Almanac chapter 3: Animals




                                     Chapter 3

                                      ANIMALS


              How  do  we know what animals think or feel? I say be kind to
         animals just in case it matters to them. The  poet  William  Blake
         said, "How do you know but that every bird that cleaves the aerial
         way  is  not  an  immense  world  of delight closed to your senses
         five?"

                                Lifespans of Animals

                               Horse...............30
                               Rabbit...............5
                               Dog.................15
                               cat.................13
                               rat..................2
                               mouse......less than 1
                               Elephant...........100
                               Crocodile..........300
                               Cow.................25
                               Pigeon..............20
                               Eagle..............100
                               Whale..............100
                               clam...............150
                               Tortoise...........350
                               Lion................40
                               Pig.................25
                               Crow...............100

                                   Dogs and Cats

              In one large city a telephone operator traced the  source  of
         an  emergency  phone  call because the caller would not speak. The
         phone only  emitted  unusual  noises.   When  the  ambulance  crew
         arrived at the scene, they found a basset hound who had dialed 911
         in the process of chewing up the phone.

              In  1978,  New York City passed a law that made the residents
         clean up after their dogs. Until that time,  people  had  to  walk
         around 54 tons of dog poop deposited daily.

              There  was  a  dog  (part collie) who liked to take baths and
         learned how to turn the water on and off and adjust the faucets to
         get the right temperature.

              Dogs see only black, white  and  gray.  They  can  hear  much
         better  than  humans,  though.   They  can  hear  sounds ten times
         farther away than we can.

              The  original reason for the haircuts that poodles get was to
         make swimming easier for them.

              The only things that are taxed in Ile de  Sein,  France,  are
         dogs.

              An  average  dog  costs its owner about $500 per year. In ten
         years, $5,000!

              "In order to keep a true  perspective  on  one's  importance,
         everyone  should  have  a dog that will worship him and a cat that
         will ignore him." - Dereke Bruce

              It costs about $30 per month to feed a horse.  It costs about
         $15 per month to feed a cat.

              Americans spend almost 3 billion dollars a year on  food  for
         their  kitty-cats,  yet,  for  comparison, America spends only 700
         million dollars on drug prevention and treatment programs.

              And speaking of cat food, a mouse can have 8 babies. Assuming
         four of them are female, and knowing that a mouse can  give  birth
         60  days  after being born itself, after 18 months, a pair of mice
         can become 4.5 million.

              If you have to introduce a second cat into your  house,  your
         first kitty cat may have trouble getting used to the new intruder.
         If  you put a little perfume on both cats, so that they will smell
         the same as each other, they will trust each other more.

              A man named Sir Henry Wyat was  sentenced  to  the  Tower  of
         London,  at a time when prisoners generally starved to death.  Sir
         Henry's kitty-cat seemed to understand the situation  because  she
         snuck  into  the  Tower bringing him a freshly-killed pigeon every
         day.  When the king heard of this, he must have felt sad  for  the
         kitty, because he immediately set Sir Henry free.

              Cats  will  not  walk  on aluminum foil. This is good to know
         when you are trying to protect something that your cat would  tend
         to walk on such as a part-done jigsaw puzzle.

              Cats'  whiskers have a function similar to those curb feelers
         which were so common on cars in the 1950's. When a cat looks  into
         a  small tunnel or opening in the bushes, the whiskers are used to
         gauge the dimensions.  If the opening doesn't  rub  the  whiskers,
         the cat's body will fit through.

              Why are cats so meticulous about keeping clean? They lick off
         all  blood and odor-causing matter to prevent attracting flies and
         bigger predators that would be interested in the odor of blood.

              The world's  fattest  cat  was  "Tiger"  a  part-Persian  who
         weighed over 42 pounds.

              If  your  kitty-cat  scratches  up  valuable  furniture, tape
         balloons to it. The cat will never scratch there again.

              It  is  often  reported that cats cannot taste sweet flavors.
         Actually,  they can sense sweetness, but do not have much interest
         in sugary things. What is  particularly  interesting  about  their
         sense  of  taste, is that they have a special taste for the flavor
         of water, which we humans cannot taste.

              ;qooooooo.,,,xkiiiiiii:
              This  is  what  happens  when  a  kitty  cat walks across the
         computer keyboard while you are trying to write a book.

