine Walker-Lee
(No credits for The Unspeakable One, Mind-Demons or the hand !)
Directed Juliet May
Produced Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Erratum From RDV/1: 'Holoship' and RDV/2: 'The Inquisitor'.
RDV/1: 'Holoship'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
RDV/2: 'The Inquisitor'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
Directed By Juliet May and Rob Grant/Doug Naylor.
(Possibly why it was the strongest of the 3 so far, due to Rob Grant
and Doug Naylor helping Juliet May with the Directing.)
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V/4: 'Quarantine' (SPOILERS AHEAD)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
Red Dwarf V/4: 'Quarantine' BBC2 12/03/92 @ 21.00Hrs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening scene. A space station on a moon/planet. Blizzard Conditions.
K: Gravity 1.5, wind 40 knots and variable, Ordanance locked and set.
Launch Scouter.
The Cat reaches for the release control.
R: Wait a minute. I'm in charge of security and survellence on board
this vessel. I Mr 'Keryten' am the one that says 'Launch Scouter'.
K: I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to steal your thunder.
R: Launch Scouter.
Nobody does a thing. They all ignore Rimmer.
R: LAUNCH SCOUTER.
They still all ignore him. Looking round the cockpit at things
like you do when you are deliberately ignoring someone.
R: I'll be in the stern, correlating the .....
I'll be in the stern.
K: Would you be so good as to launch the Scouter. (quietly to the Cat)
C: YES SIR !! (Saluting)
Aye Aye.
Scouter Launched SIR. (Saluting)
---------------------------------
The Scouter drone is seen heading off towards the apparently
deserted space base.
Next scene. Rimmer is in the stern. Lister, Kryten and Cat
come to tell him something.
----------------------------------
K: Sir, it appears that we have encountered a scientific research centre.
L: And there is someone in there man. A survivor.
K: A Dr Hildegard Lanstrom.
R: Clearly I am superfluous to this entire operation, abley commanded as it
is, by a droid who was created to clean lavatories. So I don't know why
you are bothering to tell me all this, Captain Bog-Bot (as in Robot).
L: She's a hologram.
K: I'm afraid we are going to have to commandeer your remote projection unit
in order to rescue her sir.
R: Oh I see, first of all I am deemed unsuitable to issue the command 'Launch
Scouter', and now I am being bundled into an escape pod and relieved of
my duties by Commander U-bend.
L: Rimmer, why are you taking this so personal. It's the only way to get her
back to the ship.
R: Why do we need another hologram aboard the ship.
K: She's a doctor and would be a valuable asset to the team.
R: And as usual it is left to me to point out the fatal flaw in your logic.
This vessel, gentlemen and khaazie (?) droids, the crimson short one up
there can only sustain 1 hologram, or had you forgotten.
Lister, Cat and Kryten look away.
R: Oh, you hadn't forgotten.
L: We can work something out. A timeshare or something.
R: What do you think I am, a timeshare villa in the Algarve.
K: Sir, may I remind you of Space Corp' directive #169..
R: Holly, prepeare me a pod, anything to save me from another (Kryten voice)
'Space Corp' Directive'.
K: The Space Corp' directives are there to protect us. They are not a set of
vindictive pronouncements directed against any one person.
R: Has anyone ever seen this legendary Space Corp' directive manual.
L: Well......no. (looking at Cat)
R: He's making it up isn't he. The bloody book doesn't exist.
K: Sir, I assure you...
R: Why does he only ever use them against me ? Why never against Lister ?
Why do we never hear a Space Corp' directive saying 'No crewmember should
floss his teeth using the E-string of his guitar after spraying the entire
contents of his sugar puff sandwich all over his superious (ie Rimmers)
bunk'.
K: Holly, furnish Mr Rimmer with a hologrammatic copy of the Space Corp'
directive manual.
It appears in Rimmer's hand. It is fairly small.
R: You've changed you know, they may not see it but I do. I know what's
happened, you've become a really nasty piece of work. You're meerly
a mechanoid - don't ever forget that.
K: You're a smee.../
You're a smee....
You're a smee... Hee................ (Cf RDV/2: 'Camille').
------------------------------------
Next scene is inside the science station.
------------------------------------
L: Dr Lanstrom.........
K: Are you there Dr ?
They come across a vault type door. Lister brushes the dust off
the door. As he goes down it, he exposes writing and pictures.
Viral Research Dept.
L: Oh brutal !
Most gross danger
Bio suits must be worn at all times.
(Red triangular warning sign. The picture inside it is of
a man vomiting at the same time as his guts are exploding
out of his body).
K: There is no need for danger. If there were any dangerous viral strains
the Psy-scan would have picked them up.
Kryten shows them the scanner. It isn't working.
K: It's never done that before. Cheap Martian power packs (hiting it).
Beg your indulgence for a couple of minutes, it takes time to warm up.
K: Here are the results and we're going to ......................live.
L: (Sighs). We're a really Mickey Mouse operation aren't we.
C: Mickey Mouse, we ain't even Betty Boop.
Kryten is looking inside a metallic suitcase he has found. It
contains vials of liquid.
L: Look at these. They are (Mr ?) Stasis pods.
One opens.
K: Dr......Dr Lanstrom.
DL:And whom might you be (VERY heavy German accent).
L: Hi, we're just passing.
DL: Schopenhauer was right, life without pain has no meaning. Gentlemen
I am going to give your lives meaning.
Dr Lanstrom (DL) sits up in the stasis pod. A howl eminates from
her. Her eyes become a fluorescent red colour and electric type bolts come
from them aimed at Lister, Kryten, Cat.
L: Why can't we EVER meet anyone nice ?
C: Why don't we ever meet anyone who can shoot straight ?
-------------------------------------
Back to Rimmer in Starbug talking to Holly.
-------------------------------------
R: I'm telling you Kryten is taking over, slowly but surely. I remember him
in the beginning. He used to be a gibbering wreck, no self confidence,
plagued by guilt and convinced he was fourth rate. I really liked him then.
H: Escape pod checked and standing by.
R: Check it again.
H: I've done 3 complete checks and it's ready to launch.
R: Right, I'm going (walks away through a door).
R: (back again). What really gets me is the way he thinks he can order me
about. Well he who lives by the rule book, dies by the rule book.
Lister calls on the radio.
L: Lanstrom has got some sort of holo-virus. She's totally barking.
R: Listy ?
L: We need backup badly and we need it now.
R: Everything OK ?
L: Can't you hear me.
R: I'm sorry, you're very faint (lying through his teeth).
K: Dr Lanstrom has contracted some sort of mutated holo-plague and is in
an incurabe psychopathic fury.
R: Marvellous ! I'm sure she'll be a valuable asset to the team.
K: Sir, I'm going to change frequency......Can you hear me now ?
Dr Lanstrom appears. Zaps at the radio with her eyes and picks
it up and talks into it (hands free).
DL:Hello. My name is Dr Hildegard Lanstrom and I am quite quite mad.
R: Are you really. How absolutely splendid.
DL: I have a riddle for you. What is dead and dead and dead all over.
R: I give in Dr Fruit-Loop, DO tell.
DL: Yooooooouuuuuuu !!!!
R: Well we know what to get you for Christmas. A double lobotomy and 10
rolls of rubber wallpaper.
Starbugs radio explodes in an electrical flash with bolts
eminating from it.
R: Holly, I really must be going. Keep me up to date with any developments.
-----------------------------------
The pod returns to Red Dwarf.
-----------------------------------
Lister, Cat and Kryten try to evade Dr Lanstrom. They are wondering
what sort of virus does that to a person- gives them 'Hex Vision'. Kryten
surmises that it is a Psy-Virus, which stimulates the dormant area's of
the brain which up until now humankind has been unable to harness.
