Movie Quotes

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Newsgroups: rec.humor

Subject: A collection of Movie and TV quotes

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From: lak8141oak.circa.ufl.edu

Date: 4 Jan 90 01:00:01 GMT

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Organization: Center for Instructional and Research Computing Activities

Lines: 403



More specifically, they are GOOD lines. Funny, or dramatic, or at least

noteworthy. They come from a variety of sources, and not all are ones that I

have seen or even heard of, since a variety of people helped me with this.

  There is explicit language in here. If you don't like that, don't read this.

The lines may not always be very precise, but they are guaranteed to at least

be generally on the mark. They are not in any particular order, beyond the

category of Movies, TV, and Other. Read and enjoy.



                                           Jeff The Riffer

==============================================================================

*MOVIES*

--------

"Greetings, Starfighter. You have been recruited by the Star League to defend

 the frontier against Zur and the Kodan armada."

"How many Starfighters are left?!" "Including you?" "Yeah!" "One Starfighter."

        --The Last Starfighter

"Who ever heard of a poisonous cat?"

        --The Uninvited

"I'm here because I need a psychic. I read your ad in the newspaper." "Oh

 yeeaah. Your gonna ask me to do something really weird."

        --Vibes

"Was that the boogeyman?" "As a matter of fact, it was."

        --Halloween

"Are you familiar with the term 'Old Yellow Stain'?"

        --The Caine Mutiny

"Goin' out for a bit of the old ultra-violence."

        --A Clockwork Orange

"...upside down so the world can kiss my ass goodbye."

"How can you shoot women and children like that?" "It's easy - you don't lead

 'em as much."

"The ones that run are Viet Cong. The ones that stand still are well-

 disciplined Viet Cong."

        --Full Metal Jacket

"Hi dad." "Hey Argust." "Dad, Argust is the dog. I'm Henry." "Oh. Sorry Henry."

        --Racing With The Moon

"You can't bury me, I'm not dead!"

        --The Serpent And The Rainbow

"Holy shit! I think I'm going to need some backup..."

"I think they don't like us." "Nah, they're just lonely. They miss us."

"I will never kneel to you!" "Yes you will! YES YOU WILL!! Or I shall wreak

 unforgetable harm upon you."

        --Masters Of The Universe

"Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Doc, are you telling me that you built a time

 machine... out of a Delorean??" "The way I see it, if you're going to build a

 time machine into a car, why not do it with some style?"

"Are you trying to tell me that my mother... has the hots for me?"

"There's that word again; heavy. Why are things so heavy in the future? Is

 there something wrong with the Earth's gravitational pull?"

"As long as you hit that wire with the connecting hook at precisely 88 miles an

 hour the instant the lightning strikes the tower... everything will be fine."

"Roads? Where we're going we don't need... roads."

        --Back To The Future

"Run away! Run away! Run away!"

"Listen, strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a

 system of government. Supreme executive power derives itself from the masses,

 not from some farcical aquatic ceremony."

        --Monty Python And The Quest For The Holy Grail

"Thwow him to the floow!"

"Wewease Bwian!"

"The Shoe! The Shoe" "The Gourd! The Gourd!"

        --Life Of Brian

"Rats on a stick! Rats on a stick!"

        --Jabberwocky

"I'm a mean green mother from outer space!"

        --Little Shop Of Horrors

"Thank God, it's Friday!"

        --Dragnet

"Barney Rubble just tried to flame me out!"

        --My Science Project

"She's on her period. Should make for an interesting honeymoon."

"Where'd you get that stuff?" "School." "Good. Get my money's worth."

        --Sixteen Candles

"Here lies Mary Margret Daneen, she lived to be a hundred and three. For

 fifteen years she kept her virginity, not a bad record for this vicinity."

"Here's to swimmin' with bow-legged women."

        --Jaws

"You've heard of Plato, Socrates, Aristotle? Morons!"

"My name is Inigo Montoya. You killa my father. Prepare to die."

"Life is pain. Anyone who tells you differently is selling something."

        --The Princess Bride

"Fritz! They've killed Fritz!"

        --Wizards

"I want him dead! I want his family - dead! I want his house burned to the

 ground! I wanna go over there tonight and piss on his ashes!"