              If you need to give liquid medicine to a cat,  don't  try  to
         feed  it to the cat. This would only result in a battle.  Instead,
         spill the medicine on the kitty's fur. The cat will lick it off in
         the process of cleaning.

              When a cat turns around and around before laying  down,  this
         is  an  instinct  left  over from the days when they slept in tall
         grass. The turning action pushed the grass down into a nest.


                                       Birds

              Chicks  that  have  just hatched will follow the first moving
         thing they see and think that  moving  thing  is  their  mommy.  I
         wonder what happens when the first thing they see is a cat?

              Mynah birds can be trained to say "hello" to people. There is
         one  mynah  that  even  says "hello" to photographs of people.  He
         recognizes them even if they are wearing sunglasses.

              Some vultures have learned that for  dinner  they  can  crack
         other bird's eggs by throwing stones at them.

              When  the  subject  of  a  national  bird  came  up, Benjamin
         Franklin suggested a turkey, but an eagle was selected.

              In 1876,  when  constructing  the  550-foot  tall  Washington
         Monument,  (when  it was 153 feet tall), workers had to get a rope
         to the top, but they did not have any sort  of  scaffolding.  They
         tied  a  thread  to  the  leg  of  a  pigeon,  put  him inside the
         unfinished tower and made a sudden noise. The scared bird flew  up
         to  the  top,  and  out.  A  string was attached to the thread and
         pulled to the top, and then a rope was pulled to the top with  the
         string.

              There  is  a  species of bird called European Grosbeak.  It's
         official  scientific   name   is   Coccothraustes   coccothraustes
         coccothraustes.

              A  human  heart beats at about 50 to 100 beats per minute.  A
         hummingbird's heart beats between 36 and 1200  beats  per  minute.
         When  at rest, the bird's heart beats at 480. Our body temperature
         is always close to 98.6. Theirs is between 55 and 110 degrees.

              Some people in China use live quail in  the  winter  as  hand
         warmers.

              If  you give an oystercatcher a choice between one of her own
         eggs, or a fake egg made of wood, she will sit on the wooden one.

              There were a flock of ducks that lived on the roof of a hotel
         in Memphis, Tennessee who used to take the elevator to the  ground
         floor when they wished to go anywhere.

              There was a research project that involved having a scientist
         yell  at  chickens  -  then measure their health compared to other
         chickens that were treated nicely. As it turns out,  the  chickens
         treated nicely are more resistant to infection.

              The largest chicken egg ever laid weighed over one pound.

              The passenger pigeon, which became extinct in 1914,  numbered
         over two billion just thirty-five years earlier.  They used to fly
         in  such  large flocks that it would seem like night in the middle
         of the day. Farmers used to shoot at them and would sometimes  hit
         two or three with one shot.

              There is a bird in Antarctica that repels threatening animals
         in  unique  ways.  The bird throws up in the enemy's face. If that
         doesn't work, it blows snot at them with enough force  to  bowl  a
         human over.

              When  a gas pipeline crossing the California desert springs a
         leak it would normally be hard to find the  break.   To  find  the
         leak  easily,  the  gas companies put a chemical into the gas that
         arouses the mating instinct in buzzards.  They  congregate  around
         the area of a leak, making it easy to spot.

              A  300-pound  ostrich  has  45 feet of intestine.  Their eggs
         have a shell so hard that a 250-pound man can stand on one without
         breaking it.

                                       Brains

              The cerebellum is the rear part of the brain  which  is  most
         convoluted.   It  has  long been considered the center for balance
         and muscular coordination. (In birds it is much  larger  than  the
         same  organ  in  other animals - because they need it for flying).
         Recently it has been discovered that  there  are  direct  circuits
         between the cerebellum and emotional responses.

              Scientists  raised  three groups of monkeys. Some were raised
         by their mother.  Some were raised by a stationary Chlorox  bottle
         covered  with  fur. The last group were raised by a Chlorox bottle
         that was remotely  controlled  and  acted  somewhat  like  a  real
         mother.  The monkeys with the movable bottle mother grew up nearly
         as normal as those raised with a real mother,  but  those  with  a
         stationary mother, grew up schizophrenic.

              A  fish's  brain  weighs  about the same amount as its spinal
         cord.  In humans, the brain weighs 55 times more than  the  spinal
         cord.

              The  brain  of  an elephant is four times bigger than a human
         brain.

              The animal with the largest brain compared to the size of its
         body is an ant.

              Human brains weigh about 44 to 50 ounces. The  biggest  brain
         in any class of apes is only about 16 ounces.