Unfortunately it requires so much energy it drains the intended victims
lifeforce. That was why she was in the Stasis Pod. She was preserving what
little remained of her last victim. If she is running out of time they
may be able to give her the run-around. However she appears behind them.
DL: Twinkle twinkle little eye, now it is time for you to die.
Her Hex Vision comes on. She runs out of energy and dissapears.
She has finally been destroyed by the virus.
They take back her work to study. DR Lanstrom had postulated that
there are 2 sorts of virus. Positive and bnegative. We are familiar with
the negative - flu, rabies - but not the positive. The positive viruses
are like if your life has turned to complete and utter crud, you wake
up in the morning feeling really good. A reverse flu. Also inspiration,
charisma, sexual magnetism are some Dr Lanstrom has isolated. (Lister
steals the sexual magnetism one). Finally there is Felicitis Populi,
commonly known as luck. The virus is safe and Lister has a shot. He
picks all the aces from a deck of cards. 13-1, 221-1, 5525-1, 270725-1 !!!
He tries to throw a dart with his left hand, over his shoulder, without
looking at a dart board. He hits Kryten in the back of the head. The luck
virus has worn off.
--------------------------------
H: There is a problem with the cargo bay doors. Rimmer has put in an
override.
R: Welcome. If you would like to proceed aft to bay 47.
L: Bay 47. That's quarantine.
R: Spot On.
K: We're all clean. I scanned us.
R: Well as much as I trust a viral screening carried out by an automated
toilet attendent, Space Corp' directive #595 says no. I have no intention
of contracting the equivalent of foaming dog fever. So if you will proceed
to quarantine room 152 where you will be spending the next 3 months.
--------------------------------
Room 152 is single quarters. 1 chair, 1 bed, 1 shower. Kryten
doesn't think they will get through it. It is a scientific fact that human
males need time alone. Popular pastimes include fishing, golf, the all time
number 1 aswell.
L: We hang out together anyway.
C: Yeh, but we know we can leave when we want.
R: Welcome to quarantine. I hope the next 84 days pass as quickly as the
100 years war. Space Corp' directive #597 states that every registered
crew member shall have a berth. As Lister is the only registered crew
member: only 1 berth.
All Space Corp regulations on diet have been met. Sprout soup
to start, sprout salad, finished off by a sprout crumble.
L: Rimmer, you know sprouts make me chuck.
R: That's awful. You are down for sprouts for almost every meal. I tell a
lie, it is every meal. I must dash, I'm preparing your musical
entertainment. A perpetually looped tape of Reggie Wilsons 'Tango Treats'.
They agree not to argue in the entire time they are there. 'Boys
from the Dwarf' !!!!!!
----------------------------------
Scene. It is five days later. Lister is seen filling out a
time chart. He has a black eye, Cat a plaster on the nose and an arm
in a sling with a plaster cast on. Kryten appears out of the bathroom.
He has spent the last 2 hours panel-beating his head back into shape.
They start to argue again when Lister says 'guys take it easy'. 'If you
say take it easy one more time .....'. Kryten threatens Lister if he
wants to stay alive for the remaining 78 days he should not blow his
nose. Apart from the noise and the revolting gurgling sound, he describes
the really gross part when Lister opens up his handkerchief. to
look at the contents. What does he expect to find there. A Turner sea-scape ?
The face of the Madonna ? a Shakespearian sonnet ? Lister calls Kryten
tetchy and they start to argue again. Kryten covers his ears so he won't
hear Lister calling him tetchy, but Lister writes it in big letters on the
time chart (about A0 in size) and shows it to him. Kryten threatens to put
on one of the 'entertainment' videos Rimmer left them. One on DIY home
decorating.
Kryten is threatened with Lister not helping him again. Kryten
assures Lister he is perfectly capable of removing his own head from the
waste disposal unit. The Cat says he will this time unscrew his head and
mocrowave it next time, 'Frankenstein !!'. Keyten tells the Cat that
Frankenstein was the creator, not the monster, a misconception made by all
truly stupid people. The Cat hates being corrected so Kryten corrects him
again. Lister tries to calm them all down. They have all become crazies in
only five days.
K: Well don't call me tetchy and don't blow your nose.
C: Don't correct me, and DON'T play that video.
L: We're going to get through this.
K&C:DON'T SAY THAT WE'RE GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS AGAIN !!!!
L: This is insane, we've been here 5 days and there is no sign of the virus.
K: That's it. 5 days without sign of the virus. Rimmer must re-screen us.
Space Corp' directive #699 says that. He is playing by the book so he
must do it.
R: Your conversation makes interesting listening (He has been evesdropping
for the last 2-3 hours).
L: No-one has the disease. They are clean. No-one has the virus and no-one
is smegging nuts.
R: That's good. (He appears and is wearing a Red checked Little Bo-Peep
type dress with blonde pigtails and a matching hat).
R: Is something amiss ?
L: No nothing (visibly stunned).
R: What even with me wearing a red and white checked dress AND army boots
and there is nothing up.
C: No, just we thought you had gone nuts and were just humouring you.
R: I was doing a little test to see if you had gone crazy. (Rimmer screams
out-no words, just screams).
R: If there is one thing I can't stand it's crazy people.
L: Well we've passed the test, you can let us out.
R: I can't. The King of the Potato People won't let me. I begged him. I got
down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you in here for 10 years.
C: Could we see him.
R: See who.
C: The King.
R: Do you have a magic carpet ?
L: Yeah, a little 3 seater.
R: So let me get this straight. You have a magic carpet and you want to fly
on it to see the King of the Potato People and plead with him for your
freedom, and you're telling me you are completely sane !?!?
R: I think that deserves 2 hours W.O.O.
L: W.O.O ??
R: With Out Oxygen.
No oxygen for 2 hours. That will teach you to be bread baskets.
L: What can we do.
C: I think our only chance is the Potato King.
Rimmer has the holo-virus. It was spread by radio when he spoke
to Lanstrom (1). They must get out of the quarantine room as the oxygen
will be unbreathable in 7 minutes.
L: Can you crack the door code Kryten.
K: The chances are billions - 1, but you could with a big shot of the
luck virus.
Lister has an extra big shot of the luck virus. He hits several
keys on the door combination keypad. He stands back. The door doesn't open.
Kryten says 'The last digit Sir'. The door opens. They must get to the
Hologram projection suite and re-boot Rimmer to clear the holo-virus from
his system before Rimmer catches them. Rimmer appears behind them. He has
a companion. Mr Thlibble (MT).
R: They've been bad boys haven't they Mr Thlibble. What's going to happen
to them.
MT:Uncle Arnie fries them with his Hex Vision.
Zappppp. He misses. Rimmer is in the second stage of the virus. He
is capable of Hex Vision, telepathy and telekenesis. A medium sized fire
axe comes out of a telekenetically opened case and flies through the air
and ends up in Krytens spine. He has a short malfunction.
Rimmer appears again. He vapourises the door with his Hex Vision.
R: Mr Thlibble is very cross, you shouldn't have ran away. What are we
going to to with them Mr Thlibble ????? (MT whispers in Rimmers ear).
R: We CAAAANNN'T possible do that. Who would clean up the mess.
Mr Thlibble gets the Hex Vision.
K: We need to use your luck Mr Lister. What we really need is a remote
projection connection unit to the hologram projection suite.
L: What like this ? (He picks up a box with remote projection written on
the side).
C: What a stroke of luck.
K: And a power adaptor capable of holding spikes of up to 5 million volts.
L: This (tripping over it) ?
K: Extrodinary.
K: and a B47/RF resistor. (Lister holds one up between his fingers).
C: Look out. (Rimmer and Mr Thlibble appear).