        --The Untouchables

"Someday we'll be buying our radios from our enemies!"

        --Tucker

"Mr. Houser, this is my classroom. *I* decide what are and are not facts here."

        --Hiding Out

"I have acute hearing." "I'm not interested in your jewelry collection, cloth-

 eyes."

        --Yellowbeard

"He lives in the smallest parts of it!"

        --Prince Of Darkness

"Yes the target must be still, for the marksman to be sure."

"Do you hear me?" "We hear and obey."

"Nazzerine, you have won nothing."

        --The Final Conflict

"Jackson, you ripped his arm off!" "So?! He had a spare!"

"You wouldn't know a suicide if it crawled up your ass and died there!"

"Bad career move, dude."

        --Action Jackson

"You have 15 seconds to comply."

"I am now authorized to use necessary force."

"Dead or alive, you are coming with me."

"I'm not arresting you anymore."

"Dick... Your fired!" "Thank you."

        --RoboCop

"I'm not into dead guys!"

"Git that damn screwdrivah out of mah head."

        --Return Of The Living Dead, Part 2

"My problem is that I got a fifty year lust and a three year-old dinkie."

"Nice booby trap."

        --Who Framed Roger Rabbit

"OK, so, I admit it. My girlfriend's a dog."

"We came, we saw, we kicked it's ass!"

"Let's show this prehistoric bitch how we do things downtown!"

"Yes, it's true. This man has no dick."

        --Ghostbusters

"Never tell me the odds!"

        --Empire Strikes Back

"Do you know the Klingon proverb that revenge is a dish best served cold?" "It

 is very cold in space."

"I don't believe in the no win scenario."

"No... No... You can't get away. The last I grapple with thee. For hate's

 sake I spit my last breath at thee. For hell's heart I stab at thee."

        --Star Trek II:The Wrath Of Khan

"I'm from Iowa, I only work in space."

"Spock, where the hell are those figures?" "Just a damn moment, Admiral"

        --Star Trek IV:The Voyage Home

"I like these odds. Heh heh heh..."

        --Young Guns

"Un-fucking-real!"

        --Trick Or Treat

"Groovy..."

"I'll swallow your soul I'll swallow your soul I'll swallow you-mmrph" "Swallow

 this."

"Victory is ours!!"

        --Evil Dead II

"Were on an express elevator to Hell... goin' down!"

"Where are your parents?" "They're dead all right? Can I go now?"

"I want you to collect all the magazines." "Hey man, what the hell are we

 supposed to use, harsh language?"

"Let's Rock!"

"Let's bug out and call it even, ok?"

"He can't make that kind of decision, he's just a grunt. Uh... no offense."

 "None taken."

"Well, I bet KC doesn't have scary dreams. Let's take a look... Nope, nothing

 bad in there." "Ripley, she doesn't have bad dreams because she's just a piece

 of plastic."

"I say we grease this rat-fuck son of a bitch right now. Fuck! He's dead. Your

 dogmeat, pal." "All right, we waste him. No offense."

"That's it man! We're fucked, Game Over, man..."

"Hey, so I made a mistake. It was a bad call..."

"Leave her alone you BITCH!"

        --ALIENS

"Number Five.. is alive!"

"Squash. Dead. Disassemble. Dead. Disassemble? Disassemble?! No, No disassemble

 Number Five!"

"Mellanie... look different. Nice software!"

        --Short Circuits

"Wake up!... Time to die."

        --Blade Runner

"He's into metal!"

        --Terrorvision

"You call that a knife? That's not a knife... THIS is a knife!"

        --Crocodile Dundee

"Citing someone for murder in this godforsaken place is like handing out

 speeding tickets at the Indy 500."

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like... victory!"

        --Apocalypse Now

"I like the sight of blood, but that's disgusting!"

        --The Stuff

"Then we will pray to Crom... Crom! Grant us this one request. Grant us passage

 to the site of our imprisoned friends. And if you do not listen... then the

 hell with you!"

        --Conan The Barbarian

"...and it absolutely will not stop until you are dead!"

"Your terminated, fucker!"

"Ah'll be back."

        --The Terminator

"I eat Green Berets for breakfast."

"Remember when I said I'd kill you last? I LIED!"