              Dolphins  have  brains  that  are  40 percent larger and more
         wrinkled than humans. Are we really the most intelligent animal on
         earth? The answer is probably yes. Much of the dolphin's brain  is
         taken  up  with their sense of sonar.  Scientists are now assuming
         that they can not only "see" their surroundings and other dolphins
         with their sense of sonar, but that they  can  actually  see  into
         their  friends.   They would not have to ask another dolphin if it
         is feeling ok, they can see their friend's innards for themselves.

              Have you ever tried to sell something  big  to  someone,  who
         tells  you,  "I'll have to sleep on it." There is validity to this
         technique. A person can enhance their decision making power  while
         sleeping.  This  is  done  through  dreams.   It  seems that while
         dreaming  we  are  practicing  our  thinking  skills,   and   more
         specifically,  reprocessing  our  thoughts  and  activities of the
         previous day.  We are able to see issues  more  clearly  the  next
         day,  and  therefore  make  better  decisions, because we have new
         power.  We have let our brain develop the issue  overnight.   This
         is an essential trait to survival.
              For proof, we look at the spiny anteater, a simple mammal who
         does  not  have  periods of rapid eye movement (REM) during sleep.
         This indicates that the little guy  does  not  dream.   The  spiny
         anteater  has another oddity. He has the biggest prefrontal cortex
         (the thinking part) in relation to the rest of his  brain  of  all
         animals  except humans. Yet he is stupid, and we are not. Why?  He
         has to process all his  thoughts  in  actual  time,  as  they  are
         happening,  because he cannot work things out while dreaming. This
         must be a bigger job than you would think. His offspring could not
         evolve much farther in intelligence  because  their  brains  would
         have   to   become  prohibitively  large.  Instead,  they  evolved
         dreaming.  We humans dream, so our large brains can  be  used  for
         more   intelligent  pursuits.   This  dreaming  business  is  very
         essential to the formation of permanent memories.


                                     Dinosaurs

              Some dinosaurs had two brains!  Since nerve signals move from
         one part of the body to another relatively slowly (It  takes  1/50
         second to notice a pain in your foot.) and since these beasts were
         so  large,  a  second brain was located at the base of the tail to
         maintain control the back of  the  creatures.  Interestingly,  the
         rear brain was bigger than the one in their heads.

              The Largest dinosaur, Brachiosaurus weighed as much as a town
         of 800 people, was taller than a four story hotel, and was as long
         as two of the longest school buses.

              Who  says  all  dinosaurs  have  died?  There is a species of
         lizard called Komodo monitor that can grow to over ten  feet  long
         and weigh 365 pounds. Komodo Dragons can eat a pig whole.

              Actually,  most scientists are now saying that dinosaurs were
         very unlike lizards.  Their legs  generally  were  directly  under
         their  bodies,  not  sticking  out  from their sides like lizards.
         Their bone structure was more like that of  warm-blooded  mammals.
         Tracks  have  been  found  made  by  of groups of dinosaurs moving
         together  in  herds  with  a  spacing  and  depth  of   impression
         indicating sustained high speed, again more a mammalian trait than
         reptilian.  One theory regarding the extinction of dinosaurs which
         is gaining some acceptance is that because they were  warm-blooded
         creatures  with  a  high metabolism, they were more susceptible to
         viruses  or   bacterial   infections   than   their   cold-blooded
         predecessors.   According  to  one  scientist, they might have all
         died of diarrhea.  Can you imagine the mess?

              Everyone knows that there are places  underground  that  have
         fossils  70  million  years old. What most people don't realize is
         that these things didn't all die. Scientists recently bored a hole
         850 feet down  into  the  era  of dinosaurs and found 3500 living,
         undiscovered species of fungi, protozoa  and  bacteria. The scien-
         tists do not know whether these are the same as those who lived in
         prehistory or whether they have mutated.


                                   Invertebrates

              The  horseshoe  crab is an animal that has not evolved. It is
         the same as it was 300 million years ago.

              If you took all the  earthworms  that  are  under  a  typical
         football field and lined them up, the line would be 94 miles long.
         They will move ten tons of dirt in a year.

              Giant earthworms have been found as long as 11 feet. Yuk!

              Some  fleas freeze solid every night, then thaw out to resume
         their lives in the daytime.

              Mosquitoes can drink 150 percent as much blood as they weigh.