Kryten switches on the remote hologram unit just as Rimmer and
Mr Thlibble 'Hex Vision' on. Rimmer falls to the ground and his dress returns
to normal (from the red and white checked dress) and Mr Thlibble disappears.
K: I think he's going to be Ok.
L: I think the luck virus must have worn off.
-------------------------------
Final scene. Rimmer wakes up in a quarantine room.
R: What happened to me ???
Where am I ??
K: Don't worry.
L: We're here to entertain you.
There's a final gag but I'm keeping schtumm here.
----------------------------/ End of Summary /----------------------------
Comments
~~~~~~~
Well of first watch I didn't like it much. Second time through I
loved it. I think for all this series you need 2 viewings. The Rimmer
and Dr Lanstrom 'Dr Fruit Loop' was good, as was the Rimmer v's Cat, Lister
and Kryten with the Potato King sketch That ** was ** funny. The Mr
Thlibble character was also good but I'm not telling about it (so there !!).
This episode was directed by Grant Naylor: Writer(s) and exec
producer(s). Juliet May was not on the credits at all. Possibly she
has got the boot ???
There still seemed to be 'gaps' between the dialogue where there was
a deathly silence. They laughtrack is still shit. It has been posted on
Rec.arts.tv.uk that the BBC don't use canned laughter. The Red Dwarf laughter
if not canned is 'processed' I would reckon. It is very quick to start and
stop. Volume up and down on the recorded laughing so as to have a laugh, but
not let it interfere with the dialogue too much.
Note (1). The spreading of the Holo-virus by radio is I would say
analagous to when Rimmer escaped from the hologram prison after his body
was repossessed when Rimmer Corporation crashed. He and the others escaped
via a walkie-talkie radio. Red Dwarf: Better Than Life (The Book).
Credits
~~~~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Dr Hildegard Lanstrom Maggie Steed
Directed Grant Naylor
Produced Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Errata From Guides RDV/1, RDV/2, RDV/3.
RDV/1: 'Holoship'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
RDV/2: 'The Inquisitor'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Produced by Hilary Bevan-Jones (Omitted)
Directed By Juliet May and Rob Grant/Doug Naylor.
(Possibly why it was the strongest of the 3 so far, due to Rob Grant
and Doug Naylor helping Juliet May with the Directing.)
The Inquisitor visits every soul in history, not every sole.
Thanks to someone who I deleted from my mbox by accident.
RDV/3: 'Terrorform'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On Krytens display near the beginning of the guide. It is not 'MALIVE'
but MAUVE, following the colour thread.
Thanks to Paul Goffin + Crosfield Electronics Ltd. U.K.
and somebody else who se message I deleted.
-------------------------------/ END /-------------------------------
Guide By Neil Postlethwaite.
Any addition, correction of comments are most welcome.
--
*****************************| Sig' Time |**********************************
JANET: neilp@uk.ac.hw.cs * Neil Postlethwaite, Computer Science,
INTERNET: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk * Heriot-Watt University,
UUCP: ..mcsun!ukc!hwcs!neilp * Edinburgh, Scotland, UK.
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Subject: Red Dwarf V/5: 'Demons and Angels' (Spoilers Ahead!)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
Red Dwarf V/5: 'Demons and Angels'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Opening Scene: Lister and Kryten are in Red Dwarfs Science Lab. Lister
has pulled a ripe red strawberry out a a container. The
container has a white wispy vapour evaporating off it. The
strawberry has been frozen (probably in liquid nitrogen).
It is placed on the middle of 3 pads on a workbench.
L: Amazing, the last strawberry in the universe.
K: Calibrator locked and set. Organic infrastructure recorded and stored.
Engage triplicator.
Lister starts up the machine. Beams of light hit all 3
of the pads. 2 new strawberries appear left and right of
the original.
L: It works !
Rimmer enters the science lab.
R: What works ?
K: We've adapted the matter panel (1). Only now the signal is split 3
ways (2), so as well as receiving the object back, we get 2 identical
copies.
L: This is going to solve ALL our supply problems.
K: Taking into account the computations for recalibrating, I think we can
produce 4, perhaps 5, strawberries a week.
R: Well I don't know if the Nobel science people run a fruit section, but
if they do you've GOT to be this years hot tip.
Gentlemen, history beckons. You'll be famous, they'll build your statues,
they'll even name towns after you. Dorksville springs instantly to mind.
L: This machine could revolutionise our lives.
R: Absolutely ! With this little baby running full pelt, I confidently
predict we could have a full fruit salad by the end of the year.
L: It's not just strawberries, this machine can duplicate anything. It can ...
Lister picks up one of the new strawberries and and takes
a bite out of it. He has a strange look on his face.
K: Sir, what's wrong ?
L: This strawberry IS INCREDIBLE. So succulent. It's divine.
Lister picks up the other new strawberry and also takes
a bite of this one.
R: Is that the same ?
Lister face is screwed up in disgust.
L: Oh NO !, no.
R: How's it different ?
L: Bitter..
L: Bitter
The shot cuts to the 'off' strawberry. It is crawling
inside with maggots. Lister still hasn't seen them, though
Rimmer and Kryten have.
L: Rancid, king of tangy, crunchy, tangy, meaty even. Funny kind of
wriggly texture.
Lister sees the maggots.
L: Oh .......... smeg ........
K: It's as if the triplicator has extracted all the very best elements out
of one duplicate (ie the maggoty one), and all the very worst out of
the other (ie the good one).
L: So what would happen if we reversed the process ?
Lister and Kryten restart the process but something goes
badly wrong. The central console starts exploding and all
the rest of the equipment in the lab follows suit.
R: Nice experiment guys, what do you do for an encore ? Neutron bomb
juggling ?!
Red Dwarfs red alert starts to sound.
H: Rude alert. Rude alert. A fire has knocked out my voice recognition
unicycle. Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop,
This is not a daffodil, repeat this is not a daffodil
R: Well thankfully Holly is unaffected.
K: The engine core is reaching critical mass. We will have meltdown in
less than 15 minutes.
R: Er, I think a brisk stroll in the direction of the cargo bay could be
an outstanding career move at this point.
L: Are you saying that Red Dwarf is going to blow ?!
K: In less time than it take a Norwegian to buy ski boots !
Cat appears.
C: Hey guys, I think they are playing our tune: the a-woo-ga waltz. Anyone
care to join me in a quickstep.
They all dash off in the direction of the cargo bay.
Starbug lifts off and starts to head out of the ship.
R: Holly, open cargo bay doors.
K: Holly, tho..those cargo bay doors we talked about earlier, would you
mind opening them please !!
L: Holly, the doors Holly !!
H: The phrase 'cargo bay doors' does not appear to be in my lexicon.
L: Manual override.
H: The phrase 'manual override' does....
L: Oh... forget it.
Starbug crashes through the doors.
K: That's 80 clicks. We should be clear of any possible blast zone.
C: You really think that it's going to blow ?
R: This can't be happening.
L: Nothings going to happen, we're just here as a precaution. The ship is
full of failsafes anyway. Coolant systems, containment fields, vacumn
shields. The chances of it blowing are ..... about 1 in .....
Red Dwarf explodes. (3)
L: .... 1
The nearest asteroid with a S3 atmosphere is 6 hours away.
Starbug however only has fuel for 5 hours flight. This isn't a major
problem because they only have enough oxygen for 7 minutes left anyway.
Rimmer tries to get Kryten to stick with him. They don't need oxygen.
They could ditch Cat and Listers bodies' which should hopefully lighten
the load enough so they could reach the asteroid.
Lister says that's not the Red Dwarf way. One in trouble,
all in trouble. They all stick together. The posse. "Boys' from the
Dwarf" (doing a hands shaking out in front ritual -coolly. Hard to
describe it !). Rimmer asks if they have anything in writing ? It's
tragic that they are going to die, but life must go on. However in
Mr Rimmers case that isn't quite true. He is operating on emergency
batteries and they don't have any spares. He will expire in a little
under 4 minutes.