"If you want your kid back, then you gotta cooperate... Right?" "WRONG!"

"Please don't disturb my friend, he is dead tired."

        --Commando

"You are one ugly moother foocker!"

        --Predator

"Suddenly... I feel very very good." "I'm sorry master." "It'll pass, it'll

 pass."

"Now Benson... I shall have to turn you into a dog for a while." "Thank you

 master."

"Be careful with that, that's concentrated evil. One drop of that stuff could

 turn you all into hermit crabs."

        --Time Bandits

"Excuse me! Coming through!"

"There can be only one."

        --Highlander

"Just remember... No matter where you go, there you are."

        --Buckaroo Banzai

"We are almost certain that werewolves and ghouls occupy high positions in City

 Hall."

"Holy shit, it's the attack of Eddie Munster!"

"It's the blood sucking Brady Bunch!"

"I didn't invite you in THIS time, Max."

"One thing I never could stomach about Santa Carla; all the damned vampires."

        --The Lost Boys

"Snakes, why did it have to be snakes??"

        --Raiders Of The Lost Ark

"You die, she dies, EVERYBODY dies."

"I just chalked it up as a 2 day ride, with one hell of a tip."

"I am the sum of all evil..."

        --Heavy Metal

"Excuse me while I whip something out..."

        --Blazing Saddles

"I'll fart in your face and blow you to actor's Hell!"

        --An old, sub-titled swedish movie

"You was/will be our friend."

        --LightSpeed?

"DeathStalker. Is that your first name or your last name?"

"Is that your sword or are you just glad to see me?"

        --DeathStalker II

"They're heeeereee..."

        --Poltergeist

"They're baaaaaack..."

        --Poltergeist II

"Let's do it for Johnny!"

        --The Outsiders

"Are you boys policemen?" "No ma'am. We're musicians."

        --The Blues Brothers

"Disturbing the peace?! I got thrown through a window!! What's the fucking

 charge for getting pushed out of a moving car, huh?! JAYWALKING!!!?"

"Police! You're all under arrest!" "You do that again and I'll shoot you

 myself."

        --Beverly Hills Cop

"You'll be sorry you ever met me!" "I'm already sorry!"

        --48 Hours

"I think your going to need a lot of drinks." "To break the ice?" "No, to kill

 the bug up your ass."

        --Terms Of Endearment

"The blood, Mother! The blood!"

        --Psycho

"You smell like a toasted cheese sandwich."

        --Psycho II

"Now get down there and open up this hotel, Norman! What are we supposed to

 live on? Hope?!"

        --Psycho II

"If you wanna' play the game, you better learn the rules."

        --The Dead Pool

"The buzzards got to eat, same as the worms."

        --The Outlaw Josie Wales

"If I wanted your opinion I'd beat it out of you!"

        --Unknown Chuck Norris movie

"Their defenses are broken. Let the slaughter begin!"

        --Transformers (The Movie)

"Screws fall out all the time. The world is an imperfect place."

        --The Breakfast Club

"Let's face it, even GOD makes mistakes. (I ask you; Women. A MISTAKE? Or

 did God do it to us ON PURPOSE??"

"Ungrateful little bitches, aren't they?"

        --Witches Of Eastwick

"You've got the body... and I've got the brain..."

        --Nightmare On Elm Street

"Welcome to prime time BITCH!"

        --Nightmare On Elm Street part III

"We're all dropping like flies!"

        --Nightmare On Elm Street part IV



*TELEVISION*

------------

"Trust me... I know what I'm doing."

        --Sledgehammer

"Hah! I kill me!"

"Pizza? Where where?!"

        --Alf

"I love it when a plan comes together."

        --The A Team

"I am not a number, I am a free man!!"

        --The Prisoner

"I'm probably going to regret this... But, you could work here."

"I'll see you in six months. Okay?" "...okay." "Okay."

        --Cheers

"Until next time... try and enjoy the daylight."

        --Tales From The Darkside

"Jane, you ignorant slut..."

        --Saturday Night Live (the early years)

"What is your name?" "I'm the Doctor." "Doctor who?" "Oh, I find last names

 rather silly, don't you?"

"It's bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!"

        --Doctor Who

"He's stolen her mind! We've got to get it back!"