              A reason  to  avoid  blue  jeans:  Mosquitoes  are  twice  as
         interested in blue as any other color.

              There  is  a water beetle that has four eyes. Two are mounted
         high on its head for seeing through air, and two  are  lower,  for
         looking into the water.

              The  mayfly  has  a  two-hour long lifespan. It has no mouth,
         because it will not have time to digest a meal.

              The largest moths in the world have a 14 inch wingspan. These
         "Hercules"  moths  live  only  2 weeks and never eat. Would you be
         scared if one landed on your head?

              Insects are nearsighted.  They  cannot  see  farther  than  9
         feet.

              How  is  it that insects get stuck to a spider's web, yet the
         spider does not?  The spider's feet secrete a bit of  oil.   If  a
         spider slips or falls, it can get trapped in its own web.

              Bees  have  to  fly  a total of 72,000 miles to gather enough
         honey for one jar.

              Ants sleep about three hours,  then  stretch  and  appear  to
         yawn, just like people do when waking.

              If  you  could jump as high as a grasshopper, relative to its
         size, you could jump more than 1/2 mile straight up.

              There is a species of bug that can fly up to  818  miles  per
         hour, faster than the speed of sound.

              If  you  could weigh all the bugs in the world, and weigh all
         the people in the world, your pile  of  bugs  would  weigh  twelve
         times as much as the people.

              How  do  spiders  make their silk? They excrete a polymer and
         then stretch it so quickly that this stretching  creates  aligned,
         crystalized solid molecules.

              Spiders  inject  their victims with a chemical that dissolves
         them.  Then the spiders drink their lunch with their mouths  which
         are soda straw-like. A tarantula can totally liquify a mouse.

              The  crosshairs  that you see in a surveyor's transit have to
         be very thin.  Some transit makers use the silk of a black widow's
         web.

              If a drop of liquor gets on a scorpion, it  will  immediately
         commit suicide with its own stinger.

              Some  male  moths can locate a single female moth by her odor
         up to one mile away.

              If you cut the head off a cockroach, it will continue to live
         for up to many more weeks.

              Scientists have found  out  that  termites  are  affected  by
         music.  They will eat up your house twice as fast if you play rock
         music.

              The ears of some bugs are located in unusual places. Crickets
         listen to sounds with their knees while cicadas  hear  with  their
         stomachs.

              The  giant  squid has the largest eye of any living animal at
         up to nine inches  in  diameter.   (fifteen  inches  according  to
         another  source)  These  squid live so deep in the ocean that live
         ones have seldom been seen.  Dead ones have been found that are up
         to 55 feet long.

              Jellyfish are animals who are composed of mostly water  -  95
         percent.

              A  sponge  is a unique character. If you cut him into several
         small pieces or squeeze him  through  a  screen,  his  parts  will
         eventually reform the original shape without any harm done.

              Octopi have three hearts.

              If a lobster loses an eye, it will grow a new one.

              Starfish  have  a  gross  and unusual manner of eating.  They
         regurgitate their stomach through their mouth onto their food, and
         absorb it directly. Then they suck their stomach back in.


                                 Lower Vertebrates

                       Some anglerfish, who live in the ocean at depths of over  one
         mile,  have  unusual  lives.   To see where they are going in that
         depth, or perhaps to attract food, the females have  a  chemically
         operated  lamp that hangs on a stalk in front of their mouths. The
         male doesn't need to see because early in his life, he bites  into
         the  belly  of  the female and stays there forever.  After a while
         the  female  grows  skin  over  the  connection,  and   the   male
         degenerates, losing  his  teeth,  his fins, and any manner of life
         beyond being a small appendage hanging off the female.

              Some catfish have taste buds over their entire body.

              When Pacific salmon get to a  certain  age,  their  pituitary
         glands suddenly secret poison to kill them.

              A  fisherman  in England hooked three  pike  at  once. While
         pulling in the first, it was eaten by a second who had been eaten
         by the third.

              While fishing at a pond in New York State,  a  man  lost  the
         glass part of his lantern. Five years later, once again fishing in
         the  same  spot, he caught a fish that was wearing that same glass
         lantern chimney, stuck around it's body.

              One species of shark is so competitive that the babies  fight
         each other within their mother, until only one is left to be born.

              Sharks never get sick.

              Sharks almost never get cancer.  Scientists are studying them
         to  find  out  why  and  whether  their protection is adaptable to
         humans.