R: Ok home boys lets posse !! (Does the hand shaking, VERY badly).
They are going to scan the wreckage for debris. Fuel tanks,
oxygen etc. They come across 2 large objects. They are 2 Red Dwarfs. The
triplicator has produced 2 duplicates before Red Dwarf was destroyed.
The process wasn't reversed. The field didn't point in, it pointed out and
Red Dwarf was copied. The strain of copying something so big caused a huge
power drain and that caused the engine overload and the resulting explosion.
There are now 2 Red Dwarfs. One succulent and divine, the other
'fish bait'. Cat asks why they can't just go and live on the new better
Red Dwarf. The problem is there is a limited lifespan on any duplicates
currently. In the lab, the fruit would only last for 1 hour. There will
be copies of everything on the original Red Dwarf including the triplicator.
They can retrieve it and try to combine the 2 copies to get the original
Red Dwarf back.
Lister and Cat are seen on the new better Red Dwarf. It has
magnificent piped music, the air is wonderful: makes you glad to be alive.
Everything on the ship is divine.
L: Let's check the food.
C: What did you order ?
L: The ultimate test....... A Pot Noodle ! (4)
Cat and Lister taste it.
L&C: Mmmmm....
L: I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've
played pool with planets and given birth 2 twins, but I NEVER thought in
my entire life I would taste an edible Pot Noodle.
A divine Cat and Lister (dressed as Monks) and bid them a
welcome. They explain about themselves. They are the higher selves, the
spiritual side, the potential of Lister and Cat, which has been extrapolated
from their beings. Cat says that the divine part could NOT be from him, no
part of him would ever be seen alive in sandals. The divine cat explains
that he has no need for a want of clothes. They are a distraction from the
pursuit of spiritual and intellectual fullfilment. This is funny as the Cat
finds spiritual and intellectual fulfilment a distraction from the
pursuit of clothes. They join Rimmer and Kryten with the divine Rimmer
and Kryten, also dressed as monks.
The divine Cat and Lister Kryten and Rimmer spend their time
with philosophy, poetry, music and study. Trying to expand their minds and
unlock their full potential in the service of mankind. 'May your path lead
you to wisdom and in wisdom know ye peace'. Rimmer thinks they are a bunch
of losers. Hippies. Kryten asks Rimmer if he would think Jesus was a
hippy. Rimmer replies yes, 'Well he was. Long hair and no job. What more
do you want'.
They have found the triplicator and they should scram before
the mad monk brothers rope them into an evening of philosophical music
and an evening of self-flagellation. However, the triplicator only has
half the vital compontents needed. They must visit the 'low' Red Dwarf
to retrieve them. The entertainment begins. There is to be Haiku
readings, poetry recitals and musings on the inner soul. But first, music
and dance. Brother Rimmer is portraying Agony. Who is searching out the
truth. The truth danced to by Brother Cat. (Brother Kryten is the narrator,
Brother Lister is playing a Lyre). Sister Holly interrupts unfortunately.
She is receiving a weak distress call from the 'low' Red Dwarf. 'They must
haste over and help them'.
The inside of the 'low' Red Dwarf is dark and dreary. They
take it cautiously. However, Brother Kryten shout out 'Greetings, we bring
you food and medical supplies'. He is shot in the chest almost immediately.
He says to the assailant that they must have a faulty gun, and is shot
another 4 times. 'He has shot me accidentally 5 times, how I love him'.
Brother Cat show himself. 'You have a grievous fault with thy weapon. It
keeps shooting people. Look, there it goes again' (as Cat is now shot).
An object is now thrown at them. 'What is it. A greeting gift. A sparkling
welcome orb. Let us embrace it'. It explodes, throws Lister clear but does
not appear to do much damage.
The 'low' Lister appears over Lister. (His appearance is of
a Mexican type bandit from a Sergio Leone Western). He takes his cigar
from his mouth and spits in Lister face. Lister runs. He comes across
the 'low' Cat, who is a fanged monster wearing animal hide/furs and
devouring raw flesh. Lister runs again and takes a rest against a wall.
The 'low' Kryten does a Robocop and grabs him through the wall. Lister
manages to escape again. He hears someone and calls out 'Rimmer' quietly.
The 'low' Rimmer appears. He is dressed like Dr Frank N. Furter from the
Rocky Horror Picture Show. Basque, suspenders and stockings, leather,
dog collars, feathers, a crooked H on his forehead. 'Hello my pretty.
I want to HURT you because I'm not a very nice person. I'm going to whip
you within an inch of your life...... and then I'm going to HAVE you'.
He activates his holo-whip and whips Lister unconscious.
Brother Lister/Brother Rimmer and Cat and Kryten divide up.
The brother are not afraid. They need no weapons. They are wearing
protective herbs.
Lister is tied down on a medical examination bench (cf Star
Trek type). He is fitted with a Spinal Implant. He can be controlled by
remote control. The 'lows' want the divine Red Dwarf as on their ship
nothing works and it is decaying. They give Lister a drink of coffee.
He is forced to pick it up and pour the steaming hot coffee onto his crotch
(5). He is also given something horrible to eat (even I cringed at this).
Lister says that the 'low' Lister cannot be part of him. Yes he is. He is
the part of Lister that likes horror movies, the part that pulled the legs
off spiders as a child, held a magnifying glass into the sunlight and
watched his best friends neck buuuuurrrrrnnnnnnnn. The part that lusts after
meaningless sex. Lister says but I could never kill. But he is going to
be made to because of the implant. He is given a knife and his mouth
is taped over.
Kryten and Rimmer enter the 'low' quarters of Rimmer and Lister
while looking for the triplicator. They come across videos, 'Revenge of
the Mutants Splat Gore Monsters', Die Screaming with Sharp Things in your
Head'. Weapons magazines. This place is a shrine to everything low and
base in like. Everything designed to sicken the soul and shrivel the
spirit. Kryten open a storage locker. 'Eeughh!, Toastie Toppers. Oh,
Cinema Hot Dogs. Sweaty kebabs with brown lettuce coimg out of them'.
Cat finds some CD's. 'Hammond Heaven', 'Karaoke Heaven', 'Peter Perfect
plays Tuneful Tunes for Elderly Ladies'. They find and take the triplicator.
Lister meets Brother Lister and Brother Rimmer in a corridor.
He kills Brother Lister and grabs Brother Rimmers light bee and crushes
it. Brother Rimmer fades away.
Rimmer, Cat and Kryten have set up a properly working
triplicator when Lister appears mumbling again. Cat walks over and rips
off the tape.
L: MMmmnn
C: What ?
L: Look out I'm going to kill you !!
I'm a homicidal maniac. My body is being remotely controlled by the
'lows'
Lister now has an axe.
L: K look out !!
Kryten gets whacked on the head, then the k#neck by Lister
with the axe.
R: Shoot him !
L: What ! (Now strangling the cat)
R: Blow his kneecaps off. It's the only way.
L: Give me a break Rimmer.
R: He's a homicidal manic, put him down.
L: There must be some other way.
Incapacitate me somehow.
R: Hit him over the head with that axe.
L: That'll kill me.
R: Not if he does it gently.
R: He's killing the Cat.
K: What can I do.
L: Incapacitate me in a painless way.
The Cat incapacitates Lister, with sound effects !!, in probably
the most painless way possible. (Guess it !!).
L: (Very weak voice) That was un-necessary.
C: Unnecessary !! Look what you've done to my neck line. This stuff never
springs back (adjusting his shirt collar).
Lister now grabs one of the bazookoids.