"No! I have Knight's life here in my hands and I'm going to make sure he goes

 right to Hell just like Uncle Lewis!"

        --Friday The 13th, The Series

"Danger, Will Robinson!"

        --Lost In Space

"Hi. I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl, and this is my other brother Daryl."

        --Newhart

"If you choose to except this mission..."

"This tape will self-destruct in five seconds."

        --MISSION:IMPOSSIBLE

"There is nothing wrong with your television set."

        --The Outer Limits

"You know, if I were human, I think I'd be having fun."

        --Badlands 2005

"There are no snakes in Hawaii."

        --Magnum P.I.

"Don't be riiidiculous."

        --Perfect Strangers

"Nothing is Forgotten"

        --Robin Hood

"Here I come to save the daaaaay!"

        --Mighty Mouse

"I just don't know. I really just don't know. I really, really just don't

 know."

"It's an ex-parrot! If he wasn't nailed to the perch, he'd be pushing up the

 daisies! He's pushed back the curtain and joined the choir invisible! He's

 CEASED to BE!"

        --Monty Python's Flying Circus

"He's dead, Jim."

"I'm a surgeon damn it, not a soldier!"

"Keep him covered, Spocko." "I'd advises ya to keep dialin'."

"That would be highly illogical."

"Live long and prosper."

        --Star Trek

"Make it so."

"We ARE back."

        --Star Trek:The Next Generation



  ŽAnd now, the OFFICIAL lyrics to the original Star Trek series theme song.

                          Beyond the rim of starlight,

                      My love is  wandering in starflight.

                  I know he'll find  in starclustered reaches,

                    Love,  strange love a starwoman teaches.

                         I know his journey ends never,

                       His Star Trek must  go on forever.

                   But tell him as he wanders his starry sea,

                             Remember, remember me.



===============================================================================



*OTHER*

-------

"Senator Kravitz is what we call a 'Public Servant.' My, it's a big word, isn't

 it? Can *you* say 'Public Servant?'" "Bozo." "Good!"

        --Bloom County, the early years

"Labor day, shmabor day. What a dumb day. To hire some jerk, then send him away

 to celebrate work by playing all day."

"I love cats. I wanted a cat... so what do I do? I go to the pet store and ask

 for a cat. What do they give me?... A lasagna with fur and fangs."

        --Garfield

"Jesus H. Christ in the ninth plane of Hell!!!!"

        --Anubis, after nearly being hit in the Wal-Mart parking lot.

"I be dealin'!"

        --The Esoteric Oracle, after obtaining his Mac II.

"Sigh..."

        --Marvin...

"No no! Just kidding! I'm only kidding!"

        --Joe Surfchick

"I'm bad, I'm bad! I'm so bad, I should be in detention!"

        --Anthrax, "I'm The Man"

"Satan is boring."

        --Sonic Youth

"Another tomorrow, remember to walk in the light!"

        --Iron Maiden



===============================================================================



Origins Department:

  This list/file was conceived by Jeff The Riffer and started on Auguest 17th,

1988. It has no purpose but to be something interesting to read, and anyone who

is offended by it can go sleep with Ronald Reagan in the nude. Any similarities

to persons living or dead is not only purely coincidental, but also highly

unlikely.



Credit-Where-Credit-Is-Due Department:

  Thanks to -

             Marvin...

             Sekhmet

             Joe Surfchick

             Yossarian

             Dragonhawk/Dungeon Master

             Tellurian Grey

             Ferris Wheeler

             Deep Fryer

             The unknown handle guy (a.k.a. Dr. Anthrax)

             Wonko The Sane

             Pendragon

             Viviane

  These people not only contributed, they actually took me seriously. Apologies

to any that I may have forgotten to mention.

  Double thanks to -dpb- for the Star Trek lyrics, and having the guts to

admit knowing them (even if it was a long time ago.)

  And finally, TRIPLE thanks to Anubis and Laughing Jack, for contributing

above and beyond the call of duty (insert snappy salute here.)



Sequels Department:

  Yes, I plan a sequel. I couldn't possibly fit all those great lines out there

into one list. Contributions are appreciated, if not desperately needed.





"Th-th-th-that's all folks!"

        --Warner Bros. Cartoons