              Sharks will eat anything. The only exception,  is  that  they
         will  not  eat  anything in the vicinity of where they give birth.
         This is because they are so stupid, this is the  only  way  nature
         protects them from accidentally eating their own babies.

              The  people of the world eat over 200 million frogs per year.
         So many people around the world enjoy eating frog legs that  there
         is  likely  to  be an eco-system problem in Asia, where most frogs
         for food come from.  They eat zillions  of  insects,  keeping  the
         wildlife  balance in check. Perhaps people would stop eating frogs
         if they realized that the frog's legs are usually  cut  off  while
         the frogs are still alive.

             When  horned  toads  are  threatened, they shoot jets of blood
         from their eyes.

              Crocs eat rocks.  The first meal of a baby crocodile consists
         of  several  stones.   Scientists  think these are for ballast, to
         help the croc keep upright while swimming and/or to grind up  food
         during digestion.

              If  alligator  eggs are kept above 86 degrees, all the babies
         will be males.  If incubated at below 86 degrees, all females will
         result. Another theory about the extinction of dinosaurs  is  that
         with  a global change in temperature, only one sex would have been
         born.

              A seven-inch chameleon can  stretch  its  tongue  up  to  ten
         inches to eat bugs that are passing by.

              Scientists  have  discovered  that  a  chameleon  will  still
         imitate the colors of its surroundings, even if  blinded.

              There is a species of lizard that has three eyes.  Two of its
         eyes  are located in the normal place, the third one is on the top
         of its head.

              There is a species of snake that is awake for two  hours  per
         day, and sleeps the other 22 hours.

              There  have  been  snakes  born with two heads.  They usually
         coexist alright until one tries to eat the other.

              When  researchers  in  Louisiana  placed  rubber  snakes  and
         turtles on highways and observed the behavior of 22,000 motorists,
         they  discovered that 87% of the drivers purposely avoided hitting
         the creatures, but 6% of drivers went out of their way  to  "kill"
         the rubber animals with their tires.

              Warm   blooded  animals  versus  cold  blooded  animals:  The
         warm-blooded animals are always ready to move or  react  to  their
         environment, while the cold-blooded animals must be careful not to
         be caught at the wrong temperature, when they cannot react quickly
         to  an  emergency.  On  the  other hand, warm-blooded animals must
         spend  much  of  their  time  eating  to   supply   their   energy
         requirements. If people were reptiles instead of mammals, we would
         have to eat only once per week.

                                      Mammals

              Rabbits sleep 16 times per day.

              The blood of mammals has exactly the same dilution of salt as
         ocean water.

              We  all  know that whales are big, but few of us realize just
         how big.  The biggest species is the Blue Whale.  This  animal  is
         bigger  than  any  dinosaur  that  ever  lived.   The biggest dino
         (brachiosaurus) was only 50 tons and 80 feet long.  One blue whale
         is as big as 25 of the largest  elephants.  (150  tons,  100  feet
         long)  Think  of  75 Volkswagen vans. They are that big!  And they
         grow fast.  Youngsters gain weight at the rate of ten  pounds  per
         hour.   A  blue  whale's  tongue is about the same weight as three
         Chevy station wagons. Their heart is about  the  same  size  as  a
         Toyota.  This monster organ beats about nine times per minute. (at
         the other end of the spectrum is the hummingbird with up  to  1200
         beats  per  minute,  or 133 beats for every time the whale's heart
         beats.

              The life of a domestic elephant in Thailand: School begins at
         age three. The elephant is introduced to two boys who  will  learn
         with  them.  The  boys  are called mahouts. For the next six years
         they learn all about working with each other to get  wood  out  of
         the  jungle.  For  the  next  fifty  years,  the  elephant and the
         mahouts are employed by the timber industry. The reason there  are
         two  men  for one elephant, is that should something happen to one
         of the men, the other will be able to continue  working  with  the
         elephant.  Then,  at  age 59, the elephant is retired, and gets to
         graze freely in the forest for the next forty  years  or  so.  The
         mahouts,  if  still  alive, still visit the elephant in the forest
         every few days.

              An elephant can eat a quarter-ton of grass in one day.

              The skin of a hippopotamus is an one and a half inches  thick
         and nearly bullet-proof.

              When hippos are upset, their sweat turns red.

              The stomach of a hippopotamus is ten feet long.

              You  can  convince  a  cow  to go up stairs, but it is nearly
         impossible to get one to come down.