L: Kryten left (he shoots right)
L: Right (shoots left)
L: You must take me by surprise
K: I'm coming up behind you now Sir.
L: Surprise me. Get ON with it.
K: You may get an unpleasant sensation of Chloroform now sir. Surprising
you now Sir.
Lister is out cold. Starbug's engine are started but they
won't catch.
C: Damn, a flat battery. Who left the lights on ?
K: No, it's the magnetic coils. They have de-polarised. It's as if
the decay abouad this ship is contagious.
R: 35 seconds.
C: Try the backup.
All systems check out.
Starbug takes off and heads out of the cargo bay. Lister
recovers from the chloroform and enters the cabin and starts hitting the
controls. Kryten see's the spinal implant and pulls it out of Lister neck.
Starbug off course, hits the side of the doors to the cargo bay. Kryten
is almost knocked over. He loses the implant. It ends up in Cats neck.
The Cat tries to strangle Lister now. Kryten pulls the implant out of
Cats neck and throws it into the back of Starbug.
The triplicator merges the 'high' and 'low' Red Dwarfs back
into one original (3). Holly comes back on line on one of Starbugs'
monitors.
H: Engaging course 00 mark 0. Taking her home.
Lister is virtually dead on his feet. He is helped into the
back to rest.
C: See what you did to my Blouson (adjusting his collar again),
plus you almost killed me 3 times.
L: Sorry it wasn't my fault. Once you get one of those things in you,
you just go king of ...
Lister sits down, on the implant that Kryten chucked into the back.
K: Sir what's wrong ?
R: I think he just sat on the spinal implant.
K: It doesn't make sense. Who is controlling him ?!
Cat grabs a bazookoid and shoots at a locker. The 'low' Lister
falls out dead dropping the control box.
K: I think I'd better remove and destroy it once and for all.
C: What a minute (picking up the control box). All I ask is one week !
Cat starts twiddling with the control box. Lister slaps himself
in the face. First with the right hand, then the left, right ...
C: Boy, this is going to be FUN !!!!!
---------- End of Summary ------------
Comments:
~~~~~~~
I think this is probably been the best one of this series so far.
It had just about everything. A good, fast plot, plenty of action,
loads of gags. Some of it was a bit obvious in places, particularly
the Kryten Robocop, the good and bad Red Dwarfs after the strawberries.
All in all it was pretty good though.
Technically speaking the episode was a marvel of production and
direction. Having the same actor playing 3 different characters (high,
low and normal) often in rapidly joining and changing scenes was really
VERY well done. Probably the best example of an actor playing multiple
roles I have seen. There were only 2 scenes where actors appeared twice
in the same camera shot. In one, they were in a corridor and they kept
to different sides of it. The other was a distance type of shot so it
couldn't really be seen if there were stand-ins or if it was just simple
film overlaying. I was ** well ** impressed.
One gripe. The space scenes of Red Dwarf and Starbug are beginning
to be recycled TOO much. I think some more should be shot. This week there
were some old ones from series III. They don't even do anything to try and
hide the fact, like just flipping the film over so left become right.
I did want to do more of the episode guide in a 'play' type of way,
but what with 15 characters and most of them being the same (High, Low and
normal Lister/Rimmer/Kryten/Cat/Holly) it sort of got too complicated.
Notes:
~~~~
1) The Matter Panel. First seen in RD IV/6: 'Meltdown'.
2) Here there was a massive, whopping big continuity error. Krytens
explanation started about mid sentence.
3) The explosion and recreation effects of Red Dwarf were very
Blakes 7. In this day and age, they really should have done
better.
4) Pot Noodle. Incase Pot Noodles aren't available abroad. What they
are is a dried noodle type substance with little bits of veg'
and meaty bit in them. Also a small sauce portion. Soy, mango
chutney depending on the flavour. Pretty much a last resort
type of food. You make them by filling about 3/4 full with
boiling water and let sit for 4 minutes or so for the dried
noodles (loose sense of the word) to rehydrate.
5) The coffee in the crotch was very similar to the description
of Lister pouring coffee (unknown at that point) from a Thermos
flask to put out a cigarette he dropped between his legs when
in a Hopper taxi on Mimas (See Red Dwarf: Infinity Welcomes
Careful Drivers Book).
Credits:
~~~~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Directed Juliet May/Rob Grant & Doug Naylor
Produced Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant and Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guide by Neil Postlethwaite
Heriot-Watt University,
Edinburgh, UK.
From: neilp@cs.hw.ac.uk (Neil Postlethwaite)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.red-dwarf
Subject: Red Dwarf V: Back to Reality: (SPOILERS AHEAD !!!!!!!)
Organization: Dept of Computer Science, Heriot-Watt University, Scotland
########################################################
Red Dwarf V/6: 'Back to Reality'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Opening scene. A space ship is on the floor of a sea or ocean. Starbug
lands close to it. Lister, Cat and Kryten investigate. Rimmer is left
on Starbug.
A little later
K: Mr Rimmer, we've discovered the black. box terminal. You should be
getting something through now.
R: Correct. Ident details, SSS Esperanto. Ocean seeding vessel. Mission to
introduce oceanic life to potential S3 planets. The was a recon trip, a 3
u yearly check, strictly routine to make sure that the amino acid chain
had taken. They had been trying some new enhancements which would have
lead to accelerated evolutionary processes. Topped their best projections.
They had 5 million years of evolution in 3 solar years.
K: (Whistles)
C: So what happened ?
R: Final entry, routine stuff. They spent the day cataloguing and indexing
new lifeforms. Then it stops.
K: The question which occurs is if this ocean is supposed to be teeming
with new life forms, where are they all ?
L: What are you implying Kryten !?
K: No implication intended Sir.
L: Yes there is. Your saying that there is some huge damn fish out there.
A gigantic weird Leviathan who has porked its entire way through this
ocean.
K: That's one option.
L: Any alternatives ?
K: None that occur.
C: Wait a minute, I've got it, they have swam south for the winter.
K: That's birds sir.
C: Birds 'swim' south for the winter !?!?! How do they breath ?
L: Guys look ! Rimmer are you getting this ?
R: It looks like Norman Bates' mum
Kryten scans the somewhat decayed corpse
K: Human, male, Caucasian. Cause of death gunshot wound to the head. From
the entry and exit points most likely self inflicted.
C: There's another one.
A body is hanging from a pipe, noose round neck
L: 2 suicides ?!
C: There are more.
K: A male. Oriental. Clearly he has committed Seppuku
C: Look what I've found.
K: Species, unknown. Similar to Earth haddock. Cause of death suffocation.
C: What ?!?!
R: (over radio) What is it ?
K: This fish suffocated in water. It voluntarily closed its own gills.
C: Are you saying that this haddock committed suicide !
K: I'm merely stating the known facts. This fish relinquished its life of
its own free will. Damned fool !
L: Why would a haddock kill itself ?
Why am I even asking that question.
C: Hang five guys. I'm getting something. He committed suicide, he committed
suicide, he committed suicide, the fish committed suicide. There is some
kind of link here I can't quite grasp (? obscured by laugh track).
L: Hang on a minute guys. (He sees something, a substance, and picks some
up) Check this.
K: (Scans) Its an unknown substance. Best guess is some sort of
hallucenogenic venom secreted from a piscine source, not unlike Earth's
octopus or giant squid. (Lister throws it away).
L: Are you saying this is octopus ink ?
K: I'm just completing a chemical analysis...... Err, COME ON SIRS. WE
HAVE TO GO.
R: What's happening ?
K: We have to go.
R: Kryten, what's going on ?
K: Entering air lock.
L: Repressurising now.
K: Some kind of sea creature, a life form we have never seen before
attacked the ship. It has a very curious defence form. It secretes a
venom, a poison, possibly even a hallucenogenic which disfunctions its
prey by inducing despair. That's why the crew members, and even that
fish, committed suicide. Unfortunately, we have become contaminated.
It's a greatly reduced dose but we may find that we do experience
(bursts into tears) moments of despair and anguish.
R: What about Lister and the Cat ?
L: I'm OK. I don't seem to be affected. It's true, I don't think anyone
has ever truly loved me in my entire life.
C: What is it with you guys. This is like Saturday night at the Wailing
Wall. Why is it always me that has to be the strong one. I mean you
guys just fall apart (crying).
K: I suggest we get back as fast as possible and then take a mood stabiliser.
I suggest Lithium Carbonate.
R: I know emotionly that probably isn't the news you want to hear right now
but there is a blob on the scannerscope the size of New Mexico and its
heading your way.
H: I thing your friend the 'Suicide Squid' is about to make an appearance.
K: (over radio TO Rimmer) Where is it precisely ?
R" Directly above you, about 2000 fathoms (away) and closing.
L: Thanks a lot Rimmer, the state we're in now and you have to go and give
us news like that. You couldn't have lied !
R: I was lying. It's only 1000 fathoms (away).
K: Entering Starbugs airlock now.
Cut to the scannerscope. The blob is closing rapidly.
R: What's it doing ?
L: Trying to figure out what we are. Cut the power.
R: The venom, are we safe in here ?
L: It penetrated the hull of a class D Space Corp seeding ship. In
comparison we're a sardine tin.
R: It's moving.
L: Where ?
H: Down.
L: Speed ?
H: 15 knots.......16........18
R: It's diving.
L: Course ?
H: Collision.
K: Do we move or stay ?
H: 25 knots......35......50
R: Its coming straight for us.
L: There are only 3 alternatives. It thinks we are a threat, food or a
mate. It's gonna either kill us, eat us or hump us. We can either
persuade it that we are not that sort of oceanic salvage vessel or
we scarper pronto.
C: To be diddled by a giant squid on the first date. Think how we'd feel
in the morning.
K: Ok, we're going to try and out run it. Holly, hit the power.
Starbug lifts off from the ocean bed and trys to out run the
creature. Holly says there are several caverns about 3 clicks away which
may provide some cover. They head for them but unfortunately the creature
catches them. Starbug hits some rocks and explodes.
----------
-------------------------------------------------------------
| Machine 16 |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| GAME OVER |
| GAME OVER |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| * Score 4% * Red Dwarf |
-------------------------------------------------------------
Music is heard.
VOICE: For the last 4 years you have been engaged in the Total Immersion
Videogame (TIV) Red Dwarf. As with all role playing adventure games
you will experience a certain amount of disorientation on leaving
the game. It will be several minutes before your real life memories
return. So in the meantime, please disengage the game playing
machinery and relax until an attendant is free to answer any of your
questions. On behalf of Leisure World International may we be the
first to wlecome you back to reality.
Rimmer, Lister, Cat and Kryten are sitting in dentist style seats
around a central control machine. They are dressed in overalls and have large
oxygen masks over their faces. They take them off. Lister's hair is straight
and he has a ponytail (no 'locks'). Kryten has a metal skull plate but has
human hands. Rimmers hair looks like Dr Emmet Brown from Back to the Future.
L: This is a very very bad dream right !?
R: I'm not a hologram (smiles).
K: I'm half human.
C: What happened to my teeth. (He has teeth with a gigantic overbite and
also a 'pyrex bowl' haircut).
C: I can open beer bottles with my teeth !!!
An attendant appears. He is Andy and has a very strong Birmingham
accent.
A: Allright. How are you feeling. A bit wonky ???? Perfectly normal. You'll
be allright in 20 minutes. So if you could just move through into the
recuperation lounge I'll get things ready for the next lot.
L: The next lot ?
A: Yeh, a very popular game is Red Dwarf, a 2 year waiting list. We've only
got 20 machines. So how did you get killed ??
K: Some hind of squid.
A: The despair squid !!!, that shouldn't have killed you. Why didn't you use
the laser cannons ? It's obvious !
K: Starbug doesn't. Didn't have a laser cannon capability.
A: You twonk ! Use the cannons on the crashed .... wotsit .... Esperanto.
That's how to get out of it.
R: And how were we supposed to know that you Brummie git ??
A: Esperanto. It's a clue isn't it. Esperanto - hope. Hope defeats despair.
Despair - the Despair Squid. It's a blatant clue isn't it. If you didn't
get that you must have been playing like puddings.
Which one was playing Lister then ??
L: Me.
A: Did you get Kochanski ?
L: Was I supposed to ?
A: That's the objective of the game for Lister, you twonk !
You're separated at the beginning and basically it's a love story across
time, space, death and reality.
You must have got the easy stuff though !? What did you think of the
Planet of the Nymphomaniacs ??
R: The Planet of the What !?!?!??
A: You missed that ! Oh that's a riot. Some people spend years there on
that. Which one was playing Rimmer then ??
R: ME (smiling )
A: He's amazing him ain't he.
R: You can say that again.
A: How long did it take you to suss him out then ?
R: Right from the beginning.
A: Really, you found the Captain's message right away !!!
R: Er....what.. Captains message
A: The one in the microdot in the 'I' in Rimmers swimming certificate. That's
the clue. Rimmer having a swimming certificate and he can't swim.
R: That's a clue !!!
A: A blatant clue isn't it.
R: A blatant clue to what.
A: A blatant clue to the truth behind Rimmer.
R: Which is ......
A: The truth to why he is such an insufferably pratt.
R: That's because of his parents, his upbringing, his background. The fact
that he was never loved.
A: He was a hand picked special agent for the space corp and had his
memory erased and was programmed to behave like a complete twonk so
nobody would suspect he was on a mission to destroy Red Dwarf in order
to guide Lister to his destiny as the creator of the second universe.
L: You what !!!
A: Yeh, you know the bit where Lister jump starts the second big bang with
jump leads from Starbug.
R: Jump...starts..the..second..big..bang.
A: Well, that;s the final irony isn't it. Lister the ultimate atheist
turns out infact to be God.
L: What !?????!!!?!?!
A: It's all in the Captains message. It's all in the microdot.
Hang on a minute. Are you telling me that you were playing the pratt
Rimmer for all that time. For 4 years. Wow, that's a classic that is.
A new group of TIV players arrive.
A: All right lads. Which ones Lister ? There's your food bag, your bio-
feedback cathater it's all there you can start plugging yourself
in. Oh, don't mix them up. We had a bloke that did that. We didn't
notice it for 2 days. Ha ha ha.....
OK Kryten, in you go son. Cat, Rimmer........ Hey, give us a bit of
room here.
K: Where do we go ? We don't know who we are, out memories haven't
returned yet.
A: THE R..E..C..U..P..E..R..A..T..I..O..N Lounge. I keep telling
you. Blimey no wonder you only scored 4%. Cor, what a bunch of twonks.
-------------
Scene: The recuperation lounge
L: I'm not lister then, I'm not me am i.
K: None of us are who we thought we were sit, this is going to take some
getting used to.
R: I'm not a hologram. I'm not Rimmer (smiling again).
K: No.
C: Well if we are not who we though we are, who the hell are we !???!?
L: The kind of sadacs who would want to spend 4 years playing a computer
game. Either running away from God knows what, or we have nothing
worth living for.
A female attendant arrives
FA: Is there a Dwane Dibbley in here ?
L: Pardon.
FA: Dwane Dibbley ?
L: No sorry.
R: Wait a minute. How do we know there is no-one called Dwane Dibbley in
here. It could be you.
FA: (returning) No this is right. Dibbley. This is the Dibbley party.
Which one is Dwane Dibbley ???