              The record for milk production from one cow is 11,756 gallons
         in one year.

              Sometimes a moose will approach a car, thinking it is another
         moose. They are very nearsighted animal.

              Aren't you glad you are not a koala? Koala bears have a  diet
         that consists of only one thing, eucalyptus leaves. Interestingly,
         their appendix is up to 8 feet long.

              Teddy   bears  were  named  after  U.S.   President  Theodore
         Roosevelt.  He enjoyed a koala bear that was given to him, and toy
         manufacturers  started  making  a  toy  bear,  named   after   the
         President.

              A  man  named Marinus was so mad when a bear killed his mule,
         that he captured the bear and taught him how to plow his fields.

              A  horse  cannot  focus  its eyes in the way humans do.  They
         have to change the angle of their heads if they want to see  close
         objects clearly.

              A  man  in  France  who  had  been  hunting on his pony had a
         problem. The pony was injured. So, he carried the pony more than a
         mile to a veterinarian. The pony weighed almost a quarter-ton.

              Brand-new baby giraffes are six feet tall  and  weigh  almost
         200 pounds.

              Kangaroos  push  off  the  ground  with their tails when they
         jump.

              Squirrels forget where they hid about  half  of  their  nuts.

              The word Hamster is from a German word that means "to hoard."

              Breathing  liquid  is possible. Mice have been held under the
         surface in a beaker of liquid that is saturated  with  oxygen  for
         several  hours.   This  could allow divers to rise or sink rapidly
         without getting the bends. The only problem is the first breath  -
         overcoming  the  instinctual  fear of drowning.  Pre-mature babies
         have already been forced to breathe liquid when  their  lungs  are
         too underdeveloped to breathe air.

              The technical name for the black rat is rattus rattus.

              A  rat must never stop gnawing. This action grinds down their
         ever-growing incisors. If they were not provided with anything  to
         gnaw,  their lower teeth would eventually grow through their skull
         and into their brain.

              A scientist, W. Donner Denckla, at the National Institute  of
         Alcoholism   and  Alcohol  Abuse  (of  all  places),  removed  the
         pituitary glands of rats and injected the necessary  hormones  for
         survival.   These  rats lived much longer and showed less signs of
         aging than ordinary rats. At 24 months of age, only 2 out  of  125
         control  rats  were  still  alive.  This is a typical lifespan for
         rats.  Of  the  95  rats  without  the  pituitaries,  even  though
         handicapped,  at  age  34  months,  20  were still alive.  This is
         equivalent to humans at age 95, where only 1  percent  of  us  are
         still alive.

              Humans have been a very successful species in  terms  of  the
         number of individuals living on the earth at this time. We are the
         first  animal  that can exchange information outside of DNA. Other
         animals must rely upon what is built into their system,  primarily
         instincts,  for  their  information  about  how to deal with their
         environment.   People  can  talk  to  each   other   about   their
         environment.  For example, I can tell you not to eat the leaves of
         a cherry tree, because they are  poisonous,  thereby  saving  your
         life.

              Some old male monkeys become bald, just like some humans.

              Many  scientists  believe  it is possible, through artificial
         insemination or perhaps more natural  techniques,  to  cross-breed
         humans  and gorillas. There is really nothing to stop someone from
         doing this.  Think of the ethical questions that  the  baby  would
         bring up. Would you raise the child as a human?

              In  1914,  France's  first lady was kidnapped by an orangutan
         who had escaped from the zoo in Paris. He carried her  up  into  a
         tree  and  kept  her  for  hours.   She was so embarrassed by this
         incident that the government kept it a secret for forty years.

              It is possible that a single pig caused the War of 1812. This
         pig was always getting into the neighbor's garden  and  eating  up
         the  nice things he found there.  Finally the neighbor got mad and
         attacked and killed the pig with a pitchfork.   The  pig's  killer
         was  a  congressional candidate who lost the election by one vote.
         This was the vote  cast  against  him  by  the  late  pig's  owner
         presumably  because  he was upset about the loss of his pig.  When
         the matter of deciding about the war was  voted  upon,  the  issue
         passed by one vote. This was the vote of the candidate who had won
         the election by one vote.

              The  world's  most  outrageous musical instrument was made in
         France during 1450.  Connected to a keyboard was  a  long  row  of
         spikes.  Under  each  spike  was  a pig, arranged according to the
         pitch of its oink.

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