The camera focuses on Cat
C: No, NO, please no. I can't be Dwane Dibbley.
FA: No, it is you. Here are your partys clothes and possessions. The
medical officer will be down in 20 minutes.
C: Dwane Dibbley. How can I be called Dwane Dibbley.
Lister examines the case the attendant has picked out.
L: It's true. It has your photograph, name and address on it and everything.
......there's an anorak in here !! White socks, nylon shirt, plastic
sandals, aertex vest, cardigan, oh and a key to the Salvation Army hostel.
C: It doesn't make any sense.
R: I'm afraid it makes perfect sense............Dwane !!
Imagine a guy with no `elan, no style, a misfit. Doesn't it make total
sense that this hapless creature would give his buck teeth to play
someone like the Cat in a computer game.
C: So this is really me. A no style gimbo with teeth the druids could use
as a place of worship.
R: Kryten. Open the next one.
K: Listen, whoever you are, don't push your luck by ordering whoever I am
around because almost certainly whoever I am, I'm not going to take any
crap from whoever you are. So before you start ordering me around lets
establish whether I am the type of guy who doesn't mind being ordered
around or whether I get all up tight by being ordered about by whatever
type of guy you are. CLEAR !!
R: All I said was open the next one.
L: Right, this one's yours (to Kryten).
K: Who am I ?
L: WOW. Your a detective in the Cybernautic Division of the Police Dept.
K: Oh, golly, really.
L: Yeh, this is your badge.
K: Oh a detective huh, what's my name.
L: Jake. Jake Bullet.
K: Jake Bullet, Cybernautic Detective. I like the sound of that. That sounds
like the kind of hard living flat foot who gets the job done by cutting
corners and bucking authority, and if those pen pushers up at City Hall
don't like it, well they can park their overpayed fat arse's on this
middle digit and swivel. Swivel until they squeal like pigs on a
honeymoon.
R: On the other hand 'Mr Bullet', perhaps the Cybernautics division is
in charge of traffic control and you just happen to have a rather silly
macho name.
K: Yes, that's a very good point sir. I didn't think of that.
C: Dwane Dibbley ...... (looking at his plastic sandals).
R: So who are you (to Lister), who's next ?
L: I don't want to know. Someone else look.
K: Stand aside, the law will handle this.
Hmm.... no photograph, name Billy Doyle.
L: Not necessarily. It's not necessarily me.
R: Billy Doyle. Well that's a name that comes from the wrong side of the
the tracks isn't it. You can see it all now. A youth spent in and out of
corrective institutions, a string of illegitimate children. The wife
will be all white shoes, no tights and blotchy legs. He has to take up
petty crime to cover the court orders for the maintenance. Before he
knows it he's standing in a bank with a sawn off shotgun. Somehow it
goes off. An old lady gets both barrels through a crocheted bobbly
hat. All he can do is hide. But where, and that it hits him. With all
his ill-gotten gains he can buy 4 years in a computer game and wait
until the heat is off. And so it ends, the Ballard of Billy 'Granny
Killer' Doyle.
L: (To Rimmer) It's yours.
R: What ?!
L: It's yours.... Bill.
R: No.
L: Check the ugly mug on the ID then man.
R: William Doyle. 'William Doyle'. Good old Bill Doyle. That sounds like a
hell of a good name to me. Probably connected to the Boston Doyles. Old
money, blue chip stock. You know I think it's all starting to come back
to me now.
L: What puzzles me slightly, is what a man of such undoubtedly good
breeding is doing with a coat that smells like an elderly male Yak has
taken a leak in both pockets.
R: Well isn't it obvious.
K: No it isn't.
R: OH MY GOD. My name is Billy Doyle and my cologne is Eau de Yak Urine.
L: So who am I then ??
L: (opening his case) Wow, look at my gear. This stuff is really expensive.
R: Are you quite sure that isn't may box.
K: So who are you. What do you do ?
L: I work for some company. CGI. I've got a Limo in the long term car park.
R: Well, clearly you were given all the breaks and advantages in life that
were denied to poop William Doyle.
K: Sir, I think you should take a look at this. William, meet your brother
Sebastian. (Compare ID's). Well, half brothers. New Urinal, same mother.
----------------
Scene: They are leaving the lounge
K: This is a crazy idea. We can't leave now. Our memories haven't returned
yet.
R: We've got to find out more about ourselves. I refuse to accept that I
am his alky dropout Yak coat wearing brother.
C: (still) Dwane Dibbley !
Lister looks through an observation machine into the new running
Red Dwarf Games 16. Starbug is seen taking off and crashing through Red
Dwarf's cargo bay doors.
Kochanski (NK) storms through into the cockpit and confronts
the new Lister (NL)
NK: Are you crazy Lister are you totally nuts. You risk your own neck and
everybody elses just to save my life. You do that again and I will
kill you.
NL: Hey Kochanski.
Gets out of the pilots seat, spits out what is left of his cigar.
NL: Shaarrtt Up.
He grabs Kochanski, holds her tight and starts to kiss her. At
first she struggles, but not for long ! Lister looks away from the
observation screen. He is depressed.
--------------------
Scene: They are leaving the Leisure World International, Total Immersion
Videogame Arcade. They enter the carpark level. They pass two posters
stuck on a wall.
L: Vote Fascist for a third glorious decade of total law enforcement.
K: Be a government informer. Betray your family and friends. Fabulous
prizes to be won.
L: There is it (takes off the cover sheet over his Limo).
R: This is your car !
L: Bay 47.
Cop: Halt or I will fire.
A young child runs across the car park past them.
Cop: Move Voters.
K: (Grabbing Rimmer) Move an inch and I'll crush every bone in your body
The Cop appears. He is plain cloths and looks a nasty piece of work.
Cop: You helped an enemy of democracy escape. She was stealing an apple
of the people.
K: Bullet. Cybernautics.
Cop: That's traffic control.
Cop: Kneel Voters. You are under sentence of death.
Cop: (To Lister in the shadows). Come out of the shadows Voter.
L: What;s the beef ? Did she steal your lunch box ?
Cop: M..mm..many apologies Voter Colonel
L: You know me ?
Cop: Of course Voter Colonel.
L: Who am I ?
Cop: You are Colonel Sebastian Doyle, section chief of CGI. Head of the
Ministry of Alteration.
L: Remind me a little. What do we do at the Ministry of Alteration ?
Cop: You 'change' people Sir.
L: In what way
Cop: You change them from being alive people, to being dead people to
purify democracy.
R: Purify !?
Cop: Noone has done more to purge the ballot boxes than the Voter Colonel.
C: So why has he been away for 4 years then ??
Cop: Excuse me Voter Colonel. But is this some sort of test ??
L: Answer him.
Cop: The rumour was that you had grown weary of your glorious duties and
had gone away in secret to renew yourself.
The child, a little girl, appears again. She tries to run away.
The Cop guns her down with a machine pistol. Kryten kills the Cop.
From this point on there are 2 switching locations for the
story. Lister, Cat, Krtyen and Rimmer are in both of them at the same
time. The two places are Starbug and the totalitarian state, run by
Lister. Starbug scenes indicated by (.........................).
(K: I killed him)
L: Lets get out of here. In the car.
(L: get in the car)
(L: I killed him)
(L: We haven't got time for that. In the Car !)
(K: I killed a human)
(R: In the car)
(They all sit on boxes and trunks in Starbug. They are arranged
2x2. A car shape. Lister is driving. Kryten is the passenger and Cat
and Rimmer are in the Back)
(R: Lookout fascist cops by the left and they are armed)
(R:(to Cat) You're hit.)
(The Cat grabs his 'injured' shoulder)
(H: Hello ! for the 3000th time. Your hallucinating. CAN ANYONE HEAR ME)
(R: Oh oh, speed bumps)
(They hit the imaginary speed bumps. Lister and Kryten jump up.
Momentarily later Cat and Rimmer do. Speed bumps !!! Again twice)
(K: Chicane)
(They swing left, right, left, right and left again on their boxes)
(R: Look out the barrier.)
(L: We're going through it)
(They crash the barrier)
(R: Look out, motorcycles and they are carrying personal rocket launchers)
(L: That bridge, do you think we can make it ?)\
(R: It's raising !)
(L: Got any better ideas)
(C: Well do it)
(Lister grabs an imaginary stick shift and goes down a gear.
He slams the 'pedal' to the floor. They sway back. The 'G' force from
the acceleration. The car hits the bridge and takes off.
'Woooooo..........oooo...oooooo......aaaagh'
They hit the other side, they are shaken about, but are ok)
(C: We made it. Nice driving. So long suckers !)
(R: Oh oh, helicopters)
(L: I'm going to have to ditch the limo)
(Lister pulls the 'limo' over). They revert back to the
hallucination scene. They run down the alleyway and come to a halt by
a flashing neon sign of a burger bar.
K: I killed him. I killed a human.
Kryten puts his gun to his own head. He pulls the trigger.
Click ! It doesn't go off.
K: Damn !
L: What are you doing
K: It is fundamental to me not to take a life, no matter what the
provocation. I could have stunned him, I killed him. I must terminate
myself.
Kryten ejects the clip from his gun, examines it and re-inserts
it. He kicks a bullet into the chamber.
R: This is a nightmare. I'm on the run from the fascist police with a
murderer, a mass murderer and a man in a white nylon shirt. A piece
of flotsam, jetsam human wreckage sputum bag who smells like a Yak
latrine. And now my best flashing mac' is about to be splattered with
an androids brain. I'm after you with the gun.
L: Yeh, count me in to.
C: Ditto.
K: But there is only 1 bullet left.
C: We could put our heads together the the bullet could go down the line.
(Kryten is holding a crossbow/spear gun which has 1 bolt in it)
(H: Kryten, I'm broadcasting on a higher frequency. Can you hear me.)
(K: Did somebody say something ?)
(H: You're hallucenating. Put the gun down)
(K: I think I'm going to put the gun down)
(H: Walk forward 3 paces)
K: I think I'm going to walk forward 3 paces.
R: Well he's cracking up.
K: I've a strange compulsion to pick up this fire extinguisher and twist
the release wheel.
(R: Have you finished being strange ?)
K: I'm sorry sir. I don't know what came over me
They all put their heads together again.
K: Ok;
L: Ok.
(H: You're hallucinating, you're hallucinating)
(L: What ?!!)
(H: I though you weren't going to make it. Welcome Back to Reality !
(L: What happened ?)
(H: You had a group hallucination brought on by the ink from the despair
squid. You were about to commit suicide just like the crew of the
Esperanto until the mood stabilizer saved you.)
(R: The Lithium Carbonate)
(L: What, we would have really killed ourselves)
(K: Of course, the hallucinations were designed to induce despair, to
attack the very things we hold quintissential to our self esteem.)
Take Mr Rimmer. Back there he could no longer blame his failings and
shortcomings on his parents as he shared an upbringing with you sir
(to Lister), his richer more important half brother. The Cat lost his
'Cool' and life for him no longer had any meaning because he is so
mind meltingly shallow)
(C: That's right, superficial IS my middle name)
(K: And you sir (to Lister), you have always prided yourself on being a
good man, a man of moral courage. So when you thought you were a
mass murdering butcher in a totalitarian state, despair. Despair
destined to drive you over the edge)
(L: And with you (Kryten) it was the taking of a human life)
(K: Precisely)
(C: I'm NOT Dwane Dibbley !!!!!)
(R: I AM Rimmer)
(K: I'm afraid so)
(L: So what happened to the Despair Squid ?)
(H: I took care of it. Limpet mines. There's enough fried Calamari out
there to feed the whole of Italy)
(C: Well I say lets get out of here)
(H: Flight coordinated programmed. Switching to pilot cooperation until
we hit the surface)
(L: Those planet engineers really screwed up in a big way here didn't they.
Playing God. The evolutionary process threw up a life fore so much
stronger and deadly than any other species. Damn near wiped out
everything on the entire planet. Spreading despair and destruction
wherever it stuck its ugly mush)
(K: Hmm, that sounds rather reminiscent of a species sitting not a million
miles away from me now. Ha ha ha ....!!!!)
(K: You probably have to be a mechaniod to fully understand that one !)
(R: Kryten, no-one likes a smart-alec android.
Hit the retros)
(K: We're on our way sir)
Starbug lifts off the ocean floor and heads off
----------------
End
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Comments:
~~~~~~~~
On first watching of this episode I really really hated it. I could
not believe what saw. Upon further viewing I got more and more into it
and ended up liking it a lot. I think with all the episodes this series
a second viewing is **STRONGLY RECOMMENDED** because they seem to get
better and better.
More recycling of old footage. This week, the Starbug crashing through
Red Dwarf's cargo bay doors (from just LAST WEEK !).
Series V Summary:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This series had a strange feeling compared to previous ones. There
was just something about it that felt a bit off. The gags and jokes and
storyline seem as good as they have always been. The acting is excellent
as usual. The laughtrack NEEDS TO **GO**. There seemed at points
unnatural breaks in the flow of dialogue. Several seconds of silence
here and there. I think the departure of Director Ed Bye is probably the
cause of all this, and the introduction of Juliet May.
I think more general atmosphere needs to be added and some new
shots of the ships (too much recycling).
Credits for 'Back to Reality'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Arnold Rimmer Chris Barrie
Dave Lister Craig Charles
Holly Hattie Hayridge
Cat Danny John-Jules
Kryten Robert Llewellyn
Andy the Attendant Timothy Spall
Cop Lenny Von Dohlan
New Kochanski Anastasia Hille
Nurse Marie McCarthy
New Lister John Sharian
No credits for New Rimmer, Kryten, Cat, Littel girl.
SSS Esperanto Director Juliet May
Director Grant Naylor
Producer Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant/Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V (C) BBC TV 1992
---------------------------------------------------------------
Red Dwarf V - Series Credits
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Stunt Coordinator Gareth Milne
Music Howard Goodall
Casting Jane Davies
Production Accountant Joanna Birkenshaw
Unit Manager Irene Gibbons
Video Effects Bruce Steele
Jez Gibson
Production Team Nichol Hoyce
Mairead Curtin
Camera Supervisor Rocket
Vision Mixer Simon Saunders
Vision Supervisor Mike Spencer
Insert Editor Peter Bates
Gaffer Ron Green
Consol Operator Dai Thomas
Property Master Mark Hedges
Paul Purdy
Properties Buyer Stella McIntyre
Technical Manager Jeff Jeffery
Videotape Editor Graham Hutchings
Sam Seal
Perry Widdanson
Stage Manaher Kerry Waddall
Production Assistant Christine Moses
Costume Design Howard Burden
Gill Shaw
MakeUp Design Andria Pennell
Nina Gan
Belinda Powish
Visual Effects Designer Peter Wragg
Paul McGuinness
Andy Bowman
Alan Marshall
Nick Kool
Mike Turner
James Dowis
Sound Supervisor Keith Murphy
Jim Whippey
Lighting Director John Pomphery
Production Design Mel Bibby
Stephen Bradshaw
Associate Producer Julian Scott
Directors Juliet May
Grant Naylor
Producer Hilary Bevan-Jones
Executive Production Rob Grant
Doug Naylor
Red Dwarf V is (C) 1992 BBC TV
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Guide By Neil Postlethwaite
Heriot-Watt University,
Edinburgh, UK.
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